When Doves Cry
by pulling-the-puzzles-apart
Summary: AU - When Kurt moves in with his boyfriend James he finds he can easily see through to the apartment opposite which houses the struggling singer Blaine Anderson. A friendship ensues which proves to be Kurt's saving grace when his life starts to unravel.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Well here it is – finally! Sorry to keep you waiting but I hope it's worth it. I've nearly completed this fic so I will update it every day until I reach the point I left off then will be updating it three times a week. For those who started reading it before, it will be changed slightly and improved.

Thank you to all those who messaged with encouragement here and on tumblr especially Buttons'n'Bows and ARomanticAtHeart – you made me want to write again :)

**Warnings**: Domestic abuse (both verbal and physical), smut and swearing.

* * *

_Come on skinny love just last the year_

_Pour a little salt we were never here_

'_Skinny Love' by Bon Iver/Birdy_

"Tell me again why we decided to move in together when we're both working like crazy?" Kurt said as he lugged yet another box to his new apartment. New was the wrong word, Kurt thought, as he plonked the box down near the doorway and stared around the open space. The living room area was relatively large, much smaller than the space he had shared with Rachel but just as old and dilapidated. It would need a serious lick of paint, Kurt mused as he continued to envisage what he would do to the place once they had moved in properly. James bumped Kurt along with the next box, kicking his heel in the process.

"Come on Kurt, we haven't got all day," he said grumpily, deliberately moving into Kurt's space to make his point. "We need to get all these boxes in." Kurt rubbed at his injured heel but thought better of the comment on the tip of his tongue. He closed his mouth and went back to get another box. It wasn't worth the argument it would cause and surely James didn't mean to hurt him.

They finished taking up the boxes in silence, the only sounds a few pained grunts as they lifted and dropped, lifted and dropped. Eventually all the boxes were cleared from the van they had hired and they could peruse the place properly.

"It looks less impressive now, when all our boxes are here," James said as he walked around. The large windows had shone streams of light into the apartment but now the boxes cast shadows on the floor and it became more closed and oppressive - the darkness of the city that Kurt loved. Five years in New York hadn't changed his opinion of the city he had dreamed of as a teenager. He loved its darkness but also craved the limelight and continued to work tirelessly to achieve it. His dreams hadn't diminished but he was happy where he was, off-Broadway shows gave him time to perfect his craft and watching the whole process of a production including its desperate rise to fame, made Kurt's skin tingle with anticipation and longing. He strove to be successful and always tried to be the best version of himself. In many ways looking around this apartment that he would now share with his boyfriend James, made him think of how successful they now were. The struggles had been worth it, he was where he wanted to be.

James continued to wander around the apartment, inspecting the walls with a critical eye. He eventually stopped by the window, the light hitting his blonde hair, styled to perfection. His upturned nose and perfectly trimmed stubble made him look so gorgeous that Kurt momentarily thought he was the luckiest guy in the world to be with someone that looked that perfect. James could have come straight out of a magazine and he had modelled for a while but that had only given him the step he needed to push his life into Broadway. He had always sung and danced in competitions and having that quality that they wanted, his lucky break was his first audition. James had never needed to struggle, never been turned down and he never understood why Kurt didn't achieve more, become better. It was a bone of contention, a source of many an argument and Kurt no longer had any fight left. He just wanted to do his best.

"I'll make coffee," Kurt suddenly said as the light shone on James, highlighting the shine of his pristine facial features and blonde hair. He really was gorgeous in those black skinny jeans and loose green tee and Kurt smiled that he was the only one to see what was underneath. James grinned by the window at the sound of the word 'coffee'.

"My angel," James said dramatically, his mood swiftly changing from the grumpiness of earlier. He waved his arm in the air and practically skipped to Kurt, wrapping an arm around his waist so he couldn't move.

"I can't make coffee like this," Kurt moaned with a giggle to his voice, trying to wiggle away slightly.

James loosened his grip so Kurt could set up the coffee machine. He unpacked two mugs, got out the coffee as Kurt switched on the machine and it whirred to life causing another smile to grace James' face.

Kurt laughed. "I knew all it would take was a cup of coffee," he said, "You're so predictable."

"That and food," James said, "I'm never allowed any food."

"The price of Broadway," Kurt said shrugging his shoulder and secretly glad he didn't have that pressure.

"It's ok for you, your mom gave you fabulous genes," James said a little moodily.

"Hey," Kurt said indignantly, "I have to work hard for this figure and you know it."

James nodded begrudgingly. Kurt eventually handed him a coffee and James walked to the largest window.

"It is quite a view," James said sipping the black coffee and closing his eyes in pleasure.

"Are you glad we're here?" Kurt asked tentatively as he came to stand by his side.

"Oh of course," James said looking at Kurt with wider eyes in surprise. "It's not the best apartment we could have got but it's ours and I'm sure you'll be able to work your magic and make it home."

Kurt smiled at the compliment but knew he meant it as a way of getting out of any serious decorating. That would be Kurt's job.

Kurt looked out for what felt the longest time, the world carrying on beneath them. It would soon be time for James to go to the theatre, prepare for his Broadway performance that evening, have an early supper and get into role.

"Are you happy James?"

The question was whispered, taking James from his reverie. He looked at Kurt in surprise.

"What do you mean?" he asked, "Aren't you?"

Kurt turned to face James and smiled. "Of course I am, I just worry sometimes that you're not really happy."

James looked out at the world below again, pondering the question a little too long, causing Kurt to feel uneasy.

"I guess I never think too much about that question," he said, "I'm as happy as the next person and I have you for the rest." He smiled at Kurt, his eyes a twinkling blue and Kurt relaxed.

James was never one to show too much - never ecstatic, never gleeful - but he could be cross, could be so angry that his whole body would change, all rigid lines and steam. Kurt was just glad he was mainly content with their situation.

"Would you mind unpacking our things?" James said as he finished his coffee and placed the dirty mug by the sink. He started to walk to the bedroom to grab his stuff and carried on the conversation around the apartment, getting louder the further he got from Kurt. "I would stay to help but I have to get to the theatre early. Ernie said something about lighting before I left last night and I said I'd help."

Kurt suspected there was no such conversation at the theatre but he let it slide. "Sure," Kurt said, "I'll unpack."

"Thanks, you're a star," James said smiling and leaving Kurt with just a peck on his cheek as he grabbed his new key and closed the door.

* * *

"Blaine!" Tessa shouted as soon as she entered the coffee shop. She didn't believe in looking around and trying to find someone first and as she hoped, Blaine alerted her to his presence and waved her over from where he sat in the corner. He passed her the latte he had ordered for her and she sat down with aplomb. Flushed cheeks, shining eyes and her short hair in styled spikes she managed to look composed now as she took her coffee greedily.

"I thought I'd never get here," she said breathily, "Thanks for the coffee chuck."

"Right, let's discuss the playlist," Blaine said, sitting up straighter as soon as she had taken a few sips of coffee.

"Woah, someone's eager," she said.

"We have to get this right Tess, I don't know this crowd as well as you," Blaine said.

"Fine, fine," she said, placing her coffee next to her, "What are your suggestions?"

"I thought we'd open with 'Teenage Dream' then proceed onto 'Baby Hit Me One More Time', maybe close with some classic Kelly Clarkson?"

"You and your obsession with female singers," she said shaking her head, "Don't make your set too good. I have to open for you and I don't want people to think I'm just the appetiser."

"Oh but you are," he said jovially, "You could always sing backup for me."

She gave him her bitchiest stare and he laughed loudly. He pretended to surrender, holding his hands up.

"Are you getting there earlier? You might want to warm up the crowd first, chat to a few people. It's always good to get them on your side."

Blaine nodded happily. "I love my job," he said, "We get to drink and sing and play the piano and live in this fantastic city."

"Yeah it's great," she said sarcastically looking through her purse for non-existent money. "So great that I have no money for a second coffee."

"Hey, don't worry, the next is on me too," he said, happily giving her a bill.

"You have money?" she said a little surprised.

"Yeah, they gave it up front for tonight and I already paid my rent," he said smiling widely. "Told you, we have the greatest job."

"Well sometimes I agree with you," she said, "When I have to ask mommy dearest for another loan to pay my rent, I don't think it's so cushty."

"Where do you get all these British phrases from?" Blaine said laughing.

"My roomie now is British," Tessa said, "Her name's Ruby and she's hilarious."

"When did Jake move out?"

"Last week but you know how it is, there's always someone to replace you in this city that never sleeps. Ruby is tidy at least."

"I'll pop round to warn her of your bad habits," Blaine joked.

"Don't you dare!" she exclaimed, "She'll find out in good time."

Blaine laughed.

"You don't want to get a roommate?" she asked.

"No way," Blaine said, "Well, not as long as I can help it. I'd better get back, practice a few songs on my dilapidated piano." He stood up and smiled ruefully. "See you tonight?"

"You bet," she said, "You'll knock 'em dead and I'll become your roadie and we'll live happily ever after." She winked and Blaine laughed.

"We tried that in high school remember?" Blaine smirked, "I seem to remember I liked it when I was drunk at the time but not so much in the light of day."

"Ok, ok," she said with pretend annoyance, "I know I don't look good in the morning, that was a low jibe."  
"You're cute," he said in an effort to placate her and he bent down to kiss her on the nose. "But I'm a perfect gold star gay now."

"Well if you ever change your mind…" she said with another wink.

"I know where to find my best friend," he said, repeating a phrase they said often. "See you later, beautiful."

"You say that to all the girls," she pouted.

"Only the best and when it's true," he laughed and finished his coffee, placing it quickly on their table, leaving Tessa with some money for her next coffee.

"See you tonight," he called from the door and she waved her goodbye, glad that she still knew Blaine, even after all these years.

* * *

Kurt practically fell onto the sofa clutching his tea and sighed loudly. His back and arms ached already and he knew he would be in pain during rehearsals the following day. It was late, the curtain-less windows revealing only blackness with the occasional strip of light from the street lighting below. He had managed to unpack everything though his closet would need to be rearranged tomorrow by colour. James hadn't yet returned from his performance though that wasn't unusual. He often went out for drinks and late night parties after a performance, sometimes not returning until the early hours of the morning, knowing full well he could sleep-in. Kurt was used to this and wasn't surprised. He was tired though and he felt along his sore muscles in his neck already suspecting that he would be too tired to actually sleep. He looked around at the apartment he now rented with his boyfriend of two years and admired his handiwork. Gone was the feeling of happiness that he had made it, now he just felt alone.

As much as Rachel had been annoying to live with he couldn't help but think now of how much he missed her noise: practicing scales in the bathroom, singing in the kitchen, twirling in the living room, dancing along to musical films by the sofa, all filled Kurt with happiness. He was free, with Rachel, to be silly and enjoy life and it was only just now that he realised he was now required to be a grown-up. He had moved in with his boyfriend, rented a place where responsibilities would need to be taken seriously if they were to keep up all the bills and he suddenly wanted to dance and sing loudly. He knew James wouldn't approve, would think he was silly, but he didn't care. He chose an upbeat song on his iPod and slotted it into his speaker in his bedroom and danced like there was no tomorrow.

_It's all over like steps in the first snow_

_Something's been building up and it's gonna blow_

_My momma called me last night, she said when nothing else fits_

_Pick up the pieces and move on_

_I see the flashing red lights, just can't make sense of the bits _

_It's like my mind is gone_

_I got ... got to get ..._

_Get my head back on_

_I got ... got to get ..._

_Myself together_

_When this hurt is gone_

_I got ... got to get ..._

_Myself together_

Kurt circled his hips, lifted his arms and closed his eyes, completely free and not caring at all. He loved dancing like this and he realised that he hadn't done this in so long, never in front of James, who was always so perfect that it made him freer now. This was his only chance.

_I got ... got to get ..._

_Can't tell what's going wrong_

_I wish that something could be done_

_Knock that cover_

_When this hurt is gone_

_I got ... got to get ..._

_Myself together_

The song finished and he still rocked his hips slowly as he walked over to the speaker to change the song when he realised he had an audience. He looked up sharply at the guy across the way and stood still waiting for a reaction. The guy was gorgeous, even across the apartments Kurt could see that, the guy's hair dark and gelled down though a few curls had sprung loose at the nape of his neck. He was dressed in the tightest dark jeans with a mustard bowtie, now loose at the collar. As he realised Kurt had spotted him, he smiled widely, did a quick imitation of Kurt's best move and waved happily. Kurt felt the blush rise from his neck and across his cheeks but he waved back and that was it. The guy across the way closed his curtains and Kurt realised he had been standing there like a creeper and he went to the bathroom to start his evening routine. He had no idea when James would return and he may as well go to bed without him.

As he changed he realised he could see into that guy's apartment, just like he could see through his; their bathrooms and bedroom being opposite. Kurt hadn't put up curtains in any of the rooms yet and so he changed quickly and went to brush his teeth.

Kurt wasmoisturising in rhythmic circular patterns along his cheeks in the bathroom when he realised both windows were open slightly and he could hear someone singing though it was faint. He looked across to find the same guy, moisturising his own face with a faint smile on his face and singing softly. The windows were so close together that Kurt could make out he was singing a Katy Perry song and Kurt smiled as he recognised the words.

_You think I'm pretty_

_Without any makeup on_

_You think I'm funny_

_When I tell the punch line wrong_

_I know you get me_

_So I let my walls come down, down_

The guy seemed to sense he was being watched and he glanced over at Kurt by the window and beamed again, waving in greeting and as he finished he clearly mouthed 'goodnight'. Kurt, a little surprised, just waved back and the guy switched off the light, swamping his apartment in darkness, making Kurt realize he was alone once more.

* * *

**Next update: **Saturday 12th April

**Songs quoted**:

'Get Myself Together' by Robyn

'Teenage Dream' by Katy Perry


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Thank you to everyone who has come back to this story, I really appreciate it. I know it must be annoying to re-read the first seven chapters, so I've decided to upload these one a day and then I'll slow down on the updates. Each chapter has additions but no major changes.

_In this world_

_In this world of mine_

_I will keep you 'til the very end_

_And at the end_

_At the end of time_

_I will hold you in my arms again_

_Modern man has a heart of stone_

_In an age we are so ordinary_

_Let's pretend, let's pretend we're old_

_But I sense that we are already there_

_You are the loneliest star_

_You are the loneliest star_

_'The Loneliest Star' acoustic version by Thirteen Senses_

Blaine was always up early. He would normally finish at a bar about one o'clock in the morning but song ideas, or just the thought of a new day, would ensure he was up by eight o'clock. Sometimes he would go for a run in a park or just potter around his apartment, tinkling on his old piano but he would often stay in his pyjamas until about midday and write. He often got gigs helping musician friends who needed someone to play piano whilst they sang. He could play nearly any common instrument and he thrived on knowing his craft so well that any of his friends could rely on him to pick up a song quickly when asked to help. Today was wide open though and he was up with a skip in his step even before he had his morning coffee.

It was another matter for Kurt who rolled out of bed with a groan and he wondered why it felt like he'd aged twenty years in the space of a single night. He wore only pyjama bottoms and padded slowly to the kitchen to turn on the coffee machine. One quick glance around the apartment told Kurt that James hadn't appeared yet and although it had happened once or twice before, Kurt was a little surprised that on their first night in their new apartment, James hadn't come home.

Home. Such a loaded word, a word that made Kurt instantly think of his dad in Lima. New York was Kurt's place, somewhere he truly belonged but 'home', a place he could relax and just be, he hadn't found just yet and he briefly wondered if this place would ever feel like home. He swallowed the disappointment and sipped his coffee in his bedroom, tucked back in his bed and wondered if James would return at all before another performance that night.

Whilst sipping he glanced through his window to the apartment opposite and noticed the curtains were already open and revealed the same guy from yesterday, his hair completely devoid of any gel, causing his dark springy curls to be completely free. Kurt briefly wondered what it might feel like to run his hands through such curls and he shook his head at himself and the unbidden thoughts. James never allowed him to touch his hair during sex, too afraid of ruining his perfect style. Kurt always thought it was such a pity.

The guy in the apartment opposite clearly didn't realise he had an audience and Kurt watched openly as the guy walked about in his navy blue pyjamas, almost a skip in his step. He appeared to be whistling to himself as he walked to his piano, carrying a steaming mug of coffee and sitting down. Kurt realised his own bedroom was slightly smaller than the guy opposite who seemed to be able to pack everything into his room, including an old piano. Blaine tinkled, completely oblivious to being watched and Kurt saw him occasionally scribble down something on paper as he sang and played. Kurt wanted to hear what he was playing but knew he would draw attention to himself if he got up and opened the window. So he watched until the guy with the dark hair seemed to finish the song and started to play on his phone. It clearly started to buzz and upon seeing the caller ID, his face lit up.

* * *

"Wha's uuuuuuup?" Tessa sang down the phone and Blaine laughed once more.

"I love that you're just as chirpy as me this early," Blaine said happily, "What can I do for you this fine morning?"

"You can meet me later at the corner of 44th street and 7th Avenue; by the park," she said excitedly, "Sam is singing at the King's Hotel tonight and needs someone to help with piano playing if you're up for it?"

"Yeah that'll be great," Blaine said happily, "Why isn't he calling though?"

"I think he's trying to borrow a guitar, his one has a few broken strings after a drunken escapade last week. He can't afford to have it fixed."

"Has he tried Ed? He might have one."

"I don't know, I said I'd call him back," she said, "See you at the park at 6 for an early supper?"

"Sure thing," he said happily, "An early supper?"

"Blame Ruby," she said and then Blaine presumed she was talking to said Ruby as whispered mutterings were heard on the other end. "Who can't wait to meet you apparently," Tessa continued sounding confused.

"Erm…"

"Don't worry," Tess said, "I'll fill her in." She giggled and hung up, leaving Blaine imagining the conversation that Tessa was having right now. Blaine stood, his eyes flitting to the apartment opposite where the guy from yesterday was finishing getting changed. He briefly noticed his defined torso before the guy put on his shirt and did it up super quickly, clearly worried about his lack of curtains. Blaine secretly hoped, with the view ahead of him, that the guy would never get curtains.

Blaine looked through the window for a while as the guy flitted in and out of the bathroom and bedroom, wondering what the guy did for a living if he was still in his apartment at 10 o'clock in the morning. Blaine was just considering getting another coffee and changing into actual clothes when someone must have entered the apartment opposite because the demeanour of the guy immediately changed. His back seemed to stiffen and his jaw set as if he was expecting an argument. Another guy entered wearing tight black jeans, a screwed up green T and his hair a mess. Blaine wasn't close enough but he could definitely tell this guy had been out all night. The guy with chestnut coiffed hair and nice blue eyes was clearly not impressed.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Kurt shouted, "I was worried about you. You never answered my text messages."

"Just leave it Kurt," James said clearly pained at the volume Kurt was using. He struggled to the bed, head in hands as if it was just an effort to hold it all together. He was pale, his hair a mix of flattened patches and stuck up parts and his eyes were sunken with tiredness. He reeked.

Kurt pulled a face. "Where have you been all night?" he said, "You smell like a brewery."

"Things got a little out of hand," James said weakly, his head still bowed. "The drinks kept coming."

"Where did you stay?" Kurt asked, "You didn't think to call to let me know you were safe?"

"I don't have to answer to you," James said angrily, still avoiding Kurt's gaze.

Kurt seethed. "That's it with you, isn't it?" he spat. "You have fun, drink yourself to oblivion and don't care about me waiting for you here. You don't even think of me, do you? And on our first night together in our new place." Kurt couldn't say 'home'; it already would seem like a lie.

"I asked you to drop it," James said, his voice clipped as he desperately tried to keep the anger in. Kurt didn't notice and kept going.

"If you want out of this relationship James, just let me know," Kurt continued, his body now hovering over James in his determination to be heard. "If you don't want a grown up relationship that's fine with me, nothing's final, we can go our separate ways, I don't mind."

"Just stop Kurt," James said his neck tense with the pressure to keep it together, "Just shut up!" He shouted, his hands coming out forcibly in fists on his own knees.

"What did you just say to me?" Kurt said quietly and James stood up despite the dizziness and the rising need to be sick.

"I asked you to drop it," James said, "I asked you to stop and I asked you to SHUT UP!"

There was a pause as Kurt digested what had been said to him and he looked shaken but now that James had the floor he continued.

"No wonder I don't want to come home to you," James said sneering, "You're such a nag! If I wanted to be with a middle aged woman I would be straight!"

Blaine was shocked at what he was witnessing but at the same time he couldn't tear his eyes away. He instinctively wanted to grab the guy he had been admiring through the window earlier and take him away somewhere safe, away from this angry guy who had disturbed the peace. The guy's boyfriend, Blaine presumed, shouted some more and Blaine thought he could almost see the steam come out of his ears. The angry guy stormed off to the en suite and chestnut-haired guy obviously tried to placate him, pull the situation back together again, anything to keep the peace. He gently touched angry guy's elbow as he prepared to enter the bathroom but it was just too much for the guy who must have seen it as another form of control. He flinched from the touch as if blue-eyed guy's fingers could burn and he threw his hand away, finally pushing him so there was now over a foot between them.

Blaine went forward nearer the window on instinct, determined to help the guy in some way but not knowing how when panes of glass and brick were between them. The guy opposite took an extra step back, his eyes wide, his hand instinctively rubbing the bruise that was forming on his upper arm. Angry guy slammed the bathroom door and left the other guy in the bedroom.

He seemed to freeze for a moment and as Blaine wondered if there was someway of passing on a message, maybe help him somehow, the blue-eyed guy turned round slowly, almost as if he guessed he might have had an audience the entire time. The guy's eyes were sad as soon as he saw Blaine, as if he wanted to apologise for letting him witness such an argument. There was a moment where nothing was said, faces were frozen in sadness, until Blaine gestured with his hands: 'are you ok?'

Kurt understood and considered just nodding with fake happiness, try to cover the embarrassment and make out it was nothing serious but something stopped him. He shook his head slowly and Blaine's heart broke a little at the sight. He looked so perfect in his sadness, so innocent, that Blaine immediately wanted to grab angry guy by the neck for making someone beautiful, so sad. Blaine tried to gesture if he could help but Kurt just looked confused so he madly glanced around the room until he obviously saw what he needed. Kurt saw him pick up the paper on top of the piano and scribble furiously. He held it up to the window, a smile on his face.

**_Hello, my name is Blaine._**

Kurt smiled and found some paper of his own.

**_Hello Blaine. My name is Kurt._**

Blaine scribbled again, this time holding it up with trepidation.

**_Boyfriend? _**

Kurt nodded, sadly brought back to the situation Blaine must have witnessed. He wrote on the card again and held it up for Blaine to read.

**_Yes, James. Sorry about that, he isn't normally like that._**

Blaine shrugged slightly, trying to give the impression that he wasn't there to judge or pass comment. Kurt hated the awkwardness. This stranger already knew far more about Kurt's life than his family and his closest friends. He glanced at his watch and gestured at the door. He had to be at rehearsal and he could leave early, anything to be far away from James when he left the shower. Blaine nodded in understanding and waved sadly, already giving Kurt the impression that he wanted to say so much more. Kurt quickly grabbed his jacket and left the apartment and Blaine continued planning his day, gazing every so often into the apartment opposite.


	3. Chapter 3

_I've excused you for a while_

_While I'm wide-eyed_

_And I'm so down caught in the middle_

_And a lion, a lion, roars would you not listen?_

_If a child, a child cries would you not forgive them?_

'_Strong' by London Grammar_

Blaine was so curious about what James was doing in the apartment opposite that he was nearly late to meet Tessa for an early dinner. He watched curiously as James picked up the remains of Kurt's conversation with Blaine on the bed and looked at it in confusion. He glanced at Blaine's apartment window where Blaine suddenly pretended to be busy and then James seemed to carry on with his day. He made a few phone calls but it was only when the afternoon was wearing onwards and Blaine was thinking about finishing the song he had written earlier that James decided to madly dash about the bedroom. He popped out for groceries and when he returned Blaine spotted him bringing in various objects into the bedroom: a big bouquet of flowers, petals spread across the bed haphazardly as well as candles dotted on surfaces. Blaine realised as he watched on that James was creating the perfect apology dinner date. He briefly wondered how Kurt would take it all, secretly hoping he wouldn't forgive easily, and then Kurt returned.

* * *

Kurt smelt the dinner first, his favourite home cooked meal and he noticed the tray of baby cupcakes standing on the side in the kitchen where James was donning an apron to finish off the dinner. He wanted to smile at the effort but he was still mad. James turned round.

"You're here," he said, instantly rushing to Kurt to remove his coat and satchel. "Put your feet up and I'll bring you a drink."

James brought over a glass of wine while Kurt sat down, watching carefully, not saying a word.

"How was your day?" James asked as if nothing had happened this morning. Kurt decided to play along for now.

"It was ok," Kurt said, "We rehearsed the main number at least twenty times and someone from costume had an argument with a guy that does hair. Another day really."

"You really should try and get out of that role, audition for Broadway." James was still cooking, his back turned so that he couldn't see Kurt's eyes roll. The same old conversation.

"Not this again," Kurt said and James instantly turned around in slight panic.

"No, not this again," he said, "I just don't get why you rely on small productions when you could be trying for Broadway. You don't push yourself to be better." There was no mention that Kurt was worth more; just that he wasn't trying hard enough. Kurt sighed.

"I like working there, building a project from scratch like that and seeing it grow. The fight to get it in a theatre, the desperation to try to bring it to Broadway: it makes you want it more; it makes you see the good in the production. I believe in it wholeheartedly."

James watched Kurt who spoke about it all with such enthusiasm, his eyes lit up and James couldn't dissuade him of its merit.

"Talking of Broadway aren't you going to be late?"

"Jake is going on tonight," James said casually but Kurt was instantly up out of his seat.

"What? Why did you do that?" Kurt exclaimed, "You'll get into trouble."

"No I won't, I called in sick," James said matter-of-factly. "I did it for you, I wanted to spend the evening with my boyfriend." He looked a little smug, like he was expecting a pat on the back.

"You didn't have to do that," Kurt said with tiredness in his voice. He came closer into the kitchen and James twirled to face him fully, a little sauce on his cheek which Kurt removed deftly with his thumb. Kurt tried to smile but it came across as weak, too tired to even try. James gripped his arms as if he might fly away and he had to keep Kurt still.

"I shouldn't have shouted this morning, I was angry and really hung over," James said, "I don't even remember half of what happened last night and you know what I get like when I'm ill." Kurt nodded. He did know. "I'm making this dinner to make up for being absent last night, this will be our first proper evening in our new place. Let me do this." James was pleading silently with his eyes, waiting for the right answer, hoping. Kurt couldn't let him down.

Kurt nodded and his lips curved into a smile, letting James know he was forgiven. He started to set the table while James continued and it was only when he started to pour the wine that he realised James had never apologised.

* * *

"So Ruby knows I'm gay right?" Blaine whispered in Tessa's ear as the British roommate went to the toilet. Tessa smirked.

"Yes, I explained that you're waiting for the 'right guy' just like she is," Tessa said, "You should have seen the look of disappointment on her face."

She was messing with him but it still took a beat of silence for Blaine to realise, his eyes suddenly crinkling with 'I've been caught' and she laughed in earnest.

"Not every straight girl is after you, just me," she finished, looping her arm inside Blaine's, cosying up and resting her cheek on his shoulder. It was a dance they had done for a long time. Whenever Tess or Blaine were single they relied on the other for comfort and affection. It was always so easy to give and receive and this was a rare occasion when they were both available. Hugs and gentle touches were common, spreading warmth and easy affection, kisses on cheeks that lingered a little too long but always just on the line between affection and 'taking it further'. It was comforting and neither really thought about what it meant, just quietly accepting.

Sam came back from the bar, having finished his set and spending most of his time talking to the owner. He laughed at the warm cosy sight in front of him and sat down.

"I never really understand why you don't just hook up," Sam said, his eyes full of lightness and mirth, his comment causing their arms to disengage and the stiffness in Blaine's back to return.

"I'm too good for Blaine, he's not in my league," Tessa joked, the comment hiding a real sense of awkward as she placed her hand on her own knee. Blaine knew what she was saying and why, so placed his own hand on top of hers, squeezing with affection and smiling.

"Not at all," he said, "I just prefer cock." There was a beat of silence, Blaine's face so deadpan, then the table erupted in laughter as Ruby returned.

"What did I miss?" Ruby asked and they were too far gone to reply coherently. She shrugged and gave up, sitting down and sipping her drink. "Where are we off to now then?" she said instead, "The night's still young."

"I don't know," Blaine said, chancing a glance at his watch, "I should probably be getting back."

"Someone pressing to go back to?" Sam asked, a chuckle on his lips but then Blaine's face fell serious and he shook his head.

"There is a new couple that have moved across from me though, in the apartment opposite," Blaine said thinking, his eyes suddenly unseeing, the first time he had thought of Kurt all evening. Sam raised an eyebrow.

"You've been peering in?"

"No, no," Blaine said, returning to the room, "They just haven't bought curtains or blinds and I can see right through. I didn't mean to."

"Yeah right, you big stalker," Tess joked.

"No, no it's not like that," Blaine said seriously, his eyes wide in order to convince them. "I caught him dancing and he spotted me singing in the bathroom last night but then this morning his boyfriend returned."

"Oh?" Ruby said, pressing closer, intrigued and no one thought anything of it. She was suddenly part of the group too and only Tessa briefly thought how quickly she had managed it.

"Yeah, he was a little off, clearly hungover and they shouted for a while then he pushed Kurt backwards," Blaine said.

"Kurt?" Tessa said.

"Yeah, he wrote his name on card, we introduced ourselves," Blaine said, "I wanted to check he was ok."

Sam nodded. "Be careful Blaine, you don't want to get involved in any domestic fights, you don't know this guy."

Blaine didn't say what was on the tip of his tongue. He _did_ feel like he knew him. He recognised parts of himself in the guy in the apartment opposite and he intrigued him. He gave a tight smile then shook his head. The conversation was over.

"Yeah you're probably right," Blaine said laughing, "I'll head back though.' He stood and kissed Tess and Ruby on the cheek, hugging Sam as they bopped shoulders. "See you tomorrow at Tony's?" Sam and Tessa nodded, Ruby looking thoughtful until she jogged to catch Blaine up by the door.

"Blaine," she said, catching his elbow, causing him to turn in surprise. "If this Kurt is being abused, even emotionally, make sure you help," she said and Blaine was taken aback. "I know how alone you can feel when something like that happens." She revealed nothing else and Blaine stood silently. "He won't want to tell anyone he knows, he won't want to disappoint people or seek help."

He nodded solemnly, taking the advice seriously and she took his acceptance, happy that he understood. She turned to go back to Tess and Sam until Blaine gently touched her shoulder.

"Ruby are you ok?"

Her eyes softened and she nodded. "I am now Blaine, thanks."

She said nothing else and Blaine stood by the door for a moment, thinking about what her past could possibly have dealt her. He walked home enjoying the chill, his coat brought in closer and his scarf trapping the heat by his neck.

As he came closer to his apartment, he looked up to see Kurt's bathroom light still on and travelling up to his apartment he wondered how James' apology dinner had gone. As he took off his jacket and placed it into his wardrobe he noticed Kurt and James still hadn't purchased curtains and his question of earlier was suddenly answered.

It was only just light enough, shimmers of candlelight, for Blaine to see shapes of bodies and shaky movements but it took only a few seconds for him to realise what he was inadvertently watching. They were making up in the best way possible and Blaine felt instant sickness in the pit of his stomach that it hadn't been harder for Kurt to forgive. He felt sad that Kurt had let James come back in so easily then he remembered he hardly knew them, had only watched a fight, no other cosy interaction and didn't know their relationship at all. He blinked in shock as he realised what he was accidentally watching and he hastily closed his own curtains in disgust.

* * *

"You taste of icing," James murmured against the corner of Kurt's lips, licking the spot as if to chase the taste and Kurt giggled as James' fingers traced along the skin at his waist. Eventually when he was done teasing, James' fingers travelled lower to the soft warm skin of Kurt's inner thigh and Kurt mewled in pleasure, James knowing exactly what drove him crazy. He screwed his eyes shut and moaned loudly as James started to tease his hole.

"Fuck Kurt, the sounds you make," James moaned watching in awed fascination despite the number of times they had done this. He lubed his fingers and pushed in, stroking Kurt's cock with his other hand. Kurt was taking and taking, giving nothing back and after a while Kurt realised and tried to sit up slightly.

"Let me…" he started as if he wanted to take over, give something back but James gently pushed him so he lay again on his back.

"No Kurt, this is for you," James whispered, "Let me take care of you."

There was a gentleness in James' voice that Kurt hadn't heard in a while so he let him continue, thrusting now two fingers inside of him and stroking his cock gently, teasingly slowly. It wasn't enough and it soon had Kurt begging for more.

"What shall I do to you my pretty little boyfriend?" James whispered near his ear, "What do you want?"

Kurt didn't know. There was a vague feeling of grasping and searching at the back of his mind that he couldn't quite reach and didn't understand but he moaned loudly at the pleasure that James' talented fingers were causing. He wanted to feel something more but didn't know how to ask and finally settled for a fail-safe.

"Fuck me," Kurt moaned and James kneeled, slowly stroking Kurt's cock but removing his fingers from Kurt's hole. Kurt vaguely thought back to when he had called it 'making love' but shook his head against the feeling that this was never going to be that. They had been together two years now and it felt good, they knew how to make each other moan and come gloriously. No need for hyperbole and terms of endearment. Time was often of the essence and leading busy lives they would often fuck with perfunctory ease. James entered Kurt easily once lube had been applied and it was good and Kurt let the pressure build quickly, James thrusting hard and fast, no slow movements now, no slow enjoyment, only a rushing to orgasm and a race to finish. Kurt knew the signs that James was close, his face tight, his stomach muscles quivering and Kurt thrust his hips upwards in order to reach that moment at the same time. James no longer told Kurt when he was close and he soon came, hard and fast inside Kurt who chased that feeling a little before he too was being stroked quickly and shooting come over their stomachs.

James was quickly out, no lingering moment between them and Kurt winced as the feeling of emptiness returned. James was cleaning himself off in their bathroom, letting Kurt remain in his sticky mess and humming to himself. He seemed satisfied and Kurt was glad at least that they were back to how things were before.

"Who's Blaine by the way?" James asked from the bathroom and Kurt sat up quickly. He instantly knew the name but hadn't a clue how James knew it too.

"What?" Kurt said, pretending ignorance, biding his time.

"The card you left on the bed," James continued, "You were writing messages?"

"Oh that," Kurt said, trying to sound casual, glad that James couldn't see his face, "He's the guy from across the street, in the apartment opposite. He saw us earlier and introduced himself."

James came back into the room, the candlelight eerily silhouetting him, making him appear dark and ominous as he stood by the bathroom door.

"He saw us?" His voice was cold.

"Yeah," Kurt said, his voice wobbly, "He saw us fighting but I reassured him and there's no worries." He tried to sound upbeat, desperate to return things to normal, though he wasn't sure what that was anymore.

James nodded in the darkness then went back to the bathroom to fetch Kurt some tissues. He threw them lightly at Kurt's stomach as he returned to bed, blowing all the candles out on his way. Only darkness remained.

"It's a bit strange that someone should introduce themselves across the apartment," James said quietly, trying to gauge Kurt's own feeling about the subject. Kurt tried for lightness once again.

"Oh I don't think he meant anything by it," he said. "Just being friendly I suppose."

James nodded again and turned over so his back was now facing Kurt.

"Ok, goodnight then," he said, the slight warmth of earlier completely gone. James had gotten the forgiveness he had wanted, his hunger sated he went to sleep easily and Kurt lay there for a few hours, hearing the ticking of the clock in the darkness and wondering how he could possibly save a relationship that was slowly slipping out of his hands.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: Howdy my lovely readers. I've finished the fic so as it stands it is now 19 chapters long plus an epilogue. This chapter is slightly different at the end to the original edit. Thanks for reading :)

* * *

_I've walked these miles but I've walked 'em straight lined _

_You'll never know what was like to be fine_

_I'm wasting my young years_

_It doesn't matter _

_I'm chasing old ideas _

_It doesn't matter_

'_Wasting my Young Years' by London Grammar_

It started slowly but Kurt edged away and spent more time with his friends. After rehearsals that week he spent most evenings with Rachel and Santana knowing that James was out performing and probably wouldn't be back until later, if he returned at all.

"Do you miss us that much lady lips?" Santana said lovingly as she plopped herself into a perfect pose on their sofa. "You've been here every night this week, even when we're not in, which let's just say is completely crazy." She widened her eyes at Rachel as if to say 'beware the lunatic'. Rachel smiled a little but turned her concerned face towards Kurt.

"Seriously Kurt, isn't James at home some nights?"

"Yeah he is after work, but he's normally so tired we barely talk and it's just nice to have some company," he said defensively. "But if you're going to be a bitch about it," he said, turning to eye Santana, "Then I can leave you in peace."

"No, no don't be silly," Rachel said quickly rubbing his shoulder to placate him, "We love having you here but maybe you need some hobbies or something for when James is out?"

"New friends?" Santana quipped perfectly serious. Kurt rolled his eyes and mumbled thanks. "Or a new boyfriend that treats you right," she said and Kurt and Rachel sat a little further back as if to take her in a little better. Rachel gestured a cut-throat action to prevent her from continuing, but Santana stormed ahead.

"I mean I'm not saying anything you haven't noticed already Berry," Santana said, "He's hardly around and he's cold and horrible when he is. I suppose I can see the appeal, if you like skinny jeans and the Peter Pan look but he's a little skinny even for your tastes granny pants." She seemed to be talking to herself but she finally turned to Kurt as if she expected a perfect reply.

"San, we've been through this," he said tiredly, getting up to help himself to tea from the kitchen. He watched the kettle boil while he continued to speak. "I love James, we're just finding it hard at the moment. He's busy at night and I'm rehearsing during the day, we just have no time together. It'll improve soon."

"When?" Santana said, standing now so she could lean perfectly on their bookcase, facing Kurt's back. "Come on Kurt he's a loser, you deserve better."

"Santana!" Rachel nearly screeched, coming closer to join the action. "You can't say that."

"And why not? You said yourself, Kurt deserves better."

"So you've been discussing my private life behind my back?" Kurt said, turning to face them, his face one of hurt and anger.

"And why not? You're family, that's what family does," Santana said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Kurt it wasn't like that," Rachel tried to placate him. "We just worry about you."

"Well worry about yourself," he sneered, suddenly grabbing his jacket and walking to the door. "You two have no idea what maintaining a relationship involves outside of high school and when you join the grown up club of responsibility let me know." And he stormed out, leaving Santana and Rachel open-mouthed. They gave each other a look.

"Defensiveness," Santana said, looking not even a little worried, "The first sign of realising mistakes. It won't be long until they're apart. We just have to wait."

"Santana," Rachel said, sighing and walking back to the sofa sadly, "I really do worry about him. If we force him to stay away he'll have no one."

"That'll be _his_ issue, he'll come back when he knows we were right."

"Why do you think he's with him in the first place?" Rachel asked after a while.

"He likes the Peter Pan look?"

Rachel smiled and then shook her head.

"Do you sometimes get the impression that there's something more going on?" she asked and Santana raised an eyebrow in question. "You know, like how James goes from hot and cold, how he seems to love Kurt one minute then ignore him the next. One time I saw him look so angry at a bitchy comment you made that I thought he might have hit you if it hadn't been for Kurt changing the subject and letting it slide."

"He should know my comments by now, the bitch hides the love, you and Kurt always get it."

"Exactly but that was an overreaction wasn't it?" Rachel continued. "You don't think he might be violent towards Kurt?"

Santana looked a little shocked by the question, it never having crossed her mind and a steely expression took over her face.

"If he is then he better beware," she said, "No one messes with us."

And they vowed to be there for Kurt no matter what and especially if he didn't want them there.

* * *

Kurt should have known that once he started relying on people outside of James that it would look suspicious but he couldn't help it. It had been nice to spend so much time with Rachel again, warm company that he could relax with and chat about things he loved. It was easy affection and even with Santana there he had grown to love the bitchy comments and the fierce kind of love she displayed for others. He hadn't thought it was anything more than spending time with friends whilst his boyfriend was out but looking back he had been there too often, depending on them too much. He felt even more isolated as he let himself into his apartment and noticed that James hadn't yet returned from his performance.

Kurt hung up his jacket and made tea staring into the world outside his window and realising he had yet to get curtains that would afford them a little privacy. He took his tea into his bedroom with the idea that he might go to bed early but sitting up against the headboard after changing into sweatpants and a t-shirt he realised he wouldn't be going to sleep anytime soon. James wasn't really the problem, he was sure, it was just they didn't spend any time together any more. Kurt thought of ways they could have a date night soon or how he could make a special effort when he noticed a little light appear in the bedroom opposite. Blaine's bedroom.

He hadn't thought of Blaine much since the other day when he had introduced himself. James hadn't mentioned him either but Kurt knew he had been annoyed that someone had seen them fight and had become friends with Kurt, even over the way. It felt strange that he had a sort of friend that he didn't really know but already knew so much of his situation. Looking at him now, through the apartment window, he could see that Blaine had obviously just had a shower, his curls loosely wet and unstyled. He looked carefree and unblemished in his onesie, obviously ready for bed, and apart from the beat of music, Kurt couldn't hear anything else. Blaine was sorting himself to get to bed but as he was moving around the room he was moving to the music, which Kurt was starting to decipher as Beyonce's 'Crazy in Love'. Blaine suddenly stopped in the middle of his room and moved his ass like he just didn't care, twerking with fervour and Kurt burst out laughing. He couldn't help himself, he came closer to the window and watched as Blaine continued to twerk until he got to the end of the song. Out of the corner of his eye, he eventually saw Kurt and he stopped abruptly, frozen to the spot.

Kurt felt instantly guilty that he had been watching him and he blushed as Blaine blushed but the thought that Blaine might close his curtains made him rethink his idea of returning to bed. He waved instead and twerked in return, making Blaine smile widely, embarrassment suddenly gone as he opened his window slightly and replayed the track. Blaine indicated that Kurt join him and although he felt a little silly to start, Blaine soon turned up the music which put Kurt at ease. They twerked away until they stopped amidst fits of giggles and breathlessly, Kurt clutched at his chest and indicated that Blaine needed to stop too. Blaine's grin was wide as he stopped the track.

Kurt couldn't remember the last time he had laughed that hard and he didn't want the conversation to end but didn't really know how to carry it on when Blaine was clearly getting ready for bed and James could return at any moment. Blaine seemed to understand as his breathing returned to normal and he looked around the empty space behind Kurt. He picked up the card he had used before and wrote quickly.

_**James at home?**_

Kurt shook his head. Blaine nodded in understanding and wrote again.

_**Fancy meeting properly for coffee tomorrow? **_

Kurt blinked. He had just twerked in front of this guy, Blaine had witnessed a domestic argument and he _had_ seemed to care, but the thought of meeting him was a little scary. He briefly wondered what James would think if he knew about it and then thought 'what the hell?' He nodded and smiled, causing Blaine to quickly scribble his number on the card, which Kurt instantly typed into his own phone. Kurt text Blaine to give him his number too and Blaine indicated he had received the message when he got the beep.

_It's Kurt :)_

_**Hi Kurt! What time are you free tomorrow?**_

_I rehearse until 2 tomorrow as it's an early start so I could meet you then?_

_**Sounds good, will James mind? **_

Kurt was taken aback. It was that obvious that James disapproved? He knew James would hate it, and Kurt would have to say he was meeting another friend for coffee, but as long as they managed to see each other before James performed in the evening, Kurt was sure it would be ok.

_Best not mention it, but it'll be fine._

Kurt could see that Blaine was a little concerned but he brushed it off and smiled.

_Gonna head to bed now, got an early start. Great twerking though ;)_

_**I've got fantastic competition now ;) Goodnight Kurt.**_

_Goodnight Blaine. _

There was a loud bang as the door was opened loudly and Kurt looked up in surprise. Blaine noticed too.

"Kurt?" James shouted as he entered the bedroom, "Oh there you are. Performance was shit, Claire forgot a line and the lights didn't go on my spotlight in time for the finale song, so I looked like a right douche. They're calling an emergency rehearsal tomorrow afternoon so I'll be out from about 2. Don't you just hate it when people let you down, like really make you look bad?" James was fuming, tightly wound and nearly shaking with pent up anger. Kurt took pity and hugged him close and though James tensed, hating the physical affection, he eventually settled and relaxed.

Kurt could feel James smiling against his shoulder, his back to the window. Although Kurt thought their conversation was finished he could see Blaine through the window, not able to really decipher the expression on his face. He looked directly at Blaine, smiling as James clung unusually closer and Blaine waved sadly and closed his curtains, leaving Kurt to be the dutiful and ever patient boyfriend.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Not much has changed in this chapter except I've added a text from James. Thanks for reading :)

_How can you just leave me standing?_

_Alone in a world that's so cold…_

_This is what it sounds like_

_When doves cry_

'_When Doves Cry' by Prince_

"Right from the top Kurt, that was perfect."

Kurt sighed. If it was so perfect why were they rehearsing it again? Kurt was tired and he ached, but he got into place and put on his perfect Broadway smile. The director was peering at the dancers, scrutinising every move and nuance of character to determine how the stage could be set, how to enhance the performance for an audience. Kurt was a mere prop and he knew it.

James had needed just a little more than affection from Kurt when he had returned to their apartment last night. As soon as the light was turned off and they slipped under the covers, Kurt had felt his hardness pressed against his lower back, a gentle nudge that caused Kurt to turn around.

"I thought you might be tired?" Kurt had asked but James had only smirked and come closer, almost like a wolf after its prey and nipped along Kurt's jaw with his mouth. He had taken out his frustrations of the evening performance on Kurt and pounded into him until the early hours, leaving Kurt chasing an orgasm that never arrived, despite James' obvious pleasure and his own climax. Kurt was physically sore now but he felt more than that as he performed the same number for the fifth time that day: weary.

"Patty and Kurt, we need to rehearse the scene where you realise your attraction for the same man, just as it leads into the song, can you do that?" The director didn't say cut or stop but the music ended and the chorus fell away, leaving the two leads in the middle of the rehearsal space. As the director, Anthony, turned his back to sit in his chair, Kurt rolled his eyes at Patty who smiled and quickly turned into her character, something Kurt always admired.

"I love him," Kurt said, nearly whispering as Patty went to turn away as if looking out the window. "I know you think I'm mad, but I love him nonetheless."

Patty, completely in character, turned slowly to face Kurt, or his character Edward, and smiled sadly.

"I don't think you're mad. I think you're wonderfully romantic and completely hopeless, but never mad."

She came closer, sadness written all over her face, pity in her eyes.

"You think I don't stand a chance with him? You think he loves someone else? You?" Kurt showed Edward as if he wanted to be sassy and confident, but Kurt portrayed the naivety and the hope so well that the director was smiling.

"I think he loves who he wants to love and we would be lucky if he even smiles in our direction. Don't you see sometimes how the stars are reflected in his eyes, how they appear to glow and shine through him? How silly." Patty was moving around Kurt now, her body loose, her hand trailing behind her.

"I wonder sometimes if he's quite of this world."

The music started to play, softly, slowly and the chorus walked on as if to prepare for the next musical number but Anthony clapped loudly and Kurt and Patty switched, their characters falling away.

"Excellent, excellent," Anthony shouted. "Take five and we'll regroup to rehearse the scene after the song."

"Excellent, excellent," Patty whispered in Kurt's ear, in mockery of Anthony's optimistic tone. Kurt rested by the window, taking a sip of his water and smiled slightly.

"He is always that positive, isn't he?" Kurt said.

Patty nodded. "But you're not feeling the happy vibes today?"

Kurt hadn't known Patty for long. She had worked her way from the chorus on Broadway to bigger roles in smaller productions so Kurt had seen her around but this was the first time he had worked with her. The musical was new and exciting, touching ground that discussed sexuality in a whole different arena and it was exhilarating to be a part of it. Patty was quietly confident in her ability to wow audiences, especially with such a great part, and she knew the magic she could pull. It looked easy but Kurt knew it wasn't.

"Not particularly," Kurt said, sipping from his bottle again, "It was just a late night."

He gave nothing away. Patty was a friend, a work colleague but never someone he would confide in. She nodded, no apparent desire to know more or to dig out the truth.

"I wonder if something's about to change," she said mysteriously, just as she was about to return to her scene, their break apparently over. Kurt looked confused but he didn't have time before Anthony directed them to their new positions.

"When you're ready," Anthony said and Kurt rolled his shoulders before he started.

"Do you sometimes think that he plays with us?" Kurt, as Edward, said. Patty acted as if this was something she had already considered.

"I think perhaps he enjoys our affections," she said, channelling her character Isabelle. "Perhaps he has made his decision but wants to see how we act out our love. Perhaps he does not know himself."

Kurt appeared to think this over, giving Edward the air of someone intellectual and considered.

"I sometimes think that I would be quite prepared to live and breathe near him, never quite winning, never quite reaching the goal but in his presence nonetheless. Maybe there will be no winner." Kurt spoke his line as Edward, quietly romantic, as Patty stood still.

She paused for what seemed an age, so long in fact that Kurt wondered if she had forgotten her line but then she walked closer. Kurt could see the twirl of green in her warm brown eyes and she smiled sadly.

"Though I want to love him and have him for myself, I don't like to see anyone give up or let the darkness in. Sometimes a shadow wins."

Kurt was momentarily speechless as Patty walked away. She had maintained her character; delivered the line that Kurt had heard countless times before but there was something else this time. Kurt had nothing left to say as Edward and Patty walked away, leaving Kurt hearing only the line that was relevant to his own life. Kurt had felt the shadow creep across his own life, almost as if his whole life was now in darkness but Patty knew, even if she didn't know the circumstance. As the director was talking again to Patty, giving direction and praising her performance, Kurt decided to take a step in the right direction, to get out of the shadow.

**To: Blaine [12.05]**

_Looking forward to coffee later to finally meet my window friend! How does 2.30 sound outside the coffee shop on our street?_

**To: Kurt [12.06]**

_Hey! That sounds great - looking forward to meeting my window friend too! See you then :)_

Kurt smiled. He knew James wouldn't approve, but slowly and surely he knew he needed more friends that weren't in his circle, that didn't disapprove of him or judge him. Blaine seemed happy, almost like a light despite the darkness that Kurt always saw him surrounded by, and maybe it would chase the shadow that Patty so rightly saw come closer.

* * *

Kurt hated being early but as he left his rehearsal just before 2 o'clock, he knew he would be standing outside the coffee shop for at least ten minutes before Blaine was due to arrive. He felt nervous tingles along the skin of his arms as he came closer and as Blaine wasn't outside he stopped and kept rising on the balls of his feet. Being early gave him time to think, let his mind wander and race to all possibilities and he hated it. He wrapped his arms around his torso in a bid to warm up his arms when the door opened behind him.

"I thought it was you," Blaine said happily as he grinned by the door. "I was early so I waited inside." He opened the door and Kurt followed as he walked to the counter. "I've left my jacket by the table in the corner if you want me to order coffee. You can sit down." He gestured to his table and Kurt nodded silently. He closed his eyes briefly as he walked. He was so nervous and he was letting it show. Blaine must think he was pathetic. But as he sat down and watched Blaine chatting to the barista, an easy conversation with laughter and joking, Kurt couldn't help but smile. This guy was charming to _everyone_. He had made Kurt feel comfortable in the most awkward of situations across the windows, had laughed and smiled brightly at conversations between them when Kurt had just wanted to hide away from the world. Blaine was now giving his money to the girl who had apparently received a generous tip because she smiled widely and thanked Blaine loudly.

"What was that?" Kurt said quietly, still watching the girl as Blaine came closer with their coffees.

"That? I gave her a tip," Blaine said, shrugging his shoulders.

"It must have been some tip to generate a smile like that."

"I can't always tip when I come here," Blaine said, blushing slightly, "And I wanted to make it up to her. She always serves fantastic coffee."

Kurt nodded and smiled. He suddenly realised he knew nothing about Blaine: what he did for a living, why he was living in New York, why he couldn't always tip baristas. Blaine sipped his coffee and his eyes twinkled above the steam, like he finally realised he was meeting Kurt for the first time.

"So window friend," Blaine said playfully, "Tell me about yourself."

Kurt didn't know where to begin.

"Well I'm a performer on the stage, at the moment I'm rehearsing an off-Broadway musical called 'Brave'."

"Wow," Blaine breathed, clearly impressed, "That makes my job of struggling singer sound really pathetic."

"Oh is that what you do?" Kurt said, intrigued. "Where do you play?"  
"Anywhere that will have me," Blaine said laughing at himself. "I have a few regular spots but mainly I play at open-mic nights and karaoke bars. I play instruments for friends when they have gigs and they do the same for me, so I can sometimes get a cut of the money for the performance. It's never regular money though. I live month by month, hoping I make rent. This is a lucky month." He smiled, a smile that always seemed to reach his eyes and Kurt was momentarily jealous.

"But tell me about this musical," Blaine said coming closer, his eyes wide and clear. Kurt thought briefly of getting lost in those eyes, noticing the swirls of browns and greens.

"I play a gay character called Edward, who's in love with another guy," he said, enjoying telling someone new. "Patty, my co-star, plays Isabelle who is also in love with the same guy. The musical really discusses 'love' and what it constitutes. The audience hardly see the guy they're in love with, he just flits around the corners of the stage and it's never disclosed whether he is gay or not."

"Does that matter?" Blaine asked and Kurt looked a little surprised so Blaine carried on. "I mean love is love right, it doesn't always need a label."

Kurt smiled that he understood so well.

"That's what the musical discusses. There are no labels though Isabelle defines herself as straight and Edward defines himself as gay. It's all irrelevant. The guy they love is label-less."

Blaine nodded, wondering how to ask what he had already guessed.

"Is that why you auditioned for the role?" Blaine asked instead.

Kurt nodded. "Yeah, I like that it discusses those issues, I like the idea that a musical I invest my time and energy into, deals with sexuality. But I've always identified as 'gay'. You?"

Blaine was taken aback. "Oh yeah, I'm gay."

Blaine sipped his coffee again; a pause in the conversation, so Kurt did the same.

"How long have you lived here?" Kurt asked.

"In that apartment? Just a year," Blaine said. "I rented a room before and shared with others but last year my grandmother died and left me some money. I suddenly could rent on my own and although the money soon ran out, I strive to keep the place. You? I take it you and James just moved into that apartment?"

"Yeah," Kurt said, suddenly sad at the mention of James. Blaine knew too much. "I lived in Bushwick before, with friends. They still live there but James and I have been together for two years now, so it felt right to move in together."

Blaine nodded. He understood the need to settle down, even if he didn't like James.

"What does James do?"

"He sings in a real production on Broadway," Kurt said and Blaine noticed the emphasis on 'real'. "It's been running for several months and he's working hard to make it work. It has to be perfect." Kurt wanted to sing James' praise, needed to show just what a good man he really was and he nearly believed it himself. "He takes the job very seriously, is a consummate performer and is very talented."

"I'd love to see you rehearse," Blaine said and Kurt thought he might have missed the conversation. Hadn't he been talking about James?

"I don't work during the day much," Blaine continued, "I write songs and stuff but my work is at night so I would be free most days. Could I come to watch?"

Blaine had never seen a production rehearsal and although famous patrons or stars that were interested sometimes came to watch them, Kurt wasn't sure if Blaine would be allowed.

"I'll try," Kurt said, "I don't know if I can get you in."

"Thanks," Blaine said, so optimistic and only hearing that Kurt would try his best. "I'd love to see you sing and act. I can just tell you'll be great."

Kurt wasn't sure how to take the comment. Did he think that Kurt acted through the window? Lived a life that was a fundamental lie?

"I hope I live up to expectation," Kurt said blushing slightly under the praise.

"Well I've seen you dance," Blaine said laughing into his coffee. "It's only right I hear you sing." Kurt blushed in embarrassment.

"You shouldn't have seen that," Kurt muttered and Blaine was instantly sad. His brown honey-coloured eyes melted and Kurt wanted to erase what he had said in the hope that he would bring back the happy optimistic smile instead.

"But it was fantastic," Blaine said seriously. "No need to worry Kurt, you saw me twerk!" The tension was suddenly gone and Kurt laughed along with him, remembering last night across the way. He couldn't remember the last time he had laughed as hard as last night.

"Promise me this," Blaine said with mock solemnity. "Promise me you'll dance for yourself at least once a day." Kurt's face froze in awe. "Dance like there's no tomorrow, dance like no one's watching. It's the most amazing thing to do, I promise."

"I don't get a lot of time to do that," Kurt said quietly, "James would think I'd gone mad."

The thought that Kurt didn't feel he could dance in his own home made Blaine sad but he wasn't letting it dampen his mood.

"Then you should dance tonight," Blaine said in a dramatic fashion, as if he was granting wishes. "I'm singing with some friends at an open-mic night. You should come, dance, sing, be merry. It'll be fun."

Blaine's face lit up at the thought and Kurt couldn't disappoint him. He was nervous at the thought of meeting Blaine's friends but Blaine clearly thought nothing of widening his circle of friends to include Kurt and he couldn't say no.

"Sure, that'll be fun."

"Great!" Blaine beamed. "I'll meet you outside your apartment at 8? We're going to make an evening of it."

* * *

The place was heaving when they entered, Tessa, Ruby and Sam somewhere amongst the crowd. When Blaine and Kurt entered and wandered for a while, scanning the throngs of people, Tessa shouted to get their attention and waved them over.

"Hey guys," Blaine said beaming as he stopped in front of their little table. "This is Kurt."

Kurt looked uneasy. It had been a while since he had made new friends that weren't work colleagues and he realised he had relied on Rachel and Santana, his oldest friends, for a little too long. He blushed slightly as Sam took his hand and shook it warmly.

"Nice to meet you," he said, "You're the guy from across the way?"

Kurt was surprised and pointedly looked at Blaine.

"Sorry," Blaine muttered, "I may have mentioned you once."

"When you get to know him, he's not all that creepy. We promise," Tessa said smiling as she stood and offered her open arms to Kurt. He looked like he wanted to escape but didn't know how and so he took her arms and hugged back.

"I'm Ruby." She just nodded and smiled; Kurt was relieved that she wasn't going to envelop him in a hug too.

"What are you drinking Kurt?" Sam asked and he bought them drinks as Blaine offered Kurt a seat.

"So what's the plan?" Tessa asked Blaine, "When do we sing?"

"Well Sam said he knows the owner and we pretty much have the floor after everyone has finished," Blaine said looking around. "I don't know how many will want to sing tonight."  
His question was soon answered as someone started off the night and explained that they would be introducing each act. Twenty had signed up.

Kurt let the music wash over him. Many of the acts were good and Blaine, Tessa and Sam drank in the music, making comments to each other about what worked and what did not. Blaine was in his element, his face alight with ideas and admiration for many of the acts. Some were nervous, this clearly their first time performing, others were seasoned amateurs who did the various rounds of open-mic sessions. All in all, it was a creative atmosphere that had Kurt's eyes wide as he roved the room.

"Do you sing Kurt?" Tessa asked and he explained his current role and the rehearsal process. "That's fantastic. I always thought I'd never like the routine of Broadway so I definitely admire anyone that can do it. It takes a lot of discipline and hard work, I bet."

Kurt nodded. "But more than that, I guess," he said. "You have to want it in your veins. It's hard sometimes to get out of bed for something that you don't know will be a success."

"Have you been in productions that weren't successful?" Ruby asked.

"Oh yeah countless times," Kurt said, "But you have to believe in each performance you give. You have to think that in each role, someone might see you, might want to take the production further."

"What about this production? Do you think it might make it?" Tessa asked.

"I think it might actually," Kurt said slowly. "I mean there's always the chance that it might not but with the topic and the screenplay, I think that it just might."

"Is the music good?" Blaine asked.

"Not the best I've sung before," Kurt said, being honest, "But the songs fill the screenplay, they seem right and are choreographed properly. It just needs someone to have a look over it, I guess; tighten up a few melodies."

"Blaine writes songs you know," Tess said and Blaine blushed when Kurt looked at him.

"Oh they're nothing really," Blaine said shrugging his shoulders, "I'm sure they're not Broadway material."

"I'd like to listen to them someday," Kurt said kindly, "I've never been very good with writing music. I have the lyrics but never the song."

"We could write a few together, then," Blaine said smiling widely at the thought. "I mean I always struggle with the lyrics, melodies come easily."

Kurt's phone buzzed in his pocket, which caught his attention and he read the text that appeared.

**To: Kurt [10.02]**

_I've got a scene break, baby. Hoping to be home on time tonight. Can't wait to see that sweet ass of yours xx_

Kurt blushed bright red, the text from James causing him to hide his phone in case his new friends could see the message.

"Are you ok?" Blaine asked, without prying too much.

"Oh yeah, it's just James. Said he'll be home on time tonight."

Blaine thought it an odd comment. Surely James was on time most nights after a performance?

"Aw, so you'll be leaving early?" Blaine looked disappointed, but he understood. Kurt looked around at the faces enjoying the music, Tessa, Ruby and Sam all moving slightly to the beat of the piano and the hum of the crowd. He didn't want to leave early but the thought of how angry James would be when he came home to find an empty apartment didn't really bear thinking about.

"Maybe I'll text James," Kurt said, "See if he minds. Maybe he could join us?"

"Yeah that'll be good," Blaine said, his stomach sinking at the thought but he schooled his face so it didn't show.

**To: James [10.06]**

_Hey baby, I'm out with friends at the moment. We're at an open-mic night if you want to join us? Xx_

**To: Kurt [10.07]**

_Rachel and Santana?_

**To: James [10.08]**

_No, new friends. They're singers and planning on ending the show. I don't want to miss their performance. It's nice here, you'll like it x_

Kurt wasn't sure if that was true. James would probably hate it but he needed to give the impression that he wanted James there, anything so the night didn't have to end.

**To: Kurt [10.10]**

_Who are these new friends?_

**To: James [10.11]**

_Tessa, Ruby, Sam and Blaine x_

Kurt had hoped by adding the others first that it wouldn't be a big deal. As it turned out the last word was what James would focus on. It almost seemed to blink accusingly at him from the screen of his phone.

**To: James [10.11]**

_They'd all like it if you came along :)_

**To: Kurt [10.12]**

_I don't think so Kurt. I'll be tired after such a stressful week. I'd really like you to be home when I get back._

No kiss, no please. Kurt swallowed painfully, Blaine noticed.

"Everything ok?"

"What? Oh yeah, yeah," Kurt muttered. "Everything's fine." He stretched his face into a smile. As he was thinking, scanning the room at the happy faces and the drinking crowd, Kurt wanted to be them. They all looked so carefree, happily chatting, laughing and singing as if there was no tomorrow. Kurt wanted to stay here, drink in the atmosphere and be loose and free. Going back to the apartment, to wait patiently for his no doubt angry boyfriend, was not something he relished the thought of. He turned to find Ruby looking at him kindly, like she had read his thoughts and he tried another smile so as to appear less glum.

"They're fantastic," she said, indicating Blaine, Tessa and Sam. "It doesn't matter that they're not rich and famous, with record signings or money coming out of their ears. They love it and the music speaks for itself. You'll love it when they perform." She clearly knew the right thing to say and Kurt could only smile and start texting. His fingers were the only part of his body that portrayed his nerves, his jaw set and determined.

**To: James [10.15]**

_I'm gonna stay, hopefully won't be too late but don't wait up. If you want to join us we're at a bar along East 84__th__ Street. Love you xx_

He hoped the invitation and the last two words might lessen the anger, encourage James to join them after all, but Kurt was disappointed when he heard the beep after a minute.

**To: Kurt [10.16]**

_I might go out after all, a few of the lads invited me for drinks. It'll be nice to be free for once._

That stung. Kurt knew he was saying it to be mean, to make Kurt think he had plans of his own but it was low. He had already said once this week how Kurt nagged him, made him feel trapped, so the comment about freedom hit Kurt square in the chest. Blaine seemed to sense something was up, kept glancing at Kurt in the hope that he might catch his eye. When Kurt looked up from his phone he didn't even attempt a smile and Blaine knew. There was a lull in performances, a break it seemed and Blaine was struck by an idea.

"Why don't you sing?" Blaine asked Kurt.

Kurt hadn't thought about it, had nothing planned but a quick glance at his phone, a stark reminder of his boyfriend's behaviour gave him the perfect song choice.

"I can't play the piano," Kurt said weakly.

"Give me the song and I can play for you," Blaine said, "It might help."

He didn't say what it would help, but Kurt seemed to know that he already knew. Blaine was good like that and Kurt found himself nodding, telling Blaine the song and smiling when he said he knew it. Blaine ran to put Kurt on the list and as the night drew to an end, Kurt was up just before Blaine, Sam and Tessa were due to go on stage.

"Hi everyone, I'm Kurt," he said into the microphone. The sea of faces looking at him expectantly made him feel nervous, but he thought of James about to his end his Broadway performance and prepare for a night out, and he no longer cared. He took a deep breath as Blaine started to play.

_You said it was doomed from the start _

_But I've got a stockpile of remedies._

_Tied down and left in the dark _

_But I still see what you really need._

_Promise me you'll dry my tears _

_Clear my chest of wounds that heal _

_Please forgive what made us ill._

He could see Tessa and Sam in the crowd, watching his performance, loving his voice but it was Ruby's face he focused on. She was watching carefully, not smiling at his superb voice like the others, just reading all of the meaning, understanding how he was singing away his hurt and pain.

_Say you want me to hear but why you gotta be mean to me _

_And scream you wanna be free from me _

_When you know you are and you are but…_

_Say you love when I'm here but then you go and be mean to me _

_And scream you have to be free from me _

_When you know you are and you are boy._

_Throat coarse burnt by pain of our hearts _

_So I'll save the kiss that was bittersweet._

_Cold smiles for us one final laugh _

_So I'll grasp the echoes of your sympathy._

_Promise me you'll dry my tears _

_Clear my chest of wounds that heal _

_Please forgive what made us ill._

Blaine was ever the consummate professional and played well but just seeing Kurt's straight back, he could see he was struggling with his emotions, singing about so much more than just an argument. He had the sudden urge to hug him close, to protect him from anything mean ever again.

_Say you want me to hear but why you gotta be mean to me _

_And scream you wanna be free from me _

_When you know you are and you are boy._

_Say you love when I'm here but then you go and be mean to me _

_And scream you have to be free from me _

_When you know you are and you are boy._

Kurt finished as the final notes ended. He sighed and applause started but Kurt could only sway as the clapping washed over him. For a second Blaine thought he might fall but Kurt merely bowed and walked off stage. By the time Blaine returned to their little table, Kurt was grabbing his jacket, explaining that he had to rush back to his apartment amidst praise for his performance. Tessa, Sam and Ruby merely looked confused, Tess' mouth almost comically open. He dashed away before Blaine had the chance to say anything but upon regaining his reason, he followed Kurt who had managed to walk a hundred yards down the road before Blaine caught up with him.

"Kurt, Kurt, wait," he said, frantically touching his arm in order to catch him. As Kurt turned, Blaine could see his eyes swimming with pain.

"Oh Kurt…" Blaine whispered, almost afraid to say anything else, knowing what had brought this along their path.

Kurt shook his head, a denial of the pity, a desire to run again but Blaine was insistent.

"He's not worth it," Blaine said, speaking into the cold evening air, almost causing a cloud to form around his mouth.

"I need to get back to the apartment," Kurt said, tugging at his arm to extricate it from Blaine's gentle grip.

"But do you want to?" Blaine asked. Kurt didn't think James would care about that, but he shook his head anyway.

"Then stay, watch us perform." Blaine left the gentle whine in his voice as he pleaded. "Don't let him spoil your fun."

Kurt stayed frozen in time, as if he could avoid making the decision if he just stayed still long enough. He knew he had ruined it anyway; James would be mad whether he came home now or later. He started to walk and Blaine let him lead the way, following quietly behind. When he came back in, no one in Blaine's group said a word about Kurt's abrupt departure and the evening carried on. Blaine, Sam and Tessa were soon up to end the evening and they played and sang, ending the evening on a high. Ruby was right, they loved being up there and their happiness and the sheer joy of music, made Kurt feel lighter. It was gone 2 o'clock when Blaine and Kurt started walking home. It had rained slightly when they had been inside so as they walked Kurt kept his eyes focused on the shiny pavement, the puddles dotted here and there. Blaine talked on about the evening, his favourite performances and what he knew their little group had to work on. He was thrilled that they had been given a small fee each for ending the night so well and the owner had even given them a share of the tips while they sang. As he finished talking he noticed the silence hanging in the air and he turned to find Kurt's downturned gaze.

He stopped.

"Are you ok?" he asked quietly. Kurt had continued to walk; only now noticing he was stationary.

"Sorry, just thinking," he mumbled.

"About James?"

Just hearing the word made Kurt feel guilty. He tried for a smile that seemed to stretch and hurt his face.

"No he'll be fine, I'm sure," Kurt said.

Blaine continued walking, Kurt matching his new stride.

"I'm sorry about what you saw the other day," Kurt whispered after a while, the silence getting too much. "You shouldn't have to see that and James isn't normally like that. He was just hung-over, stressed about work and moving. You know they say that's just as stressful as a heart attack?"

Blaine smiled and nodded, trying to lighten the situation. "You don't have to explain Kurt," he said. "I didn't know you then, I was just a stranger."

"Are we friends now?" Kurt asked quietly, hopefully, causing Blaine to stop again and smile.

"Of course, if you'd like to be?"

"Yeah, I'd like that," Kurt said smiling now for real. "Window friends _and_ real life friends. I really should buy curtains though." He laughed but Blaine wondered if he just wanted to hide his relationship away. He let it slide. They reached their apartments, the lights off in Kurt's indicating that no one was home. Kurt felt his stomach sink.

"Do you want me to come up with you?" Blaine asked, the question sounding silly in the quiet night air. Kurt turned to find Blaine's warm brown eyes so close, so kind that he was momentarily speechless. He smiled at the kindness but shook his head.

"No I'll be fine, don't worry," Kurt said, "James will probably be back later."

Blaine wondered, not for the first time, why Kurt stayed with James but he said nothing. Instead he pulled Kurt into a warm hug, causing the air in Kurt's lungs to leave abruptly then he relaxed and sunk into his arms.

"Goodnight Kurt," he said smiling widely. "It was really nice to meet you today, to hear you sing." Blaine's eyes swam with gratitude and Kurt felt himself grow slightly that he was valued so much, by someone that had only just met him.

"Goodnight Blaine, thanks for a great night."  
They parted. As Kurt unlocked his door, he felt the coldness creep back in, the apartment bleak and heartless. He changed on the landing so as not to reveal himself to anyone that happened to look through his curtain-less windows. As the light stayed off, he saw Blaine had left his own curtains open and the light of the streetlights revealed his solitary figure in his bedroom. Blaine stood by the window, deliberately leaving his curtains open, but he blew a kiss and waved, indicating goodnight and Kurt smiled, knowing that Blaine was there to watch over him, while his boyfriend played the night away.

* * *

**A/N**: I stole the line that features in the play 'sometimes a shadow wins' from the song 'Brave' by Sara Bareilles.

**Song quoted**:

'Mean To Me' by Delilah


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**: I've added quite a bit to this chapter, including a scene where Blaine sees Kurt rehearse. Original warnings apply to this chapter.

* * *

_I grew from you_

_Branches from a dying tree…_

_You can't break me_

_I'm a piggy bank on the floor_

_Watch all my spare change_

_Roll out the door_

_Watch all my spare change_

_Roll across the floor_

_Watching me through_

_Your glass door..._

'_Spare Change' by Ingrid Michaelson_

Blaine lay awake, his eyes long since adjusted to the darkness, his ceiling suddenly fascinating in its patterns and faults. He finally gave up but as he got up to get a mug of warm milk that he would never admit to Tessa that he sometimes needed to help him sleep, he looked at the closed curtains. What was Kurt doing behind the window that bared him? Was James home? Blaine took just a second to consider and then he walked forward, tugging the curtain back to reveal Kurt's dark window.

It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust but eventually he could see the shadows of figures then a little more street light made Blaine realise he was watching James come home again, just like a few nights ago. James was completely wasted, just one look could tell Blaine that he had drunk too much but Kurt did not look impressed. Kurt pulled a grimace and tried to face away but James came closer and forced Kurt to look at him, tugged him into his arms until Kurt couldn't resist. James looked ecstatic, his face alive with a smile, though Kurt just looked trapped, trying to wiggle free. Suddenly letting Kurt go, James started to gesticulate wildly as Kurt slowly fell on the bed, no longer finding the energy to fight for sleep or reason. His arms wide, his face animated, James was clearly describing the night in detail and Kurt was not interrupting, more that he listened carefully, storing information for later but giving the impression to James that he wasn't interested. James carried on regardless.

After a while, James realised he didn't have a wilful audience in Kurt and he started to get undressed and went under the covers, not caring that Kurt didn't seem to be joining him. Blaine could only see James' head just above the covers as Kurt rested at the end, now talking to James, perhaps to impart reason. He got up, tired and fed up with James' conversation, causing James to look up from the bed in surprise. Kurt was walking away, not joining him, not looking as happy as James felt right then. Kurt turned to shout something, at the door to his bedroom, a comment that seemed to strike James in the face and he blanched and sat up in his bed. His smile fell, his forehead immediately creased and he got up quickly, standing to face Kurt who backed closer to the door as James' behaviour changed. He fumbled for the door behind him.

James started to shout, causing Kurt to flinch and as quickly as Kurt's annoyance had appeared, it dissipated, replaced by fear and the need to placate. He explained himself, gestured to the window, which made Blaine worry they were discussing him until James was too annoyed and he walked out of the bedroom, taking a pillow with him. In an attempt to reason or pacify, Kurt started to follow James, but as he reached the door, it was thrown in his face with a bang that vibrated through the window. Blaine waited.

As Kurt stood there, staring at the closed door, he felt the sudden coldness prickle along his skin. He really was alone until he realised he probably wasn't and turning he found Blaine now standing by his own window.

Kurt didn't look at all surprised to see Blaine standing there and Blaine came instinctively closer, hating the distance caused by panes of glass. Nothing was said, but as Kurt's expression changed to one of deep sadness, Blaine's gaze softened. To ask if Kurt was ok seemed pointless and as if Kurt knew this to be true, his body sunk and he slipped into bed, knowing full well that Blaine remained where he was, standing guard by the window. Blaine could see Kurt turn over in his bed, his back now facing the window and as James did not appear to be coming back, Blaine went into his own bed, grabbing his phone under the covers.

**To Kurt [1.33am]**

_Are you ok?_

Blaine didn't get a response and he left it a few minutes before he rang, Kurt instantly picking up in fear that James might hear.

"Kurt?"

There was no immediate response but Blaine could hear muffled sobs as if Kurt was covering his mouth.

"Kurt? Are you ok?" Blaine tried a little louder. Kurt nodded before he realised that Blaine couldn't see him.

"Yes," he mumbled but Blaine didn't believe him.

"Are you crying?"

"No, no I'm ok," Kurt muttered quickly, his swallowing heard over the line, desperate to get himself together.

"Kurt…" Blaine started but the words stopped. He wanted to say he didn't have to pretend but he hardly knew him, he was really just a nosy neighbour.

"I know you saw," Kurt began, "But honestly it was just an argument, he'll cool off later, I'll be able to explain."

"But what did you do?" Blaine asked, knowing full well he had done nothing to deserve James' anger.

"He's just a little drunk, it's nothing," Kurt managed, his voice still sounding shaky with tears.

"Kurt you should get out of there."

"What? No don't be silly," Kurt said, sounding panicked at the thought. "He'll calm down, he'll be apologetic in the morning. Honestly Blaine, don't worry." There was a rustle in the background, like someone might be entering the room. "I'd better go," Kurt said abruptly and the phone call was ended.

But Blaine did worry. In case James might see him through the window, Blaine snuck out of bed and crawled on the floor, rising up slowly to peer over the windowsill. He could see both Kurt and James talking now, standing so the streetlights created silhouettes of their bodies. They were less animated, James trying in earnest to apologise or explain. Kurt went closer after a moment's pause and eventually they walked to the bed and got under the covers.

Blaine crawled back to bed and sighed, the idea of warm milk long ago forgotten. What did James say to make it all disappear? In a way, Blaine could understand the need to keep the peace but surely Kurt wanted out, why did he stay?

Blaine explored the damp patch on his ceiling, wondering what James was really like if Kurt wanted to remain. Maybe he should try to set up an event that they could all meet together, maybe lunch or coffee and he could see for himself. Blaine's mind refused to settle and it was only as he got a text an hour later that he relaxed a little.

**To Blaine [2.45]**

_All is well, we made up. Don't worry, sleep well. Kurt :)_

**To Kurt [2.46]**

_Goodnight Kurt x_

* * *

Kurt woke up in strong warm arms, legs entwined around his own but instead of feeling cosy he started to panic. He felt trapped and as he realised he couldn't get out, his breathing changed, heaving in bigger breaths until it just wasn't enough and he felt himself grow heated. James woke amidst the shuffle, feeling the deep breaths against his cheek.

"Kurt, Kurt!" James shouted as soon as he was fully awake. "It's me, it's James."

Kurt breathed easier as soon as James loosened his arms and legs, just his hands now gripping Kurt's upper arms in an attempt to calm him.

"It's ok, it was just a bad dream," James was saying and although Kurt heard, he didn't seem to be registering it until he was completely free and after a while he just lay there sideways looking at the man in his bed. James looked worried, his eyes wide until Kurt let out a deep breath.

"Are you ok?" James asked, "I think it was just a bad dream."

Kurt said nothing. He didn't say it _wasn't_ a bad dream, didn't explain that it had been James' arms and legs suffocating Kurt and making him feel trapped that had caused him to panic. Kurt closed his eyes and nodded slightly.

"Are you ok?"  
"I think so," Kurt murmured, his eyes still closed.

"Come here." James opened his arms, inviting Kurt closer and despite the lack of affection normally, Kurt took it for what it was and came to him.

"Maybe we should go away for a while," James said, his voice muffled in Kurt's hair. Kurt was surprised so said nothing. "I mean I could use a break and your production's not going anywhere." Kurt could feel the hairs on his arms bristle at the thought his projects and achievements were again considered nothing. "You could obviously use a break after that dream, whatever it was and we haven't spent anytime together. What do you say?"

Kurt took his moment, tucked into James' side, his face away, to think it all through. If truth be told he was just getting into the swing of things with the musical 'Brave', and wasn't sure he would be allowed the time off. The thought of Blaine and his new friends caused a pang of something Kurt wasn't sure of but it would be nice to spend some alone time with James again. Maybe they could rekindle the magic of before when Kurt had first met him, first fallen.

"I don't know if I can get any time off," Kurt said.

"Oh don't worry about that," James said nonchalantly. "They won't be able to say no, they won't get anyone better and you could afford to leave that production."

"But I don't want to leave it," Kurt said, hating the way his voice sounded like a teenager who felt life was unfair.

"Ok, ok, I just never get why you stay."

"I'll ask."

"Good," James said, his arms suddenly gone from around Kurt's side. He was getting up, leaving Kurt cold in the bed. "I've always wanted to go to LA, really see how the other half live." He was putting on his boxers, not even looking at Kurt, thinking out loud and not considering Kurt's opinion. "Sunshine, perfection… I wonder if we could break into television if we spoke to a few agents there?" James was musing out loud as he changed and as soon as he was finished he walked to the kitchen, rambling as he went, oblivious to Kurt's horrified expression. He would never leave New York, it was in his blood, he belonged here. James took his silence as agreement and continued to talk as he made coffee, shouting from the kitchen, planning Kurt's life away.

* * *

**To: Kurt [10.12]**

_Hey Kurt, just wondered if I could come to your rehearsal today. I haven't got anything set up for this afternoon and I'd love to see you. _

Kurt admired his persistence and asked Anthony who said 'of course' and Blaine was invited along. Kurt was a bit nervous. Blaine had seen quite a lot through the window but to see him at his most vulnerable, acting a part that he loved, Kurt wasn't so sure.

When he entered, Blaine looked like he'd just been invited to Disneyland. His eyes roved the place as if it was filled with bright rainbow colours and when they alighted on Kurt, his expression didn't change. In fact Kurt realised his smile got wider.

"Thank you so much for inviting me," Blaine gushed as he came closer. "I can't wait to see you rehearse."

Kurt nodded and his worry must have shown on his face because Blaine frowned.

"Are you ok? Do you not want me to be here?"

"Oh no I do, honest," Kurt said quickly. "I'm just a little nervous. No one has seen me rehearse before. I just want to be good enough."

"I know you will be great," Blaine said sincerely. "Don't be nervous."

Patty walked over, happy to be discovering something new about Kurt. "Is this the boyfriend?" she asked Kurt as she introduced herself to Blaine. Kurt blushed.

"Oh no, no, this is Blaine, my neighbour I guess?" Kurt looked to Blaine for help.

"Yeah, neighbours," Blaine said happily nodding.

"Right, let's get to work people," Anthony said excitedly, clapping his hands. "We'll rehearse the scene at the very end and then it'll be musical numbers all day. Sound good?"

There was a murmur of agreement and Patty and Kurt positioned themselves for their last scene. Kurt closed his eyes and from his standing point at the back of the rehearsal space, Blaine could see the transformation. Kurt was now Edward.

"You look different?" Patty as Isabelle said, peering at Kurt questioningly. "Something's changed."  
"I don't think it matters anymore what I felt before. It was always going to unrequited. He doesn't see me in that way; he never has and probably never will."

"Does that bother you?"

"I thought it would," Kurt as Edward said, "But I think I've learnt too much about myself to be disappointed. The greatest lesson I've learnt is that I can hold the weight of worlds in my hands; I have such power that I just know that I don't need him. I'm not defined by love though I know it changes a person. Fundamentally I am who I am."

"Wise words," Patty spoke her line, nodding her head. The words had impressed her character greatly.

"I'm only human," Kurt mused. "I bleed when I fall down; I crash and I break down but it's what makes me amazing."

Anthony clapped, signifying the last line and coming out of character Kurt looked at Blaine who remained at the back of the space. His look of awed amazement was now directed at Kurt and his gaze didn't break. His eyes were bright, his mouth slightly open and Kurt felt his nerves dissipate, seeing the adoration in Blaine's eyes. No words were needed – Blaine was deeply impressed and Kurt felt himself get taller in his eyes.

"There needs to be a song there," Anthony mused out loud but no one commented and the moment passed by.

* * *

Blaine and Kurt met more frequently now for coffee or lunch in between rehearsals and live performances in the evening. They eagerly spoke about anything and everything, fast becoming close friends and there was such an ease that Kurt found himself opening up in ways he had never imagined. Blaine knew some secrets that he hadn't even told James, how he felt during the Karofsky torment, coming out, but some things were never said. They discussed their hobbies, their passions in life, the essence of their natures but nothing about personal relationships. In fact, Kurt deliberately never spoke of James. Blaine would wave through the window but there was always a marked difference if Blaine knew James was in the apartment. They met for another coffee one morning before Kurt's rehearsal and Blaine felt more and more like something was bothering Kurt.

"I'm leaving for LA later tonight," Kurt said after a while as they sipped coffees in the busy café. "It's all a bit rushed but James wanted to go and it's been miserable weather here so…"

"How did you manage to get time off?"  
"It's only for a week and they said they'd rearrange things for me but eventually they just decided to have chorus rehearsals and tighten up the script." Blaine knew that meant Kurt had insisted, possibly even hinting at the importance of his presence in the production at James' suggestion.

"James really wanted the holiday?"

"Yeah," Kurt said, "It'll be good to relax a bit, everything's been a bit stressful lately. We need a break. Have you got a vacation booked?"

Blaine almost laughed.

"No, I never have that kind of money," he said, "I haven't been on holiday since I was a kid."

"Really?" Kurt seemed surprised. "You always seem like you never worry about that kind of thing."

"I don't, but it doesn't mean that I shouldn't. Money is always hard to come by, especially when I can't rely on my parents like Tessa can."

"They don't help you out?" Kurt asked, his eyes wide at the thought.

"No," Blaine said, laughing ruefully. "They don't exactly approve of my lifestyle choices."  
"Really?"

"It's not even that I'm gay, more that I don't have a reliable income. I followed my heart in coming here, it wasn't sensible and they dislike me for it."

"But you're their son," Kurt said, outraged on his behalf, "They have to love you, they _should_ love you."  
"Oh they love me, like you say they have to, but they don't approve of me, they think I'm living in the clouds. They keep expecting me to return with my tail between my legs, begging for forgiveness and hoping for a new start."

"It just makes me remember how lucky I am," Kurt said amazed that anyone could treat their son that way. "My dad, Burt, is the complete opposite of that, really supportive, always proud of what I do. In fact, it's always a bone of contention how much James thinks otherwise." Kurt laughed slightly, like it was just normal moaning about 'your other half' and Blaine smiled, trying to join in. "He thinks I should get a proper Broadway job, really live the highlife, but my dad's always proud no matter what."

"Why do you like off-Broadway?"

"I guess because I can see it all unfold, I can contribute to its success. It's not a machine that is well-oiled, where I would just slot in as another piece of machinery. I strive for it, I work at it and hopefully it pays off. James never gets it."

"Why does he like Broadway then?"

"The money and success I guess," Kurt said, shrugging his shoulders. "He got a Tony for his first performance and it's seemed a little too easy for him ever since I think. He's looking for LA next."

"You're moving to LA?!" Blaine almost shouted. "But you can't move!"  
"Finally!" Kurt exclaimed, his hand coming out as if to say: 'THIS!'

"Someone get's it! I don't want to move either. I love New York, it's my home."

"Then don't move," Blaine said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Well we haven't discussed it, James hasn't even said he definitely wants to move but I think this holiday signifies his intent. He wants to find agents."

"Move onto TV and film?"  
Kurt nodded. Blaine worried his bottom lip with his teeth.

"It wouldn't suit you," Blaine said after a while. His voice was quiet and he dreaded the words that he knew he would have to say. "Would you consider staying in New York if he moved to LA?" Kurt looked visibly surprised.

"But James would be in LA."

"I know, but would you consider staying and letting him go?" Blaine persisted.

Kurt thought it through, the idea of staying whilst his boyfriend left never occurred to him. He looked at the brown swirling liquid he was drinking, the skinny froth long ago gone, as if it had the answers.

"What do you mean?"

Blaine said nothing, knowing that Kurt was stalling, that it was implicit.

"I don't know," Kurt said after a while, "I've never really thought about it."

"You don't have to do what you don't want to do," Blaine said, smiling kindly so Kurt knew he meant nothing against James. "It's your life Kurt, and New York is your home."

Home – there was that word again. Kurt looked around the coffee shop, the bustle of people grabbing coffees on the way to somewhere more important, the loud chatter of others as they took breaks from creative places, the idea of life outside the coffee shop. He loved New York and although he never felt at home in his apartment, he definitely felt it in the city he loved. As he looked back at Blaine who was smiling softly, Kurt knew that he understood and just got him. New York was home.

Nothing more was said about the subject and later Blaine wished him a fantastic holiday in the sunshine, but as they parted, Kurt hugged him goodbye: a real bone crunching hug and Blaine smiled. He had said what needed to be said, even if it had only been the tip of the iceberg.

* * *

They really did have a fantastic vacation. The sun shone, the beaches were perfect and the waves were beautiful. Kurt couldn't remember when he had had such a relaxing holiday, where he could forget everything and just enjoy. It was exactly what he needed and as he lay next to James in their sun loungers, soaking in the sun for James' suntan, he really did think it had started to mend their relationship and make him realise what they had missed recently. They talked, laughed and kissed, things they rarely did in New York, just because of lack of time. As they ate at another fine restaurant on the last night of their vacation, Kurt smiled at James' animated discussion on the love of the musical score for West Side Story at the same time as he tried to persuade Kurt of the perfection of the choreography. James stopped talking abruptly.

"What are you smiling at?" James looked unnecessarily serious and Kurt remembered he hated the idea that anyone, even Kurt, could laugh at him.

"I was just thinking how cute you look when you're enthusiastic about something," Kurt said smiling and coming closer to persuade him of his truth. James relaxed.

"I just love it here," James said after a while, his eyes boring into Kurt's with an intensity Kurt rarely saw there. "I can't remember when I felt so relaxed." Kurt smiled. James certainly looked at ease here.

"I know, me too," Kurt said. "It's been nice."

"More than nice, Kurt," James said, his intensity returning, his eyes wide in their earnest entreaty. "We should live here for real."

Kurt's face fell.

"I didn't think you were still holding onto that idea," Kurt said quietly, almost as if he was trying to persuade himself. The week had been amazing but as they toured tourist hotspots, Kurt had known the look on James' face. He _loved_ it here and his open eyes and lighter demeanour had told Kurt just what he had feared: that James was looking to make a career and his dreams of living here a reality.

"It's amazing here Kurt," James said emphatically, "Who wouldn't want to live here?"  
Kurt said nothing and let the weak 'me' go unsaid.

"We could make great careers here," James continued. "I've spoken to a few agents and they've already expressed an interest in my future here. They all said I have the right look."

Kurt nodded. He wondered what that meant but let James carry on.

"I could walk straight into television here and then movies would come soon after, I can just tell."

"But I've never wanted that," Kurt said weakly but James pounced on the comment, his face alight.

"How can you say that? You'd easily make a career here."

"You're missing the point. I don't _want_ a career here."

James looked at Kurt like he'd gone mad.

"But there's money here," James said with an animation that Kurt knew he never showed in New York. "You could always model."  
Kurt pulled a grimace and James changed tactic.

"Or sing professionally, make a recording, and there's theatre here too."

"It's not Broadway."

"But you've not been on Broadway," James said quickly, not thinking what the comment would do to Kurt. He ploughed on anyway. "New York has done nothing for your career Kurt, you don't owe it anything."  
Kurt thought of the city he called home, thought of the struggle to perform and the striving and he couldn't hate it. He loved the battle to be heard, it made all so much more when he finally achieved it. Performing there was in his blood and he wouldn't hear anything else against his beloved city. Kurt shook his head.

"I love it there," he said looking James straight in the eye. "It's home."  
James' shoulders sunk; like he was losing the battle and he shook his head, thinking Kurt was a lost cause. As they got the check, James seemed to realise this difference between them really was important.

"What will happen to us?" James said as they walked back to their hotel room and Kurt stopped in the hallway.

"What do you mean?"

"When I move here, when I make a successful career here and you're still in New York?"

This was it. Kurt almost felt like his world was spinning out of his control. James' eyes bore again into his own like he was daring Kurt to say what he refused to say.

"I don't know," Kurt said weakly. James just nodded and let them in with the hotel key card.

* * *

As the plane made its way over America, leaving LA behind, time seemed to whizz forward quickly, knowing that it would be much later when they arrived in New York. James had said nothing else about the move to LA and they had one more great night of sex before they left to go back home. He had insisted on the window seat and James looked outside now in silence, thinking it through but never relaying information back to Kurt. Kurt wanted to insist that they stay in New York, that it was _his_ place and _his_ home but being in a mature, adult relationship made him think he had to compromise, make decisions as a 'unit'. There was no compromise now, one person and one person alone could win and Kurt knew it signified the end.

The thought of ending his relationship with James so he could pursue his dreams in LA, didn't seem as daunting or terrible as Kurt had thought and he was lost in his thoughts of a future without his boyfriend as the plane continued its journey. James eventually tapped him out of his reverie.

"However much I want to leave New York and make my way in LA, I don't want to go without you," James said. Kurt had been preparing another conversation in his head and was taken aback. "If you want to stay in New York, Kurt, I'll stay too. I love you."

Kurt was stunned. They rarely shared those three words, Kurt knowing that James felt they were stilted and not as important as showing your love. Kurt had often wondered what James felt constituted 'showing love' but now was not the time to discuss it. James had said he would stay, would do what Kurt wanted, had even said he loved him. Kurt felt his throat constrict but he swallowed in an effort to say something.

"You love me that much?"

"Of course Kurt," James said smiling, "I know things have been tough lately and we've struggled to spend time together but I mean what I say. LA would be fantastic but I want you to realise that on your own. LA can wait."

Kurt thought he'd never want to live there but he didn't say it. James was willing to stay in New York for him, that was enough for now.

"Ok."

"So you'll consider LA in the future?"

"Ok."

It was all Kurt could say.

"Great."

James beamed and touched Kurt's thigh as he looked, once again, out the window as the plane prepared to descend, causing Kurt's stomach to sink for more than one reason.

* * *

Blaine noticed when they arrived back to their apartment, took in James' happy stance and Kurt's relaxed pose as they wandered around unpacking. It was obvious to Blaine that they had rekindled something on their vacation and come to happy decisions and Blaine felt a pang of jealousy that he didn't have that in his own life. Maybe he had been relying too much on Tessa recently. As if she knew Blaine's thoughts, she rung him soon after and explained details about her gig that night.

"Is Kurt back yet?" she asked a little later.

"Yeah, in fact I've just seen him enter his apartment."

"Still haven't gotten curtains?" Tessa said, laughing.

"No."

"And you don't want them to, do you? Dirty dog."

"It's nothing like that," Blaine said, clearly annoyed and Tessa paused.

"You're angry with me?"

Blaine sighed.

"No, not with you, I just don't get what he sees in him," Blaine said.

"Well invite them out tonight, find out," Tessa said, "It's gonna be fun."

"I don't know…" Blaine hesitated, scratching the back of his neck.

"What have you got to lose?"

* * *

"So you're going out again?" James asked as he downed his coffee and walked to his closet, grabbing his jacket.

"Not again," Kurt said defensively, "I haven't been out with them for over a week."

"Only because you were in LA," James spoke loudly from the bedroom. He came back into the living area, already putting his jacket on.

"So it's Blaine again," James said, his face set.

"Not just Blaine. Tessa, Ruby and Sam are bound to be there too."

"So what do they do?"

"Sing, play, any place that will have them."  
James rolled his eyes. "A solid career." He dripped with sarcasm and Kurt felt his hackles rise.

"I thought you'd understand that."

"No I don't," James said angrily, pulling his jacket closer. "We have careers that pay regularly Kurt. He does not."

"But they do what they love, don't you get it?"  
"Whatever Kurt," James said, aware that Kurt lived in a dreamland and would hear nothing of sense. "I need to get to the theatre."

Kurt nodded. James would always leave in the middle of an argument.

"When you come back from your dream of a world where people pay for talent, come and find me. I'll probably go for a few drinks after the performance."

Kurt nodded. Of course he would. James waved dismissively, no hug, no kiss and Kurt soon heard the door close with a bang. It had been so easy to go back to their old ways and habits, Kurt almost smiled sadly. Maybe drinks and singing tonight would help.

* * *

"So James couldn't come after work?"

"No, he was asked out for drinks with colleagues before and couldn't let them down." Kurt let the lie slip out easily and Blaine didn't have a reason not to believe him. He nodded then smiled.

"Well we can spend time together then," he said and Kurt felt the smile grow on his own face, like it was infectious. Blaine was always so happy and optimistic.

Tessa was up and playing her guitar classics, Ruby watching and drinking happily. Sam was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Sam tonight?"

"He got a modelling contract," Blaine said excitedly. "He was worried he wouldn't make it a success but he has and without losing the pounds his first agency suggested. I'm really pleased for him."

"That's great, I didn't know he wanted to be a model," Kurt said, "I'm sure I could have given him a few contacts from James."

"No it doesn't matter, he found an agency that got it, that got him and he'll make it I'm sure." Blaine was beaming.

"How do you do it?" Kurt asked, looking at Blaine with such earnest incredulity that Blaine could only laugh again.

"Do what?"

"Bubble with happiness all the time," Kurt said.

Blaine felt his smile freeze slightly.

"I'm not happy all the time," Blaine said after a while, shrugging his shoulders defensively. "I have worries and fears just like everyone else."

Kurt wanted to take it back. Of course Blaine was human. He touched Blaine's hand gently where it rested on the table between them, causing Blaine's eyes to look up, seeking Kurt's.

"I know," Kurt said, "I'm jealous, that's all. I wish I could be that optimistic and hopeful for the future."

Blaine's expression softened, his eyes like golden honey in the low lights of the bar.

"I never used to be like that," Blaine said quietly, "I guess I just found it was easier to be like that rather than the alternative. I used to sing with the Warblers, my glee club, during high school and I was their lead. I used to think that if I wasn't happy and optimistic then people would find out, people would know."

"Know what?" Kurt had the impression there was a secret on the edge of Blaine's tongue and he desperately needed to know what it was.

"That life isn't perfect, that _I'm_ not perfect."

"Oh but you are," Kurt said without thinking and Blaine looked up in surprise.

"You think I'm perfect?" he whispered.

Kurt tried to laugh, to cloud his comment with comedy but it came out choked.

"I think you're pretty awesome too," Blaine said smiling shyly. Kurt laughed again.

"We _are_ pretty awesome."

"I know that some people don't think that we're awesome, I feel like we have to prove them wrong, show them that we are."

Kurt wondered who it was in Blaine's life that didn't think he was awesome but before he could ask, Ruby was laughing at something self-deprecating that Tessa was saying on stage.

"This is the song anyway and if you hate it don't tell me," Tessa laughed but she started to play and let the words speak for itself.

_I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok_

_I just want to be ok today_

_I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok_

_I just want to be ok today_

"Did she write this herself?" Kurt whispered near Blaine's ear. Blaine nodded, clearly impressed.

_I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today_

_I just want to feel something today_

_I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today_

_I just want to feel something today_

_Open me up and you will see_

_I'm a gallery of broken hearts_

_I'm beyond repair, let me be_

_And give me back my broken parts_

The song was simple and definitely repetitive but Kurt scanned the crowd and noticed they loved it just as much as Blaine and himself. People were tapping to the beat and could recognize the human struggle in her words. She was laughing and shrugging as she finished but the crowd gave her the biggest applause she had all night and she thanked them and left the stage.

"Wow," she said as she breathed out in relief and sat at the table with Blaine, Ruby and Kurt.

"That was fantastic," Kurt said as Blaine touched her arm to show how much he loved it too. He had heard it before, in her room when she had first tested it as a song she could sing in public. Blaine's eyes now twinkled with pride.

"Thanks," she said, "I guess people love the self-deprecation after all. Maybe I could test more of my stuff in future."

"Oh yeah definitely," Ruby said, "How much have you got?"  
"Oh at least twenty songs but I might need to go over a couple to make sure they're ready for public consumption."

"Well do it," Ruby said.

"You've been holding out on us," Kurt said smiling and Tess assured him he would hear more in future.

"Good to see you tonight Kurt," she said after a sip of a drink Ruby had bought her. "Blaine has missed you."  
She laughed mischievously as Blaine blushed but Kurt only laughed in return. He knew her game. "When are we going to meet this boyfriend of yours?" she said.

"Oh he works really hard and always in the evening," Kurt said quickly. "I don't think he'd be free for a while. It'll just be me."

Tessa smiled. "That's fine with us chuck." Kurt looked confused at the expression and Blaine simply nodded in Ruby's direction, causing Kurt to smile knowingly.

"How did you two meet by the way?" Ruby asked. "Some kind of Broadway function?"

"Sort of," Kurt said, "He was a junior at NYADA whilst I was a senior and he was at some mixer for successful alumni. Though he left NYADA that year he's never looked back. He's not needed college, he's got on fine without it."

"He didn't want the training as a back-up?" Blaine asked.

Kurt shook his head. "He never felt he needed it and he's never been out of work."

Blaine was amazed.

"I couldn't have done that," Blaine said, "I mean my time at NYU was precious to me, I learnt my craft, became so much more. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without it."

"James was lucky I guess."

"You don't regret going to NYADA?"

"Oh no," Kurt said quickly, "It was the best time of my life. I loved living with high school friends and feeling part of something so much bigger than myself."

Blaine let the minutes slip by as he listened to Kurt talk about his band and his friends, how he loved doing all those fun things until life got a little too serious and he had to earn a living. Kurt reflected that it must be at least a year since he'd seen Elliott or Dani and he shook his head sadly at the thought. Blaine watched as his enthusiasm for his current life showed in his quiet and slower voice.

"I guess life gets a little boring when you start to grow up," Kurt laughed ruefully. "I was hoping it wouldn't happen so soon."

Blaine looked at him carefully and wondered if he should feel that way too. He shook his head.

"No I don't think it should happen at all," Blaine said. "Who said we need to grow up? Life is for living, it should never be boring."  
Kurt stayed a little frozen as Blaine spoke. He'd felt so old but Blaine had what Kurt so desired – happiness, optimism and the hope of youth. There was only a year's difference.

"Do you sometimes feel jaded and tired though?" Kurt whispered to Blaine, seeming to forget that anyone else was listening. Blaine smiled kindly.

"Yeah, we all do," Blaine said, "But life carries on and you can either go with it or you can get left behind. I so want to take every opportunity. I just _need_ to live."

"To prove a point?" Kurt asked and Blaine's eyes focused on Kurt's clear blue irises ahead of him.

"I can't let them win," he said quietly, barely above a whisper and Kurt knew he meant his parents and all the people that told him he was living in the clouds.

"Can we fight them together?" Kurt smiled and Blaine suddenly wanted nothing more than to grab his hand and run with him, anywhere, but somewhere away from all the mature and sensible ideals and into the sun.

"Yes, we can fight them together."

* * *

They walked home after a few more drinks and the silence was pleasant as Kurt let Blaine's words flit around him and echo in his ears.

"Will you look over some of my music tomorrow or sometime when you're free?" Blaine said after a while. Kurt looked a little surprised. "I mean, I could really do with improving them before I played them to live audiences. The songs I play are getting a little jaded now."  
"Do you always play your own music?"

"Yeah, I mean I start with unusual songs that I make my own or Disney covers but I've written loads of songs recently and I'm a bit nervous about playing them just yet. I'd love to get your opinion."  
"My opinion?"

"Yeah, I really value what you think."

"Then I'd love to hear your songs Blaine," Kurt said beaming that he was trusted that much. "I'd feel honored."

"You haven't heard them yet," Blaine joked.

"Don't do that," Kurt said seriously, "Don't put yourself down. I'm sure they'll be great."

"Well this is me," Blaine said needlessly as they stopped on their street. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah that sounds great, I'll text you." Kurt was looking up at the lights on in his own apartment with surprise. It was gone two o'clock but he'd just assumed James wouldn't be back for hours.

"James is home," Blaine said but Kurt didn't hear and just wished Blaine a good night as he walked to his door. Blaine let himself in, closing the curtains in his bedroom with only one last thought for Kurt. He eventually drifted off to sleep with only happy thoughts of what tomorrow might bring with music and original songs.

Kurt, on the other hand, entered his apartment amidst eerie silence despite the full glare of every light in the apartment. It was unlike James to be so wasteful.

"James?"

James didn't answer; just let Kurt find him in the bedroom. James didn't look up when Kurt entered the room.

"James? Are you ok?"  
"You weren't here when I got home."

The statement seemed to hang in the air – accusatory and hateful – and Kurt started to get a little worried.

"I went out with friends," he said calmly, "Just like I said."

"Friends?" James spat out, the word almost echoing in the small room. He stood, his arms straight lines that ended in clenched fists by his sides. "Don't play me for a fool. You were out with Blaine."

The name was said with such venom that Kurt immediately recoiled. That name should only be said sweetly. James came closer and Kurt again recoiled at the smell. He reeked of alcohol.

"And Tessa and Ruby," Kurt said weakly, knowing that James was too far-gone to see reason.

"What did you talk about? What did you get up to?"

"Nothing, we went to a bar, Tessa played, we had a few drinks."

"Liar," James spat, this time a drop of spittle landing on Kurt's porcelain face. Kurt closed his eyes, wanted this moment to end. He took another step back.

"No, I'm telling you the truth."

"What did you talk about? How your boyfriend is so pathetic and never at home? How your life is so dreadful and you want to change it? Or how you're making your boyfriend stay in New York when it doesn't make your life any better? Is that it? You complain to him?"

"No I don't complain," Kurt begged him to understand. "I was saying how life was getting a little grown-up, that we had to think about bills now, not about you, never anything bad about you."  
"You don't like your life?"

"No I love my life, I love New York. I don't want to hold you back from going to LA and living your dreams though. I would never want to do that."

"Then come with me," James said, "Let us move to LA."

Kurt sighed and sat on the bed. James seemed to be a little calmer but he was still emphatic, like the alcohol had given him fighting energy in his veins. Kurt just felt tired.

"I don't know James," he said, "I really do love it here."  
James let the comment whirl in the air around them. He heard what he wanted to hear, that Kurt didn't love him enough to move.

"Is this about Blaine?"

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked, looking up sharply at the insinuation.

"You want to stay for Blaine."  
"No, I hardly know him," Kurt said quickly, brushing invisible lint from his pants, anything to distract from the honest truth.

James seemed to know anyway and stood, keeping his back towards Kurt.

"I don't want you seeing him anymore," he said simply and Kurt felt his jaw unhinge, the stupidity of the statement so obvious. Kurt stood too.

"You can't do that!" Kurt said outraged, "I'll see who I like."

"No you won't."

It was swift, so Kurt didn't see it coming, but the slap left a sting as his face swung to the other side with the force of it. A darkening red mark appeared rapidly as Kurt grabbed his face, his eyes watering.

"You won't see him." James said again, more forcefully and Kurt could say nothing as James grabbed his pillow and a thin blanket. He left Kurt to stay in the bedroom on his own, a strange sense of doing what was right despite the circumstances. Kurt felt his knees weaken and he fell to sit on the bed behind him as tears overtook him. He covered his mouth in an attempt to keep the noise down, determined not to let James know he had gotten this reaction, but he shook with the effort and heaved in deep breaths. He took one look out the window where Blaine had drawn his curtains closed and let the sobs take over.

* * *

**Song quoted**:

'Be Ok' by Ingrid Michaelson (I pass this song off as Tessa's own original song)

I use a quote from the song 'Human' by Christina Perri, which will be used later on in the story.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**: Last chapter that I originally published with only minor changes/improvements. Thanks for reading and reviewing :)

* * *

_My only friend keep on_

_Wander or leave_

_Turn into winter lights_

_Keeping your strength_

_When it gets dark at night…_

_What you're feeling_

_It's what I'm feeling too_

_What you're made of_

_It's what I'm made of too_

'_Sights' by London Grammar_

Kurt inspected the hand-shaped bruise on his cheek; the purpled mark showing how close James had gotten to hurting his ear. It was a shallow bruise, which Kurt knew he would be able to cover up tomorrow but today was too much. He quietly rang Anthony to apologise for his absence today. He had a 24-hour stomach bug, he assured him, he was sure he would be back tomorrow, then he was gone.

After it was too painful to watch his reflection, weak and gaunt with a red mark to show he was tainted, Kurt turned to watch the still window of Blaine's apartment, curtains closed. Blaine couldn't help him now, couldn't watch with support. Kurt had never felt more alone and cold.

James started to stir after an hour. Kurt rested in bed, surrounded by silence, the coldness of the apartment touching the bare skin on his arms to remind him where he was and what had happened. Kurt could hear a thump and a swear as James obviously struggled to the toilet then the coffee machine whirred to life and there was silence.

Kurt wondered if he remembered, whether the memory of a face thrown back in pain and the shouting had penetrated James' alcohol fuzzy brain. Kurt remained frozen and silent – waiting, eyes fixed on the door handle, until it turned slowly.

James peered in and was visibly surprised to see Kurt sitting up in bed, as if in waiting. He came closer and took one look at his cheek. His eyes widened.

"I did that?" he whispered. Kurt only nodded.

James squared his shoulders and sat at the edge of the bed. He didn't look away, had already resigned himself to the action and been forgiven in his own mind.

"You made me angry Kurt," he said as if by way of explanation. "I told you not to see that Blaine and you wouldn't listen. You shouldn't have made me angry, you know what I'm like. I'd had a few to drink."

Kurt sat frozen, his back pressed to the headboard, his eyes unblinking. In some ways he expected this reaction, he was used to the lack of remorse. There was no understanding here.

"You're my boyfriend, right?" James continued, not needing an answer. "As my boyfriend you don't see other men, right? It's quite simple."

Kurt didn't want to answer, heard the outrageous and irrational logic and wanted to scoff but he stayed perfectly still until James pressed forward on the bed. The red wiry lines of his capillaries popped from his eyes and he demanded an answer. Kurt nodded.

"You see? You understand, you know why I hit you." James got up, happy that he had sorted out last night; that it could now be forgotten. He turned by the door.

"Really it was that Blaine's fault," he said, turning to see the curtained window of Blaine's apartment. "He filled your mind with ideas of a bohemian lifestyle where there are no consequences and it doesn't matter if you can't pay your rent. If you work hard Kurt, you don't need friends like that.

"I don't want you meeting him again, he's not right for you. Do you understand?"

Back was the menacing voice; the dark coldness of his whole body and Kurt found himself nodding just so he would leave.

"Good," James said, with slight jollity. "Fancy a coffee?"

* * *

Kurt stared at his phone. Rachel and Santana had text him frequently since their argument but it was now blank, like they'd given up. Some kind of stalemate had been silently declared; Kurt seeming to accept Rachel's apology and Rachel texting things about her day in the hope that Kurt would reply with longer answers about his own life. Kurt was typing a neutral text when James entered again.

"Kurt I'm going…"

He stopped in the doorway, his eyes instantly on Kurt and the object in his hands. Kurt had never seen him move so fast and before he could do anything, James had swiped the phone from his hand and it landed on the floor beside the bed.

"What are you doing?"  
James' voice was high, just slightly unhinged and Kurt looked panicked. He didn't know what to say, didn't know which words would make James less angry.

"Are you texting Blaine?" James screeched, as if he couldn't believe the audacity.

"What? No!" Kurt said hurriedly. "I was texting Rachel, I promise."  
James picked up the phone quickly and scrolled through the messages. Kurt's eyes flitted over James, as he read them all, no longer concerned that he was reading his messages, more determined that James read and understand that he wouldn't do anything to jeopardise his relationship.

James' shoulders relaxed.

"You have a lot of messages from Blaine too."

"Not that many," Kurt said quietly, "All friendly though, see? And not since yesterday."

James nodded and handed Kurt's phone back to him.

"I've got to go out for a few hours, you'll be alright without me?"

Kurt was surprised at the attention and he nodded. James' expression softened, he came closer and sat on the bed beside Kurt, cupping his cheek in his hand. He ignored the involuntary flinching and came closer.

"You'll see what it'll be like with just me and you, no Blaine to cloud your judgement," he whispered, no idea how his words would be construed as menacing to Kurt. "We'll spend more time together, I promise and you'll forget all about him. Just you and me – that's what it was always supposed to be? Right?"

Kurt weakly nodded.

"Good," James said smiling, "You'll see. You'll see."  
He walked out of the apartment and Kurt let the pent up tears fall down his now damaged cheek.

* * *

Blaine opened his curtains after a restless night, stretched and yawned loudly but as he came to rest he saw Kurt still sat in bed. His watch was checked and he realised that Kurt was bound to be late for rehearsal though he couldn't see James anywhere in sight either.

_**[11.20] Good morning :) you not rehearsing today? x**_

The text was sent quickly and he saw Kurt jump when he received it and almost drop the phone as if it might burn him. Kurt turned to the window and Blaine could see his eyes widen as they alighted on him standing there in his pyjamas. Blaine's face fell as the sadness continued to creep over Kurt and no explanation was given.

_**[11.21] Are you ok?**_

Kurt looked down at the message, once to be considered innocent and friendly, now incriminating. He took one moment to consider all possibilities as his future flashed before his eyes and he deleted the texts. If James saw he would be angry and really it had been his fault, he reasoned. James wasn't normally so angry, his frustrations never physical and he had been pushed to his limits last night, Kurt was sure. It wouldn't happen again and maybe he had been too friendly with Blaine, seeing him too much. It was probably for the best if he didn't see him for a while, waited until James could spend more time with him and this would be forgotten. LA had really been a lovely trip, they just needed that break again before work got too much. With one last look at Blaine, who seemed to be growing more and more perplexed as he stood there waiting for a reply, Kurt stood and made an effort to get himself sorted for the day. He changed on the landing and carried on ignoring Blaine through the window. He watched TV for the rest of the afternoon and tried not to think of Blaine's hurt expression.

James returned, inspected Kurt's phone like it was his right and smiled – happy that there were no messages from Blaine. He handed it back, happier that he could trust Kurt again and made them an early dinner before going out to the theatre again for his performance.

_**[5.01] Hey are you ok? You didn't reply to my earlier message, I thought you might be ill. Let me know if you need anything x**_

_**[6.45] Sorry to bother you again, I just wondered if you were free tonight to listen to my music? I'm not performing tonight so it was just a suggestion. Let me know anyway. Hope you're ok? x**_

Kurt watched every message appear and swiftly deleted them with a pang of guilt. Really it seemed that Blaine was worried, had obviously seen that Kurt hadn't left his apartment today and he knew he should text to explain or something but he couldn't. What would he say? He knew the truth was impossible but he had a feeling that Blaine wouldn't believe any lie he tried to say either.

Blaine was utterly confused. He knew what it was like to be stood up and rejected but this was something else. Kurt was avoiding him, deliberately seeing his messages and not replying, even probably deleting them but why? Had he come on too strong last night? Had he seen too much of him or been too eager to be his friend? Maybe Kurt sensed what Blaine was slowly realising for himself: that he liked him more than a friend should. Then Blaine thought back to those words of Ruby's a few weeks ago: _I know how alone you can feel when something like that happens. He won't want to tell anyone he knows, he won't want to disappoint people or seek help._

James. Something had happened with James and Blaine hadn't been there to witness it, hadn't been there to help and now Kurt was alone and ignoring him. He tried one more time.

_**[7.59] Please let me know that you're ok. **_

Kurt felt sick to his stomach at the message. Blaine somehow knew, had guessed and Kurt felt like he couldn't ignore him anymore. He checked the door and the clock and felt slight relief that James would be gone until at least 11 that night. If he deleted straight after, Kurt was sure it would be ok.

_[8.03] I'm ok, just not very well. Don't worry. _

Blaine had seen a similar message before, after Kurt had rowed with James, and Blaine didn't believe it then either. It took only a second for him to make his decision – he grabbed his jacket.

Kurt received no reply and he went on to watching Gossip Girl curled up in his blanket, truly believing that was the end of their discussion. He jumped at the sound of the banging at the door.

"Kurt?"

Kurt wanted to hide under the blanket at the sound of Blaine's voice. James had locked him in and he wasn't sure where the key was, wasn't sure if he should let Blaine in. Blaine was getting insistent though.

"Kurt, I know you're in there. What happened? Where's James?"

Kurt walked to the door, holding his breath so Blaine wouldn't know he was there.

"Please let me in Kurt," Blaine said after a while, his voice quieter as if he had guessed Kurt was there or he was trying another tactic.

Kurt scrabbled for the key, looked in a few places, not caring that he made noise in the hope that Blaine wouldn't disappear, wouldn't leave him alone here anymore.

"Kurt?"

"Found it," Kurt finally said, his voice hoarse with not really speaking all day. He opened the door to an agitated Blaine who suddenly stood frozen as he took in Kurt's whole appearance. He was still dressed in loungewear, which Blaine knew was unlike Kurt and he looked tired but just one glance to Kurt's face, told Blaine everything. He gasped.

"He hit you…"

Kurt's eyes filled instantly with tears at the shame and he quickly closed the door as he allowed Blaine in. He went to the window, desperate to be away from Blaine – someone so innocent and kind.

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing, it's nothing Blaine."

"Kurt, that's not nothing. What happened?"

"I made him angry, he slapped me," Kurt said shrugging. "It won't happen again, I swear."

"You swear?" Blaine looked genuinely confused and horrified. "_He_ did this to you. He could do anything to you, Kurt. You _have_ to get out."

Kurt's eyes widened.

"No, we're just going through a rough patch. He's not normally like this."

"He's been like this ever since I've known you."

"Which isn't very long," Kurt reasoned, "He was just a little jealous. I provoked him."

"Provoked him?"

"Yeah, he knew I'd been out with you last night. He suspected we'd been doing stuff behind his back. We've been seeing too much of each other."

"We have?"  
Kurt nodded. "I didn't realise what it must have looked like to him. I told him nothing was going on but we can't be friends anymore Blaine. If he's to truly believe me, I have to show I can be trusted."

Blaine's mouth opened. How could someone believe such utter crap?

Kurt walked back to the door as if leading Blaine out again.

"Don't worry about me," Kurt said, trying for lightness in his voice but failing. "We'll be better soon."

"I don't get to see you?" Blaine followed like a lost puppy.

"It's for the best," Kurt said kindly, "And we hardly know each other." As Blaine saw the lie leave Kurt's mouth, the mask slipped back on, leaving Blaine feeling he was standing there watching someone that wasn't Kurt anymore. Not the kind and caring Kurt that he had been getting to know over coffees and drinks in bars. This Kurt was cold, clinical; the Kurt he knew wanted to sing and be in productions that meant something. The Kurt he knew laughed and joked, was sassy and amazingly beautiful. The Kurt before him was a mere shadow.

"I'll need to delete your number from my phone," Kurt said calmly as his heart raced. Blaine felt his heart pound desperately too.

"No!" he almost shouted, "Don't do that. Save it under another name, a girl's name, anything, just don't delete it."

Kurt's eyes filled with tears at the kind gesture and he nodded.

"If you ever need anything, Kurt, anything, please phone or text me. Anytime, anywhere, _please_?"

Kurt nodded, not trusting his voice not to break. He gestured for Blaine to leave but not before Blaine enveloped him in a hug that had Kurt gasping for breath a moment later.

As he let him go, Kurt saw the tears in his eyes just as he knew his own would fall shortly. He closed the door quickly as soon as Blaine left, locked it and deleted all the messages, changed Blaine's name to Belinda in his phone and went to bed.

* * *

Kurt couldn't sleep. The hours ticked on as he waited, looking at the patches on his ceiling, listening for noises in the street below. He had wondered before when James would return after his performance, but after no text and the hours ticked on, Kurt realised James was out drinking again with friends. The early hours just before the dawn were calling to Kurt and he went to sit by his window, just as he heard the birds chirping. They seemed so happy and Kurt envied them. They were free to fly and roam, happy wherever they soared. Kurt felt trapped and cold so he brought a blanket around his shoulders and sat again in his window seat. He started singing long before he realised it was his voice that was calling out into the night, his window open slightly, letting the cool air inside.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise._

He didn't notice Blaine watching in the shadows of his room, just behind the curtain where he was keeping vigil until James returned home. He was mesmerized by the beauty of Kurt's voice.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these sunken eyes and learn to see_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to be free._

_Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly_

_Into the light of the dark black night._

_Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly_

_Into the light of the dark black night._

Kurt was spellbound, looking out the window at the birds, so obviously desperate to be free and Blaine had an image of Kurt opening the window wider, to receive more air, to try to fly just like the birds. Blaine knew he loved him then, knew he needed to save him.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise._

There was a noise behind Kurt that startled both of them out of the song and into the present. Kurt returned to bed and James tiptoed in as if Kurt was asleep, though Blaine knew he wasn't. He was still concealed behind the curtain in case James suspected anything but he watched as James undressed and got into bed, nestling his nose into Kurt's neck. It seemed, if just for tonight, Kurt was safe.

Blaine returned to bed with a heavy heart, not lighter at all by the realization that he loved the man he had been watching in the apartment opposite.

* * *

**Song quoted:**

'Blackbird' by The Beatles


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Hello! Welcome to the first new chapter for those who have read before.

**Warnings**: Discussion of bullying.

* * *

_It's a terrible love and I'm walking with spiders_

_It's a terrible love that I'm walking in_

'_Terrible Love' by The National/Birdy_

Kurt returned to work the following day, quieter, with his head bowed so as not to draw any attention to himself. Upon enquiries into his health he kept his answers simple and avoided eye contact; he was there to complete a job and he would do it well.

The beauty of the stage, Kurt discovered that day, was the illusion of pretence. You could become whatever you wanted, take on a role so unlike yourself, or live a life so far removed from your own situation, that there was a beautiful freedom in going to work after spending a day at his apartment. Kurt didn't think of himself and what had happened but threw himself into the production. Here he was free from James and prying friends. All except Patty.

She eyed him curiously when he entered the rehearsal space, and when he went to the script table, where changes were displayed, she followed him. It was only when he was peering over sheets that he noticed her presence out of the corner of his eye.

"Are you ok?" he asked, giving an angry look.

"I was just going to ask the same question myself."

"Oh right," he said, still peering over the script and avoiding her eye. "Yeah, I'm fine thanks, all better."

"Anthony said it was a stomach bug."

"Yeah that's right, I was up all night, but all better now."

She nodded, pursing her lips, wondering what to say.

"You seemed fine during the day."

It was accusatory and Kurt recognised the tone.

"You think I played hooky?"

"Oh no," she said smiling, her eyes wide, her tone one of easy placation. "I just worried about you."

Kurt nodded. "Really, I'm fine."

There was a silence that loomed, Kurt deliberately looking at the script, though he read nothing. She waited and just as Kurt thought she was getting bored and might bother someone else, she touched his elbow. The gesture caught him off guard and he looked up in surprise.

"You would tell me if anything was wrong?" she asked quietly, searching his face for some confirmation. He said nothing. "I know work can get a little time consuming, but I'm always there if you need me." She came a little closer, her eyes boring into his and he swallowed nervously.

"Anytime."

He nodded mutely and she almost flounced off, her hair bouncing as she went to speak to Anthony, leaving Kurt surprised. He felt tears spring to his eyes that someone cared that much but then he schooled his face, showing grim determination and he sipped his take away coffee.

* * *

Blaine had stood guard by the curtains the night before, until both Kurt and James appeared to be sleeping well. He realised he looked like a creeper but he kept his curtains open all night and woke early, jumping up to inspect their bedroom once again. They both appeared to be sleeping and Blaine relaxed. He casually watched until Kurt left for work and although he was tempted to catch up with him, talk again about the day before, he knew he couldn't. Kurt made it quite clear he wanted his space and Blaine wanted only the best. He needed to know he was doing the right thing though and there was only one person he knew he could call.

Ruby answered after the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Hi Ruby, it's Blaine."

"Oh hi, I didn't know you had my number. What can I do for you?"

"I need some advice actually. I wondered if you were free?"

There was a slight hesitation and then she answered slowly.

"Sure. I'm working but I could meet you for lunch. 12 sound ok?"

Blaine gave her his number and they agreed a meeting place. Once he had hung up, Blaine felt a little more at ease. At least something was being done. At least he could do this one thing for Kurt, even if Kurt hadn't acknowledged that he needed help just yet.

* * *

Ruby was flustered when she arrived late, pushing past someone as they left the coffee shop and coming to Blaine's table quickly, without ordering her own drink.

"Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to be late."

"No worries." Blaine was a little surprised. No one he knew ever apologised for being late. She sat down and took off her coat, her eyes wide and expectant when she had finished.

"Oh right," Blaine said, sitting up straighter, understanding his role had changed. "You want to know why I wanted to meet up."

She smiled and nodded.

"Right, where do I start?" He hesitated; his fingers wrung together, his eyes darting around the table.

"Is it Kurt?" she asked quietly and he looked up quickly, his triangular eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

"How did you know?"

"I guessed from the other week. He got out of that club pretty quickly and I remember saying to you, hinting what he would need. I guess when you rang, I put two and two together."

He nodded, her explanation sounding very reasonable. It made him think.

"How did you know that about him? How did you recognise it?"

She pursed her lips together. She hardly knew Blaine but she could already tell Kurt meant a great deal to him.

"What _has_ happened to Kurt?" she said quietly.

Blaine wasn't sure how much to reveal as it wasn't his story to tell but Ruby seemed to understand.

"I won't tell anyone else, even Tess."

He already knew as much. He nodded and told her all that happened. Instead of gasping at the climax of the story, the horror that Kurt was living with, she merely nodded and Blaine felt his chest deflate.

"I need to save him."

She smiled sadly. "It's not that easy Blaine. Only Kurt can save himself, it's nothing to do with you."  
"What do you mean?" Her statement went against everything he had ever been taught about chivalry and kindness and friendship. He couldn't just do nothing.

"He needs to make the decision to leave, you can't force it."

"I don't get why he stays."

"Because I don't think anyone has ever told him how relationships go. To him, this is all that he is worth."

Blaine scoffed. "That's ridiculous. Kurt's great and beautiful and he could do so much better."

_Wow, he has it bad, _she thought_. _

"I don't doubt that, but the fact still remains that Kurt doesn't know that, he doesn't believe it."

Blaine thought this through. He vaguely remembered something Kurt mentioned in conversation on one of their coffee trips.

"He did once tell me about his high school." Ruby leant forward, much more interested. "There was this one guy that made his life a living hell, he said. Pushed him against lockers, called him disgusting names, threatened him, even said he would kill him once."

"High school was the worst time of my life," Ruby said, looking like she might be sick at the memory. "I live everyday, grateful that I am now an adult."

"Well this guy, he said, hate kissed him once, came out eventually but Kurt never saw him again."

"That explains some of it."

"It does?" Blaine asked.

Ruby nodded. "I was bullied quite horrifically in my high school equivalent. You could almost say it was emotional torture. I knew I had to go to school and my parents did what they could but it was my own personal hell. You think that no one notices. You end up thinking that no cares so if you were to just disappear then no one would miss you. How did it end for Kurt?"  
"He told me the guy eventually left to complete his senior year somewhere else."

"So it was never fully resolved," she nodded like it was all coming together in her mind. "Did anyone notice or help?"

"He said his teacher noticed but couldn't do anything about it."

Ruby laughed in a mocking way. "Yeah, teachers have a habit of saying stuff like that."

"It's outrageous though," Blaine said, feeling his spine tingle in annoyance. "Guys like that shouldn't get away with it."

"There was probably no one else that really noticed." Her voice was eerily quiet, like she herself was accepting things that she wished weren't true. Blaine paused, images of Kurt coming to mind.

"What happened to you?"

"I tried to disappear."

She said nothing else and Blaine asked no more questions. That couldn't happen to Kurt, he wouldn't let him, though he pushed Blaine away. Kurt had to be stronger.

"But that was high school, Kurt has a successful career now, he doesn't have to put up with this as an adult."

"No, but if you honestly believe you are worth nothing more, you accept it. It _must_ be how things are."

Blaine shook his head, closed his eyes.

"What do I do?" he said weakly.

She grabbed his hand, causing him to open his eyes.

"You are there for him, let him know that you always will be. Whatever you can do to make his life easier, make him laugh, make him aware, just do it. He will need you more than ever."

"Why?" he asked, despite knowing the horrible answer.

"Because all his friends will be pushed away and he will be more and more isolated. He will have no one else."

Blaine swallowed. He couldn't let that happen.

"What happened to you?" he whispered, almost scared to find out the answer.

There was a beat of silence then only one word was uttered.

"Horrors."

* * *

Kurt made it back before James had to leave for his performance that night. He was exhausted, his day stretching longer as the protective walls he had spent all day building, were erected around him. He felt his shoulders sag as he entered his apartment but they rose stiffly as James approached.

"Did you come straight home?" James asked accusatorily.

"Yes."

"Let me take your satchel." Kurt, for the briefest of seconds, thought that James was being helpful, until he saw him root in his bag for his phone.

"Did you get any messages?"

Kurt didn't answer but James seemed relieved when he saw his phone. It was placed back in the satchel without comment.

Kurt plopped down on the sofa, closed his eyes in pain but he couldn't decide where it hurt. James looked carefully and then he made tea.

"What are you doing?" Kurt asked after a while, the silence a little too ominous for him now. James handed him a cup.

"Making a tea, you look tired." Kurt's mouth opened. "Fancy going out for an early supper before I have to be out?"

Kurt wasn't sure how to answer. James saw the hesitation.

"Just say it Kurt, you want a quiet night in?"

Kurt nodded in relief that James didn't seem to be too annoyed.

"That's fine, I can start dinner."

Kurt didn't understand. His behaviour was so hot and cold. He looked to James' back where he was putting pasta in a saucepan, his hands sure, his back muscles stretching with his movements and just sat in silence. Were things back to normal? Could this ever be a normal relationship again?

"Fancy some wine with dinner?" James asked without turning around.

Kurt tried for a casual answer but his voice faltered, went slightly higher. "Sure, that'll be great."

James turned and smiled, almost a mega watt smile, reminding Kurt that James had his teeth bleached about a month ago.

"You can have a nap if you like honey," James said, going back to his place by the hob as he stirred the pasta. "I'll let you know when dinner's ready."

Kurt stood slowly and walked to his bedroom, watching James as he went in order to determine if things were to change suddenly. James remained calm and Kurt, his back still taut and stressed, went to snuggle under the covers.

* * *

**A/N**: Hope that explains a little about why Kurt acts slightly differently in this story. He was so strong in 'Bash' I know he comes across as weaker in this incarnation of him but I think without Blaine in high school it would have taken him a lot longer to believe he was worth any more. Let me know what you think.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**: This has been beta'ed by the lovely H T Elia who drew my attention to all my Britishisms! She has agreed to beta the rest for me and tell me when my sentences are way too long! Thank you so much for all the help :)

**Warnings**: Domestic violence - this is the worst chapter and was horrible to imagine and write. Please heed the warning...

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_I'll be the one, if you want me to…_

_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_

_Anywhere, I would've followed you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_'Say Something' by 'A Great Big World'_

Kurt finally got blinds.

When he had moved in he had visions of curtains – deep, purple and blackout style, but when it came to buying, as he perused the shop on his own, he chose blinds. James helped install them, drilling little holes where the poles could be inserted as Kurt made breakfast.

"Fuck." James' hand retracted and he shook it in an attempt to relieve the pain.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, fucking thing…"

James returned to the pole that was causing him grief, he finally wiggled it into the hole and it stayed.

"I made pancakes," Kurt said looking up at the half finished blinds. "Have a break."

"I can't Kurt, I'm busy."

Kurt said nothing after James snapped, but eventually wandered to the kitchen table. He munched a measly bite as he watched James continue to struggle. He had wanted to help, but he knew just a single suggestion might send James over the edge. He battled with eating his pancakes until he could fight no longer and decided to get up to change. James barely noticed him. It was only as he went to leave early for a rehearsal that James turned around.

"Where are you going?"

"Work," Kurt said, slightly startled at the abrupt tone. "I said I'd help Patty rehearse some lines before the rest arrived." James digested the lie, nodding slightly.

"When will you be home?"

"About four, I think."

"What time will you be home?" James repeated, sterner and Kurt swallowed.

"Four," Kurt said slightly stronger, "I'll be here at four."

James nodded, a slight smile on his face at his achievement. He returned to the blinds and Kurt slipped out.

He sighed as the door closed behind him and he felt lighter, realising that he was free, even if only for a little while. Eyes fixed on his lighter footfall and the certain solid steps below his feet, he didn't notice someone was blocking his way out of the main door.

He collided with the warm solid chest in front of him and was startled backwards.

"Blaine?"

"Sorry I didn't mean to bump into you, I thought you saw…"

"Blaine!" Kurt interrupted. "You can't be here."

Blaine's eyes widened. "What do you…"

Kurt quickly pulled him properly into the apartment building. "You can't be here. James could see from the window, he's fixing our blinds."

"You got blinds?"

"That's not the point, he can't see you. I said I was going to rehearsal."

"And you aren't?"

Kurt couldn't admit he had lied to his boyfriend so he said nothing.

"This is ridiculous Kurt," Blaine said. "You can't live like this. He shouldn't be able to tell you who you can be friends with."

"I know, I know, it'll blow over, we'll be sorted soon."

Blaine sighed. "I was going to wait for you and see if you wanted coffee. Do you have time for coffee?"

Kurt looked visibly torn. There was nothing he wanted more, but he knew James could watch from the window, would ask him about his day and seeing Blaine would mean lying. He swallowed against the rising bile and nodded.

"I have time for coffee."

Blaine's face visibly brightened and Kurt felt a swoop in his stomach that he mattered to at least one person. It was a nice change.

"But we have to be careful. You should leave first, meet me at the end of the street and I'll leave behind you."

"Kurt…"

"Blaine just do it, I'll explain later."

Blaine nodded and turned to leave, until Kurt touched his elbow.

"Thank you," he whispered, Blaine's kind eyes shining as the light from the open door came in.

"No problem."

Blaine walked out, quickly trying to get to the end of the street and Kurt, leaving at least a minute gap, counting to himself as the seconds went by, went out the apartment building too. James was still struggling at the windows as he noticed Kurt and wondered what had taken him so long to leave the apartment when he had vaguely remembered him leaving a while ago. His eyes travelled to the end of the street and he spied a jacketed guy with dark hair that looked suspiciously like Blaine though he had only glimpsed him through his apartment window.

* * *

Blaine looked visibly relieved when Kurt met him around the corner, but he said nothing. They walked for a while in silence, Kurt letting it wash over him, no longer a silence that was menacing or ominous. It was the comfortable silence of friends, with no expectations or failures. But as they entered the familiar coffee shop and ordered their usual, Blaine stared at Kurt, his honey brown eyes warm and kind—almost too much for Kurt who felt on edge.

"Are you ok?" Blaine asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I worry about you Kurt," Blaine said. The idea that Kurt didn't know broke his heart. He came forward, implored with his eyes. "You threatened to shut me out of your life after your boyfriend hit you." Kurt visibly flinched at the whispered words and closed his eyes. "I can't sit opposite you, in that apartment across the street and let that happen to you."

"Blaine, really I'm fine…"

"No," Blaine snapped, his hand coming out in a straight line as if to say it was final. "It is not fine. What he did is not fine."

Kurt was shocked, his eyes widen, but he couldn't say anything. It is the first time someone had confirmed what he knew to be true, but the thought of having to act, of having to say something makes him repeatedly blink against the tears burning his eyes. Blaine seems to understand his struggle and his expression is no longer angry and determined. He reached out a tentative hand, touched Kurt's where it rested on the table between them and smiled in acceptance of Kurt's effort. Kurt felt so cold there in the coffee shop; Blaine's hand was instantly warm and comforting. He knew he should remove his own from the table, but he needed this one act of kindness and they stay like that for over a minute.

"I know," Kurt whispered, the words a struggle of acceptance themselves. "I know that what he did was wrong."

Blaine nodded, smiling so small, taking only a tiny amount of satisfaction in the admittance.

"He didn't mean to do it, I guess he got angry. He's never done that before."

"He seems pretty angry, Kurt," Blaine said quickly, determined that James wouldn't be let off so easily. There were no excuses. Kurt sat forward, needing to be understood.

"But he's not always like that, we've just hit a rough patch. I'm sure when work calms down, he'll be better. We'll spend more time together and it'll be ok."  
Blaine didn't look convinced.

"Look, Blaine, I know you're a friend, probably one of my best actually, but I won't be dumping my boyfriend just because we had an argument. It'll get better, I'm sure."

Kurt wasn't sure why he was so determined to see the good and hope for the best, but the thought of making a decision or admitting to people that he had made a mistake was galling. A _guy_ being hit by his boyfriend? Not exactly something he wanted to confess. He knew he needed to get out but he would do it in his own time and on his own terms. Kurt sat taller, his gaze fiercely determined and Blaine knew the walls were back up.

"Are you still my friend?" Blaine asked quietly and Kurt had almost forgotten the promise to James. It felt like a stab to an old wound.

"I'll always be your friend." Kurt's jaw was set. "There's just no point in angering him further. When he calms down about the situation, we'll talk again about it. I'll make it clear that you're still my friend."

"He won't like it," Blaine said.

Kurt worried his bottom lip, the only sign that his armour was slipping.

"It'll all blow over and he'll realise he's being ridiculous. He has this possessive need to show that he's my boyfriend, that's all it is. When he really knows that there is nothing between us, he'll calm down, I'm sure."

Blaine noticed the stock phrase those two words doing nothing to add to Blaine's lack of confidence in James.

"Will you be okay?"

Kurt wasn't sure but he nodded anyway.

"I'll get in touch with you next time," Kurt said, "I think it'll be best."

"Can you really see a future with this guy?"

Kurt thought about it. The thought of one day marrying James, a dream he once had many months ago, seemed ridiculous now, but the thought of being alone in that apartment made his heart sink. The good times had always been good—maybe they could get them back again.

"I don't know, I used to," Kurt said, looking into the dregs of his coffee, expecting answers from the dead froth along the sides.

"Don't sell yourself short, Kurt. You're worth so much more than that."

"I know," Kurt said weakly, no longer really believing the statement and already thinking of what lay before him in his apartment.

* * *

Rehearsal was effortless, or at least Kurt could go through the motions. Patty played perfectly, her lines tumbling out and making Kurt's job extremely easy and she asked no more questions. Kurt would catch her eye occasionally when she watched him carefully, as if he might suddenly reveal so much more with a single expression. He left quickly at 3.30 without much of a goodbye.

When he entered his apartment it was eerily quiet, though one glance to the windows that normally brought light revealed they were covered with newly fixed blinds. He couldn't tell if James was there, but Kurt couldn't settle until he knew for certain. It seemed suddenly important that James knew he had made it to the apartment on time, as if he would earn brownie points. He dropped his satchel on the floor by the sofa and walked around the apartment without saying a word. He soon discovered James on his bed.

He was leaning on his elbow reading a Broadway magazine, briefly flicking through the pages as if he was bored, waiting for something interesting to come along. He sardonically lifted his eyes to the door when Kurt entered.

"You're home."

Kurt smiled hopefully and nodded. He wasn't expecting praise, but he was glad he could achieve something, however small. James finally laid the magazine aside.

"How was rehearsal?" James would let him believe everything was fine; he'd ask the inane questions, he'd act just like any other man in a domestic relationship.

"Yeah, it was good," Kurt said, as he removed his jacket to place in the wardrobe. He briefly admired the colour coordination and the order. By the time he had turned back to face his boyfriend, James had stood. He was now by the bed, his back straight, his gaze fierce.

"Where did you go before your rehearsal?"

Kurt's eyes widened. It was clear from James' face that he was angry, his face full of hard lines, but Kurt didn't know what he thought, he couldn't possibly know. His mind raced, what could he have seen? What could he have discovered?

"I went for a coffee, just a quick one before I arrived." That was innocent enough, Kurt thought, which was surely okay. His eyes darted, taking in the clues in his body language, ready to act at a moments notice.

"Were you alone?" James' voice was cold, quiet but Kurt didn't know what to say. Had he followed Kurt? Was it better to answer truthfully?  
"Of course," Kurt said, trying to sound confident, though his voice faltered. He walked backwards, without thinking.

"Are you sure?"

Okay, this sounded worse, Kurt was almost certain James knew or suspected something, but he couldn't bring himself to admit. This was his only snippet of freedom. He could keep Blaine to himself, protect him when he couldn't protect himself.

"Of course." Kurt straightened his back and made to leave, but James was a lot closer than Kurt had assumed. He grabbed his arm, pressing hard with his thumb. Kurt winced.

"You're hurting me."

"Tell me the truth," James seethed; he almost spat the words and Kurt could see he was barely keeping it together, his anger almost throbbing in his eyes. "You were with that Blaine. You saw Blaine."

Kurt saw no reason to deny it, James seemed to know the truth somehow and he was too far-gone. Either answer would be too much. Kurt twisted his arm in an effort to leave James' ever intense grip.

"Tell me," James shouted, spittle hitting Kurt's face and he closed his eyes in disgust. Kurt let it wash over him, almost imagined he was somewhere else as James repeated the instruction, shouting and demanding. It infuriated James, the lack of answer. It showed a lack of respect when James had been waiting at home, had been assembling their blinds, contributing to their apartment and making their lives better. He gripped Kurt's arm and shouted once more.

He got no answer, Kurt's eyes remaining closed, and really he believed it was the only way to get a response. He slapped Kurt across the face, hardly noticing the split lip, as there was still a wall of silence. Kurt looked almost peaceful, despite the pain to his face. James hit him again, this time higher, nearer his eye and Kurt briefly clenched his eyes tighter against the pain. James was pleased at the reaction. Finally an answer.

But it wasn't enough. James wanted an admission, wanted words, an apology, anything to show Kurt understood. He whacked him again, almost a fist to the temple and as he loosened his grip on Kurt's arm. Kurt slumped to the floor.

For a moment, James thought he might have knocked him out but Kurt rested back on his knees, his hands slumped to his side. His eyes remained closed but Kurt would say nothing. He could feel himself floating above his body, no longer solid, just observing. He could see James kick him in the hip and thigh, felt the dull thud in his own body and felt himself fly, just like that blackbird, he flew away.

James was barking questions, demanding the truth but Kurt never spoke, never gave him the satisfaction. He took the beating until his face fell lower, almost landing on the floor and his breathing became harsher, his ribs crying out in pain, his body bruised and battered. James saw the pathetic body below and realised he had his answer. Kurt hadn't denied it, he'd been out with Blaine, had probably spent a lot of time with him, perhaps even cheated. As Kurt coughed weakly, not strong enough to be of any use, he thought Kurt had received his just punishment and he went to leave the apartment.

Just as he was preparing to perform that evening, Kurt was still kneeling on the carpeted floor, his head lowered. James walked up to him, tilted his head up by the chin, making Kurt see. James didn't seem to care what he had done, there was no remorse there.

"You're mine Kurt," he said calmly, his eyes softer than before. "I just wish you'd realised that on your own. I can't have Blaine put his lips on you, or his hands. He shouldn't get to have you."

Kurt whimpered, closing his eyes once again.

"I'm taking your key for your own safety Kurt," James continued. "I can't trust you not to see Blaine so I'll take your phone too." As he returned, the door handle reminded James that Kurt could easily walk out. Kurt watched as he meticulously unscrewed the door handle on the inside and placed it in his bag. James returned. "You've done this to yourself Kurt. You made me this angry, I can't have you seeing other people." Kurt clenched his eyes tighter, causing a single tear to fall. This caught James' attention and he kneeled next to him on the floor. Kurt flinched as it was brushed away—just the tiniest show of affection in half an hour of hell.

"I wish you loved me like I love you," James whispered. Kurt felt the tears fall faster against his will. "I wish you wanted to spend time with me. It was nice in LA wasn't it?" He wasn't really looking for an answer, so Kurt gave none. "What about going back there? Maybe another vacation, or to live there?" Kurt was silent. "I'll finish the show for you Kurt, I'll leave and we can go somewhere. Just us. You'll see. We'll be better than before. Just us."

James seemed happy with this conclusion and he stood, almost expecting Kurt to do the same. He walked to the door, leaving Kurt on the floor and repeated his last words quietly.

"Just us."

* * *

**A/N**: I'd like to thank those people that have messaged me or reviewed saying they have been through similar circumstances to Kurt. I really am amazed at your bravery but also shocked at the horrors that people do. I in no way want to belittle what you have been through by writing about it so I hope I write with enough sensitivity. I am aware that I am writing about a character and not real life circumstances. With that said, I hope the chapter is good enough and that it was worth reading. Thanks again :)


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N**: Thank you for the amazing reviews for the last chapter. Thanks again to my lovely beta **H T Elia** for the great editing for this chapter. She does it so well and with such humour that I really appreciate it.

**Warnings**: Swearing

* * *

_When you slowly close your eyes_

_Replay the moment in your mind_

_Breathe in and give it away_

_Breathe out and give it away_

'_Give it Away' by 'Deepest Blue'_

Kurt wasn't sure how long he had knelt there, but eventually the floor became painful on his knees. He peeled himself off slowly and hobbled to the sofa where he curled in on himself. He couldn't straighten his body fully, his ribs would cry out in pain if he tried, but he tucked his knees closer and felt the tears come fast and free.

He was cold; he had started to shiver almost as soon as James had left, but he couldn't find any warmth. He covered himself with one of the big cushions he had bought for their sofa a couple of weeks ago. He remembered priding himself on the perfect complimentary match in colour, but now he loved that it was so big it covered his legs as they curled against his sore ribs.

The sun set as Kurt laid there, the colours changing as the light dipped through the drawn blinds. He felt thirsty, opening and closing his mouth, which was tight with lack of movement. His jaw ached, but he knew there was no breakage. He was less confident about his ribs.

He walked to the kitchen, not able to fully straighten his body; it hurt too much. He poured himself a drink and decided to check out the damage. It was a shock. His full-length mirror, something that he had insisted on buying when he first moved in with James, now made him recoil in disgust. James had beaten him badly, and though he had suffered in silence, deliberately not giving James the satisfaction of hearing him scream or cry out, the damage was obvious on his body. The bruises on his temple and under his eye swelled and showed an array of colours that spread like tie-dye. He stripped slowly, inspecting the bruises that littered his normally pale skin along his hips and thighs where James had kicked repeatedly. He felt along his ribs and hissed in pain. Finally, seeing himself so weak and changed at the hands of another, someone that was supposed to show love, made him crumble. He fell to the floor again and sobbed.

The light went out as he knelt there, the sun giving up for the day and finally leaving Kurt in semi-darkness. He glanced at the windows; covered in their blinds and realised he was trapped. There was no escape if he was locked in, no way to contact another without his phone, but as he saw the blinds and felt his heart lift a little. There was always Blaine.

Adrenaline kicked in as he realised he needed to get out, he had to escape and Blaine was the only one that could help him. He struggled up and grabbed a dressing gown before he stumbled to the window. He walked too quickly for his weak legs. The thought that Blaine might not be in was too much; he opened the blinds quickly, wincing at the pain in his ribs. Eyes darted as he took in the opposite apartment. Blaine's curtains were wide open too but he could see nothing except his piano and the bed nobody there. He felt his heart sink, tears filled his eyes at the thought of having to stay here on his own and no one would help. But just as he went to turn away, the sight of the empty apartment just too much to handle, Blaine appeared in the room. Kurt's heart almost leapt out of his throat.

Blaine seemed to be pacing, not really sure where he was headed or why he was there but he chanced a glance at Kurt's apartment, something he had been doing often that day. He raced to the window when he saw and the sight caused him to shout. Kurt was clearly in pain, his body not standing tall or straight, his face a mottled collection of colours. Blaine gesticulated wildly. Was James there? Was Kurt ok?

Kurt seemed to understand the mad signs and indicated that he had no phone and that James wasn't here. Blaine grabbed his jacket and keys, tried to tell him he was coming over. Relief flooded Kurt's soul.

It was only as he was waiting for Blaine, who he knew would be running over, that he realised James might come back at any moment, might catch Blaine here. The sudden quick knock to the door woke him up. The door was locked, Kurt had no way of opening the door and Blaine carried on banging desperately.

"Kurt!"

"The door's locked, James removed the handle," Kurt said. Blaine paused, and then there was a thud as he ran to the door.

"Be careful!" Kurt shouted, "Don't hurt yourself."

Blaine ignored him as he rushed again at the door, harder this time but still not enough to break it down. He tried one more time and he hurtled in, stumbling through the door as he rushed in, causing Kurt to take a step back.

"Are you ok?" Blaine said quickly, desperately, though his eyes finally could see all the damage that James had inflicted on Kurt's face.

"Yes, I'm ok," Kurt said, because what else could he say? He was alive, he could walk and he could breathe. Tears filled Kurt's eyes at the pain in Blaine's face, that he had caused that worry, that sadness.

"He did this?" Blaine whispered. Kurt nodded, letting the tears fall.

"Because he knew I'd been out with you. I don't know how he knew." Kurt whimpered, lowered his head but Blaine came closer, lifted his chin with just a finger.

"Where does it hurt?"

Kurt brought his hand slowly over every part that hurt, his hips, outer thighs, face, ribs, his hand finally hovering over his heart. Blaine looked pained.

"When will he be back?"

"I don't know. I think he's gone to the theatre so maybe not until later."

"We have to get you out. Can you move?"

Kurt's eyes widened. He nodded his head.

"Good, sit on your bed," Blaine said, leading him to the bedroom. "What should I pack? Where's your bag?"

Kurt indicated under the bed and Blaine dragged it out and opened his closet.

"We should just take the essentials, we can come back with the police."

Kurt's eyes widened in panic.

"No Blaine, we can't call the police, he'll get angry. He'll hurt you, I can't let…"

"Kurt, Kurt, calm down."

Kurt didn't realise he had sounded so panicked. Blaine was kneeling by his knees, clutching his hands to try and calm Kurt down, imploring with his beautiful brown eyes. Kurt felt his heartbeat slow down.

"It's ok Kurt, I'm here, James can't hurt you now."

Just the words, said so calmly and from one that he could trust so well, made Kurt's eyes fill with tears, but he smiled instead of letting them fall.

"Now what do you need? What shall I pack?"

Kurt directed him to his favourite and most comfortable clothes and told him what toiletries he couldn't live without. Soon he was all packed, taking memories he didn't want to risk leaving behind in case James took his anger out on those things that were left. He took photo albums, a perfume bottle that had belonged to his mother and his home videos.

"Is that everything?"

"I think so."

"We should get you changed."

Kurt looked a little shocked at the mention of 'we', but he nodded. Blaine seemed to understand his reticence.

"I'll just stand here, turn my back, I promise."

Kurt started to change, had thought he could manage but he winced then groaned loudly as his ribs screamed at him in pain.

"Kurt?"  
"I can't do it alone," Kurt whispered, feeling so pathetic, but Blaine was instantly behind him by his closet.

"I'll close my eyes Kurt, tell me what you need."

"I can't lift my arms to put the T-shirt on."

"Let's put a button-up on instead," Blaine said calmly. As the dressing gown rested tied around Kurt's lower half, Kurt turned to face Blaine with the button-up. He almost laughed at the sight of Blaine's scrunched up eyes, an effort to keep Kurt's modesty intact.

"I think we're beyond all that," Kurt said, "You can open your eyes Blaine."

Blaine looked a little relieved as he opened his eyes, but he soon started work on Kurt's shirt buttons. His hands were careful as he did the buttons slowly, his eyes kind.

"Thank you," Kurt whispered. There was an exchange, something passed between them and Blaine smiled.

"You're welcome."

Kurt pulled a face when he realised.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't bend down, I think I've broken a few ribs." Blaine seethed, but said nothing. "I can't put my underwear on by myself."

Kurt got a pair of boxers and weakly held it in his hands. Blaine nodded, accepted his new mission as if it was a matter of life and death. He knelt in front of Kurt. As Kurt rested his hand on Blaine's shoulder, he placed his legs gingerly in the holes of the boxers. Blaine blushed as he brushed the underwear further up Kurt's muscled legs until Kurt could pull up the rest and Blaine grabbed the overnight bag off the bed to distract himself. He swallowed.

"Right," Blaine said, "Ready to go?"

Kurt took a final look around. He was hoping he would never have to come back here and the thought filled him with hope. It had never been home, but he had tried to make it all a success and it had failed. He couldn't close the now broken door but he never looked back once he crossed the threshold.

Blaine took him quickly to his own apartment and sat him down at the stool in his small kitchen. He got a pack of frozen peas and took Kurt's hand to rest it over his temple where the biggest bruise was. He took the first aid kit in the corner and found some alcohol wipes.

"This will sting a little but I need to clean your lip."

Kurt involuntarily licked his lips, realising for the first time that his lip was broken and crusted with blood. Blaine cleaned it carefully, slowly, holding Kurt's chin to keep him there. Kurt watched as he took care of him, how methodical he was, how careful not to hurt him further. Kurt blinked away tears.

"I'm worried about your ribs, I think we should get you checked out."

"No," Kurt said instantly, his eyes wide and although Blaine hated it, he nodded in acceptance.

"You don't want to call the police?"

"I don't know," Kurt said, looking down at his hands, resting in his lap.

"There's no pressure Kurt, I promise, but I think you should press charges and the sooner the better, so they can see what he's done to you."

Kurt understood, but the thought of seeing James again, even in court or to get the rest of his things, filled him with a deep dread. He couldn't admit, even to his closest friends, how wrong he had been about James, how low he had been driven down. Blaine saw the struggle and took his hands gently in his warm fingers.

"We don't have to decide now, let's get you to safety first."

Kurt looked surprised.

"You can't stay here, Kurt," Blaine said kindly. "James knows where I live. This is the first place he will go. Can I take you to a friend?"

Kurt thought hard. James knew where Santana and Rachel lived too. They had frequently stayed there before they moved in together and Kurt couldn't face the idea of staying where his friends might say 'I told you so.' He could go back home to Lima but, he knew his dad would be horrified at his face and would go after James. He couldn't do that to Burt.

He had nowhere to go. He shook his head.

"Can I take you to my friend Tessa?" Blaine asked, now stroking Kurt's hand with his thumb. "She lives with Ruby, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind sharing, so you could have the bed."

"I don't want to impose."

"You won't. Let me do this for you, let me look after you."

Kurt felt a little helpless, but he nodded weakly. Blaine took Kurt's hand and led him to the door.

"Will you be there too?"

Blaine was surprised. "Do you want me to be?"

The thought of leaving Blaine now, being away from someone so dependable and caring, filled him with panic and Kurt nodded frantically. Blaine stroked his hand once again to reassure him.

"Then of course I'll be there," he said calmly, "I'll always be there."

Kurt relaxed and sighed as Blaine grabbed a few things in an overnight bag. He took Kurt's hand again gently, suddenly wondering when it had become so easy to be so affectionate to Kurt, and smiled.

"Are you ready?"

He really was and he nodded. They hailed a taxi and got to Tessa and Ruby's apartment a little while later.

* * *

"Blaine?" Tessa opened the door amidst chaos and was surprised to see her best friend there. Kurt was hovering by the side of the door unseen.

"Would you mind if Kurt and I stayed for a while," Blaine was saying, "I wouldn't ask unless it was really important."

"Kurt?" Tessa seemed very confused but her face immediately changed when she saw Kurt, who came out of the shadows.

"Oh fuck," she instantly said, her mouth coming to cover her mouth in shock. She hurried them in and called to Ruby, who was walking from her room. She looked less surprised to see Blaine and Kurt and didn't flinch when she saw Kurt's injuries. She bit her lip, seemed to struggle to control her emotion and walked calmly to make tea. Tessa was less calm.

"What the fuck? How did this happen? Who did this to you? Have you called the police?"

"Calm down, Tess," Blaine was saying as Kurt sat down in the comfiest spot on the sofa. He said nothing, though eyes roved over him as if he wasn't completely there.

"James did this," Blaine said. "Kurt had to get out and he couldn't stay with me. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course I don't fucking mind," Tessa said waving her hand about as if Blaine was being ridiculous. "That's not the point. Have you called the police on this motherfucker? You can't let him get away with this."

"Just take your tea," Ruby said, forcing a warm mug into Tessa's hand and a cookie in her mouth. "You need to stop talking."

Tessa protested with a mouthful of cookie, but Kurt was grateful as he accepted his mug of tea.

"Are you ok?" Ruby asked as she sat next to Kurt on the sofa. He nodded thankfully, but didn't really know what to say. It was so obvious that he wasn't fine. "How about you take a bath? I'll make it while you drink your tea and you can take as long as you like."

Kurt sighed at the thought and nodded.

"Good," Ruby said, glad she could be useful and she went to make the bath. As Tessa finished her cookie, she had witnessed Ruby's behaviour, understood a little more of what Kurt needed and she simply waited. Blaine finished making tea and let the silence envelop them.

"Do you need anything? Painkillers?" Blaine asked Kurt as Ruby returned. Kurt shook his head.

"I think I might fall asleep if I did that. I'll take the tea in there if you don't mind?" Ruby directed him to the bathroom, showed him all the towels he could borrow and left him to the peace and quiet. As soon as the door was closed, Blaine turned to face Tessa expecting her demeanour to change at any moment.

"Blaine, what the fuck?" She was quieter, but still incredulous.

Blaine was weary. It caught up with him; all the desperate panic, the adrenaline, the need to fix things instantly and he flopped on the sofa, closing his eyes against the tears threatening to flood his face.

"What happened?" Ruby asked quietly.

Blaine relayed what had happened: the casual glance out the window to check on Kurt's apartment once again, the shock of finding him battered and bruised and the tough attempts to knock the door down. Ruby took it all in, didn't register surprise, only sadness that it had come to this. Tessa was outraged.

"We've got to call the police, get that fucker arrested. He can't go around doing that to people like Kurt. Fuck, he can't do that to anyone. He can't get away with it."

"I don't have Kurt's permission to do that," Blaine said his fist clenched in frustration. He wanted nothing more than to physically hurt James himself. "Kurt needs a safe place at the moment and James thinks Kurt's been unfaithful with me. My apartment will be the first place he looks. We needed to get out of there."

"Well, thank god Kurt's free," Tessa said, already tired with it all.

"He's going to need you so much," Ruby suddenly said, looking to Blaine.

"I'd do anything for him," Blaine said instantly, his eyes sure and confident as he looked to Ruby. She smiled and nodded.

"Good, I'm glad."

* * *

**A/N**: I'll hopefully be updating every other day now that I'm going back to work.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N**: Sorry for the wait. Hopefully another chapter will be up at the weekend. Thanks to my lovely beta **H T Elia** once again :)

_ I know your insides are feeling so hollow_

_And it's a hard pill for you to swallow…_

_Love me today, don't leave me tomorrow_

_Yeah but if I fall for you_

_I'll never recover_

'_Love Somebody' by Maroon 5_

Kurt lay there, soaking in the warmth of the overheated bath and the steam, closing his eyes against the pain and sinking every so often into the water. It was nice to be fully submerged and he almost hated coming out nearly an hour later. His skin had pruned and the water turned nearly cold, but he sat on the toilet seat, wrapped in a large towel until he could face drying his body and attempting to do something with his hair. Everything was slow, but eventually he came out of the bathroom wrapped in his own dressing gown, grateful that he had remembered to pack it.

He couldn't believe, as he stared at himself in the mirror, just how low he had been brought down at the hands of another. He looked so weak and pathetic, his eyes hollow, set in a face of pain that he was almost disgusted with himself. He thought back to his first dreams of the city, how high his star was going to ascend, how successful he would be if only he tried. His first year had been awesome, looking back. Rachel had been the fantastically fabulous best friend that he needed to push himself to achieve his goals, but meeting James had changed him, he realised. He hadn't noticed, but looking back he became quite happy to stand in James' shadow, achieve smaller dreams in order to watch James shine. He had no idea what he wanted to do now, how to really get out but he couldn't perform. The idea of returning to normal, pretending again, felt too big and insurmountable. Life with James had killed the dream.

Just as he was trying to work out what new dreams might look like there was a soft tap on the door.

"Kurt? I was just checking if you were ok. Do you need help changing?" Blaine's voice was so gentle and caring, Kurt felt himself well up again and he shook his head at his silly behaviour. It was a shock to have someone care that much, it made him feel that he was worth just a little bit more than he had been led to believe. He opened the door slowly, smiling shyly as Blaine's concerned face came into view.

"If you don't mind?" Kurt said. "I don't think I can bend."

Blaine nodded and helped him find some pyjamas. He changed him carefully, slowly and once he saw Kurt struggle to unclick the lid of his product, he helped style his hair. It was nice to feel slightly human again and he stood in front of the mirror, he was still battered and bruised, but a lot less damaged.

There was a timid knock at the door and Ruby peeked her head around. "We were going to order pizza, if you fancied it?" Kurt looked a bit confused so she clarified. "Would you like some?"

"Thanks, that'll be great," Kurt said quietly. Ruby smiled.

"Cool, anything in particular?"

"Oh, anything will be fine," Kurt started to say, then something switched… It was his turn now. There was no need to be so timid; he'd been pushed around enough.

Ruby was turning to leave when Kurt stopped her. "Actually, I don't like anchovy."

She turned to face him and smiled. "Understood."

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked and Kurt suddenly noticed he was ever so gently stroking his arm by the elbow, in rhythmic patterns. It seemed that even Blaine hadn't realised he'd been doing it.

"I will be, I think," Kurt said. Blaine was close, but instead of it being menacing, it was comforting, like he belonged there; Kurt felt a little more at ease.

"Let's get back in there then," Blaine said, indicating the living room. "We don't want them to decide which movie to watch as well as which pizza to order."

The evening was sleepy. Tessa was subdued, obviously, after a talking to from Ruby and Blaine. After that, she asked no more questions, said nothing about the events of the day. She side-eyed Kurt every so often when she didn't think he noticed and would throw a concerned look at Blaine, but Kurt was grateful for her silence. They watched Kurt's choice of 'The Sound of Music' without grumbling and laughed and sang along when they'd had a few glasses of wine. Blaine was a reassuring warm presence next to him on the sofa. He deliberately gave Kurt his space and though they weren't touching, Kurt knew he was near and it soothed him. Kurt felt the day catching up on him and though he was tense his head eventually slipped and as he closed his eyes, rested on Blaine's shoulder.

"He looks absolutely shattered," Tessa said after a while, her eyes taking in Kurt's sleepy pose. "What has that fucker been doing to him? How long has this been going on?"

"I don't know," Blaine whispered. "Too long."

"Do you want help taking him to bed?"

"No I'll manage. Is it still okay if he takes your bed?"

"Yeah, Ruby and I are about to see way too much of each other," Tessa joked, giving Ruby a cheeky wink. Ruby rolled her eyes.

"Swap places?" she asked Blaine with obvious panic, but he only laughed.

"I'll take the sofa."

He started to lift Kurt, careful not to hurt his ribs further and despite the shock and the physical violence of the day, Kurt curled into Blaine, wrapping his arms around his neck securely. Blaine's heart clenched at the sight, but he took his job seriously and led him carefully to Tessa's bedroom. As he was preparing to wrap Kurt carefully within the duvet, Kurt whined, his arms searching the warmth he had found earlier in Blaine's embrace. His eyes remained closed, fresh pain on his face and Blaine couldn't leave him. Still fully clothed, Blaine went under the covers and lay next to Kurt on the double bed. As if the distance offended Kurt, he came closer until Blaine could envelop him in his arms fully and Kurt relaxed.

The day had been long and tiring, but Blaine couldn't sleep. The thought of James hitting and kicking Kurt, so beautiful, so innocent was just too much. Occasionally his jaw would tense with the need for justice, but sometimes the idea that anyone could hurt him was just too overwhelming. Kurt woke occasionally in the night, startled by a close presence or the ticking of a clock and he would thrash until he realised where he was. Blaine would sooth him, stroke his hair and murmur that he was ok until Kurt realised he was or very soon will be.

* * *

Blaine woke before Kurt and extricated his limbs as Kurt had clutched him tighter during the night. He watched him sleep for a few peaceful moments before padding out gently.

"Did you sleep well on the sofa?" Tessa was mocking him already as she stood by the coffee pot, sipping coffee in her oversized pyjamas, her hands hidden inside her sleeves. She laughed.

"I didn't make it to the sofa."

"I can see that." She raised an eyebrow.

"It's not like that," Blaine said, pouring himself a coffee. "He didn't want me to leave. I slept fully clothed."

Tessa's face looked pained.

"God, Blaine I know," she said, all seriousness. "I know Kurt's not ready for that."

He nodded.

"When do you plan on killing James though?"

"What?"

"You do want to do some serious damage to that fucker, right? Who wouldn't in your position?"

"What do you mean?"

"You love him, it's fucking obvious."

He stared for a moment then sighed—heavy and annoyed.

"Is it that fucking obvious?"

"I'm afraid so," she said, as if she was diagnosing a serious illness. "I don't think Kurt knows though. He just needs someone to care, and come on, anyone would be better than that douche."

Blaine's jaw tensed at the mention of James again and his back straightened.

"Will Kurt press charges? What will happen?"

"I honestly don't know," Blaine said. "I mean I know what he should do, but I can't make that decision for him. I can't even imagine what I would do in that situation. I just need him to be safe."

Kurt padded into the kitchen, his footfall so quiet that Blaine wasn't sure how long he had been there.

"Kurt, how are you? Did you sleep ok?" Tessa asked and Kurt blushed slightly at the thought.

"I think so."

"Coffee?"

Kurt nodded.

"What do you want to do today?" Blaine continued.

"I need to call my dad. I don't have anyone's phone number without my mobile and I need to explain that I won't be going back to the musical."

"Really? But you love that show, you can't quit."

Kurt was sad at Blaine's tone and Blaine felt instantly guilty.

"It's not what I wanted. I loved being a part of it, but I can't face going there everyday to rehearse like nothing's happened. It's not me anymore."

"So you're quitting?" Tessa didn't mean it to sound like a judgement and she instantly regretted the question when she saw the hurt on Kurt's face.

"Tess…" Blaine warned.

"No, I didn't mean it like that," Tessa started again, coming closer to Kurt in order to indicate her truth. "I just can't help but feel that you're letting him win."

"What do you mean?" Kurt barely spoke, his face pale, his voice taking on a ghost like quality.

"You're not pressing charges, you're quitting your job. He's winning. That piece of scum is winning."

Kurt's eyes were wide and almost afloat with tears, too shocked to let them fall. Tessa stood her ground.

"I know I don't know you well and I know that what you went through yesterday was truly dreadful, but I hate that you're letting him win. I hate that he's really beaten you every which way he can."

"Stop, Tess! Stop!" Blaine shouted, pressing her arms so she was farther away from Kurt, who finally blinked and let the tears fall. She said nothing, took nothing back and waited for Kurt to speak. He stayed silent.

"Don't listen to her Kurt, don't…"

Tessa cut Blaine off, speaking softly, coming forward to hold Kurt's hands.

"Don't let him win, Kurt."

She waited quietly, her eyes wide and imploring and he took a shaky breath.

"I don't know what to do."

Tessa took that as an invitation to carry on and she led him to the sofa.

"I'll support you whatever you decide to do and I know Blaine will, but when you think about it, just remember that he tried to squash you, tried to push you down. You shouldn't let him succeed. Do whatever you need to do to feel like 'you' again."

Kurt nodded, his gaze to the floor, his mind elsewhere and Tessa took that as her cue to leave. Blaine couldn't be angry with her anymore, but she smiled sadly at Blaine as she left the apartment and he mouthed a 'thank you'.

Blaine let Kurt sit in silence for quite a while, but after a few minutes he saw the hand on Kurt's thigh and touched it ever so gently, so as not to shock him. Kurt barely registered it so Blaine started to stroke in circular patterns.

"Do you think I'm weak?" Kurt asked, avoiding Blaine's eye.

"What? No, of course not!"

"I feel weak, I feel like all the fight's been driven out and I can't do it anymore."

Kurt rested back, his head on the sofa and closed his eyes. Blaine got a chance to properly look at Kurt's bruised face, his cut lip and he felt something swirl in the pit of his stomach. This poor guy had suffered in the most horrible of ways at the hands of someone who professed love, only yesterday.

"What do you want to do?"

"I want him out of my life and I never want to see him again."

"Okay."

"I want to feel like I can make my own decisions again, I want to leave that show not because he's won, but because I want to start again somewhere else. I don't want the memories anymore, of the good times or the bad. I want to know that my dad doesn't blame me for all of this, that my mistakes won't make a difference."

"He couldn't blame you. Why don't you call?"

"I will. I think I've decided."

"Decided?"  
"I'm not going to call the police. If he leaves me alone, if I can get my stuff without any trouble then I'll drop it."

"I think you're very brave."

Kurt was surprised. "I'm not brave."

Blaine clutched Kurt's hand a little tighter.

"Yes you are Kurt, god you're so brave. I couldn't do that, I couldn't let him get away free."

"He took a part of me already, he doesn't deserve anymore of my time or energy. I'm worth more than that."

"Yes, yes you are."

"I haven't forgiven him, I'm just not letting him take anymore."

"Go call your dad and I'll make coffee."

* * *

Blaine had deliberately given Kurt his space and simply placed his coffee and the phone on the side table in the bedroom and touched his shoulder gently. His fingers pressed, just there, just to let him know he was near. To Kurt, the bed had never felt so big.

Kurt stared at the phone for a while, easily remembering his father's number, but thinking of how to start such a horrible topic. He swallowed and took a deep breath.

"Hello?"

"Dad."

"Kurt! How you doing, kiddo? Long time no hear."

Kurt wasn't sure how to answer, instantly thinking of just saying he was fine. He hesitated too long.

"Kurt? Is something wrong?"

"Dad…" he suppressed a sob, which caused it to be much louder.

"Kurt, where are you? What happened?"

"I'm staying with a friend, Dad. I'm no longer with James."

"What happened? Are you ok?"

"He hit me."

"What?" Burt shouted and Kurt could hear him stand and knock something over. "Where? How bad? Have you called the police?"

The questions were endless and Kurt didn't know which to answer first.

"He punched me and kicked me. I think I might have broken a rib, but I'm okay."

"Shit Kurt, you're so far away…"

Kurt could hear the cogs in his mind working overtime, thinking of ways that Kurt could come home, could get help or how Burt could go to New York.

"Have you called the police? When did this happen?"

"Yesterday. I don't have my phone because he took it and locked me in."

"Why that little… Kurt, I'll get a flight out as soon as possible. How can I contact you? Are you safe? Where are you now?"

"Dad, your heart…"

"Don't start Kurt, I'll be out there as quickly as I can. Where are you?"

"I'm staying with Blaine's friend Tessa. I'm safe, James doesn't know where I am."

"Good, who's this Blaine?"

"A friend I met a few weeks ago. He lives in the opposite apartment to the one I shared with James. He's been looking after me. He got me out of my apartment."

"Well I need to meet this Blaine then, seems I owe him a lot."

It was the first time he had really thought of all that had happened and the amazing debt he owed Blaine hit him like a freight train. He owed Blaine his life.

Burt brought him out of his reverie. "Call the police Kurt. Call the police."

"I can't, I just want to forget," Kurt whispered.

Burt sighed, but seemed to want to say more.

"We'll talk about it later. I'm sure I'll be there rather late, but I'll let you know. Give me Blaine's number and the address you're at and I'll contact you to let you know which flight I'm on."

Kurt did that quickly, checking with Blaine who was in the other room.

"Is that Blaine? Put him on," Burt demanded as soon as he had taken down all the information.

Kurt asked quietly, secretly giving Blaine a look of apology. Blaine smiled with understanding, only too happy to reassure if he could.

"Hello Mr Hummel, this is Blaine."

Burt smiled. "I hear you rescued my son, got him out and safe?"

Burt made it sound much more heroic than Blaine remembered. There was just the harshness and the evil of all that'd happened, the desperation to get Kurt out, the need for him to be safe and sound.

"I couldn't stand back, sir…" Blaine started.

"Cut out that 'sir' business, you're family now." Blaine flushed at the instant acceptance. "I have your number and the address from Kurt and I'll contact you when I know what my travel arrangements are. I'm coming to New York as soon as possible. Is there a possibility that James could find him?"

"I don't think so, he doesn't know where Tessa lives."

"Good. What about the police? Kurt says he doesn't want to do it, but you've got to persuade him. That James needs to know he can't do that. What made him go crazy anyway? Why did he hurt Kurt like that?"

"I think James got a little jealous, noticed that Kurt was spending more time with me and my friends."

"You've been inappropriate with my son?"

"Oh, god no," Blaine said, mortified, "I wouldn't do that."

"Good. I mean not that it would be an excuse for James. No one treats my son like that. I'll call soon. Thanks for looking after Kurt, Blaine."

"It's what anyone would have done in my situation."

Blaine handed the phone back to Kurt, who was watching intensely. Kurt finished the conversation, took down a few numbers of friends and promised his dad he would answer the phone if he called.

"Thanks," Kurt whispered, after the call. "I know my dad can be a little… adamant about things."

"He obviously loves you very much," Blaine said kindly. "He's looking out for you."

Kurt nodded as if to say that he knew. He sat down on the bed gingerly as if still in pain.

"Are you ok?"

"He wants me to call the police, to press charges. I know."

"It's natural for him to want justice, Kurt. What James did was wrong."

"You think I should do it?"

"It doesn't matter what I think Kurt, it's your choice and I'll support you no matter what. You have to believe that." He sat down next to Kurt, clutched Kurt's hand as it rested on his legs. His earnest warm honeyed eyes imploring Kurt.

"I do."

"Then you have to do what is best for you. I think it may become necessary for you to ask the police for advice, I don't know if James will ever fully leave you alone. If you want to be truly free you might have to call them and get help."

Kurt nodded sadly. He just wanted to escape, run away and sleep.

"But I'll go with you; I'll be with you for as long as you need me."

Kurt's breath hitched at the simple loving statements, the declarations of support and help.

"Thank you, Blaine. I don't know what I'd do without you."

There were just a few minutes where Blaine stroked his thumb over the delicate skin on Kurt's hand, and the world seemed to stop for a moment. Kurt felt like he escaped his body.

"Will you sing for me?"

Blaine was a little surprised by the request, but he complied, walking Kurt to the bed to tuck him under the covers for a nap. Kurt watched as Blaine sat at the end of the bed, rubbed his feet to bring back some warmth and Kurt snuggled deeper and lower, so only his head was showing atop the duvet.

_Take my mind and take my pain_

_Like an empty bottle takes the rain_

_And heal, heal, heal me._

_Take my past and take my sins_

_Like an empty sail takes the wind_

_And heal, heal, heal me._

_And tell me some things last_

_And tell me some things last_

_Take my heart and take my hand_

_Like an ocean takes the dirty sands_

_And heal, heal, heal me._

_Take my mind and take my pain_

_Like an empty bottle takes the rain_

_And heal, heal, heal me._

_And tell me some things last_

_And tell me some things last_

Blaine hummed until Kurt's eyes fully closed and he was asleep, where there were no monsters, no horrible men to hurt and crush. Blaine watched him sleep until he looked a little more at peace and he crept out, hoping that he really would start to heal.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think. I just wanted to say that whatever Kurt chooses to do I hope is in character but also that it is always up to the person that is abused. I think it is such a personal choice that I didn't want anyone reading to think that I was biased towards any particular choice. You'll see Kurt make his mind up next chapter.

**Song quoted:**

'Heal' by Tom Odell


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N**: Hi everyone. Thanks for the reviews and follows (over 100 now!), they make my day. Thanks to H T Elia for the great edit.

**Warnings**: Discussion of abuse and violence. Fighting.

* * *

_Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around_

_Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around_

'_Not While I'm Around' written by Stephen Sondheim _

It was early morning before James returned and realized Kurt had gone. Someone had invited everyone for drinks and James was swept up after the performance. He thought briefly of Kurt, whether he might still be in pain, but he told himself he'd only go for one drink to network and then head home. Eight hours later, James stumbled home to find his door broken in.

"What the..."

He walked the rooms. Nothing much was touched, though he could see where Kurt had taken a few clothes in their bedroom. Kurt must have cleared out, but James knew he'd last seen him on the floor, barely in a state to knock down a locked door and leave on his own. He must have had help. James came to just one conclusion:

Blaine.

* * *

He practically ran there, over the street and banged on Blaine's door, shouting and kicking to encourage Blaine to let him in. His reason left him, with no afterthought that Blaine might not be in or at least with Kurt – just anger. Eventually, a woman in an apartment nearby, trying to sleep after a night shift, opened her door angrily.

"He's not in, fuck off!"

"Where is he? When will he be back?"

"I don't know, I'm not his keeper. He left as I went to work, with some guy and an overnight bag."

She banged the door closed, sick of the conversation as James worked it all out. Surely the guy was Kurt and he had helped him get out, but where had they gone? He called Rachel straight away.

As soon as Rachel saw the caller she spoke into the phone. "James, have you heard from Kurt? I've been trying to call him."

"No, I'm looking for him Rachel, we had a fight and he's gone." He didn't have to try that hard to sound worried and panicked. There was an uncharacteristic silence on the other end and then Rachel's voice was soft.

"He left? Is he ok? What was the fight about?" She sounded seriously worried.

"Oh nothing," he said nonchalantly, waving the questions away though she couldn't see him. "He's being silly. Have you seen him?"

"No, but Kurt wouldn't have anywhere to go, he'd come here surely?" Rachel was musing out loud but the question caused a fire in James' belly.

"I know where he is. He's with that Blaine. He's in love with that Blaine."

"Blaine?"

"Yeah some guy that lives in the apartment opposite. He's in love with Kurt, you can tell."

Rachel thought quickly, saying nothing but realizing more and more that whatever had happened had left Kurt in trouble. She quickly ended the call to James, saying she would let him know if she found out anything.

She recalled the conversation to a waiting Santana who instantly said she should call Burt.

"Hello?"

"Burt, it's Rachel."

"Rachel! I can't talk much right now, I'm off to New York. Kurt needs me."

"Kurt? But that's why I'm calling. James just called me. He's left him."

"I know. Have you tried to call Kurt?"

"Yeah, but he's not answering."

"He's staying at a friend of Blaine's. James took his phone."

"What?"

"Yeah something bad has gone down Rachel. You should contact Blaine, and speak to Kurt. I've gotta go now, I'm catching a flight, so I'll see you later."

"Do you have Blaine's number?"

He gave it quickly, thanked her for looking after Kurt and left to go to the airport.

* * *

Kurt slept peacefully for just half an hour that morning. Blaine took a shower but as he was changing his phone rang loudly, causing Kurt to wake in panic.

"It's ok, it's ok," Blaine said quickly grabbing his phone from the surface as it vibrated furiously.

"Hello?"

"Is this Blaine? This is Kurt's best friend, Rachel. Is he there?"

"Rachel?"

Blaine, of course, had heard Kurt mention her before and had wanted to meet the girl, her being such an important part of Kurt's life. As soon as Kurt heard that it was Rachel, he itched to take the phone. Blaine gave it quickly.

"Rachel?"

"Kurt! You're ok!"

"Just…" he said sadly. "I'm staying with Blaine's friends. I've left James."

"I know, he called me. Thought you might be with me. He said you'd had a fight."

"No, Rachel," he said, taking a deep breath, "He hit me. So bad that I think he broke a rib and I'm covered in bruises. My head is pretty shaken up, but I'm ok."

"Oh my god! Kurt have you called the police? I'm so glad you're out of there!"

"I can't call the police. I can't explain it over the phone, Rachel, I just can't."

"Okay. Okay. Can I come over? Can I see you?"

"I don't know," he hesitated. "Dad's coming soon and …"

"Please Kurt, I need to help."

"Okay," he said tiredly, "If I tell you the address, you have to promise not to tell anyone."

"Kurt, of course," she said, affronted. He told her the address and as he got off the phone, Blaine went to make more coffee. A little while later, Kurt padded out to the kitchen.

"Thanks," Kurt said quietly as he stood watching Blaine's strong, dependable back.

Blaine spun quickly. "For what?"

Kurt smiled. "For everything Blaine. You saved my life yesterday. I wouldn't have survived another attack from James, I wouldn't have been able to get out of there on my own."

"He did that deliberately. He wanted you to feel weak and dependent on him."

Kurt nodded and smelled the hot coffee as it was handed to him.

"I don't know why I was with him for so long..." Kurt's voice trailed away, as he thought it over for the millionth time. Blaine settled on a stool and wrapped his hands around a mug of coffee too, looking at Kurt as if he had all the answers. Blaine's warm honey-coloured eyes were wide and eager to listen, but Kurt felt nervous. If he was allowed to talk he wasn't sure if he would ever stop.

"I guess, I thought he was everything when we first met," Kurt said. He took a seat too and stared at nothing in particular, though Blaine watched him intently.

"He was a big upcoming star, going to Broadway already, destined for greatness. I was just in awe of him and all his achievements. Everything I ever wanted seemed to be embodied in just one person. He was too big for me, I just got overshadowed."

"But you're so amazing," Blaine said sincerely, causing Kurt to finally look him in the eye. "You're the most interesting person to come out of Ohio. It would never be James that people wanted to meet and see. It was you."

Kurt started to shake his head, seriously doubting Blaine's statements.

"I mean it Kurt," Blaine said. "It's you. You're beautiful and brilliant, you would know it from just talking to you. When I saw you sing 'Blackbird' it was breathtaking. It was everything."

"You saw me?"

Blaine realized his mistake and blushed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, but I was checking on your apartment to see if you were okay and you were by the window and it was open and…"

"Blaine it's ok," Kurt said reassuringly. He touched Blaine's hand ever so gently as if the merest touch might be too much. He'd been touched and hurt so often without consent that he couldn't do it to others. "I know you weren't being a creeper. I just never knew you worried so much."

"Of course!" Blaine said, getting louder, more adamant. "I watched every so often, especially after the first time, when you tried to stop being my friend. I just couldn't stand by and do nothing."

Kurt had worried so many people; he felt instantly guilty. His dad was on the first flight he could get on, Rachel would soon be over and he'd caused Blaine endless amounts of trouble and anxiety. All because he'd chosen the wrong person for a boyfriend.

"I've been so stupid."

"No you haven't Kurt," Blaine said kindly, coming closer. "You fell in love and you innocently believed it was everything. You gave your heart to someone that didn't deserve it, that makes _him_ stupid and so evil for taking it and crushing it so badly."

"I should have seen it coming."

"It is _his_ action that defines his character, not yours. You are perfect."

"Why do you think so highly of me?" Kurt asked quietly after a while and Blaine felt a little rise of a blush on his cheeks.

"Because I know what I see. I know what I hear."

Kurt felt a tingle in his fingers at the praise. He smiled and Blaine joined him until there was a banging on the door.

"Blaine? Kurt?" Rachel's high, shrill, panicked voice reached them through the door and Blaine hurried to let her in.

"Kurt!" She ran to him as soon as she saw and enveloped him in a hug causing Kurt to wince in pain. "Rachel, my ribs," he hissed.

"Sorry, sorry I forgot. Are you ok?"

He nodded in pain.

"Have you called the police? Seen a doctor?"

"No, I don't want to do that. The doctor will ask questions."

"Kurt... you need to be checked over. The doctor can't force you to press charges."

"Rachel don't start."

Rachel looked worried, but as she bit her lip she obviously decided to drop the subject.

"What happened? Why did he do it?" Kurt sighed, too tired of retelling the story, but he relayed the important information amidst Rachel's gasps and shakes of her head.

"I knew there was something wrong! I knew he was horrible."

Kurt opened his mouth to protest, but then shut it again as he remembered the conversation they had a few weeks ago. She looked over Kurt's face, his cut lip, his battered face and tears filled her big brown eyes.

"I wish I had been there for you Kurt," she said. "He should never have been able to do this."

"I'm sorry I shut you out," he said, feeling ten inches tall.

"It's ok, I get it," she said, with a calmness uncharacteristic of Rachel. "But promise me you won't do it again? You won't let someone make you believe that you are worth nothing more than this? Don't shut me out again."

"I promise." His eyes glistened, but he looked her directly in the eye.

"Good. Now what do you want me to do?"

"Could you call my director? Anthony? His number is on my phone and James has it."

"Kurt!" She shouted again, outraged. "You have to call the police and get your stuff."

"Rachel, I just want to start again, please..."

She said nothing, didn't want to promise that she would agree when she hated it all. She did a few searches and found the number of the rehearsal space.

"What should I say?"

"Tell him I'm quitting, but that I'll come to see him when I'm better."

She opened her mouth wide in horror. "You're doing what?"

"I have to quit Rachel, I can't do it anymore. I'll explain later."

She nodded grudgingly and made the call. Anthony was clearly shocked at the sudden turn of events, but Rachel assured him Kurt would call when he was better. Anthony asked a few questions, but she deferred them and finally hung up.

"Your understudy will take over the role."

Kurt nodded.

"I thought as much. He deserves it."

Kurt was surprised to find he felt no bitterness or pain at the loss of his job. He looked up to find both Blaine and Rachel staring at him curiously.

"What?" he asked.

"Are you ok?"

"How do you feel?"

"I don't know really." Kurt took his seat again, started to drink his lukewarm coffee as Blaine made a tea for Rachel. "I feel strangely ok about it all. Relieved actually. Like a weight has been lifted."

"You didn't like the role?" Rachel seemed even more confused.

"No it wasn't that," Kurt said quickly. "I loved the role and in many ways I guess it was the making of my confidence and I loved working with Patty, but I'm glad it's over. I can really start again."

Blaine smiled, a little smile that showed how glad he was to hear that Kurt was mending, even if slightly.

"What do you plan to do now?"

Kurt sighed and closed his eyes. "I have no idea. I just want to sleep."

Blaine's phone beeped with a message. "Your dad's on a flight now and should be here in a couple of hours. He's asking if I can meet him at the airport."

"Do you mind if I don't go?" Kurt asked quietly. "I can't face going outside just yet."

"Oh, of course I don't mind."

"Thanks."

"I'll look after Kurt," Rachel said, happy to be of use. "We'll watch old reruns of 'Murder She Wrote.'" Kurt smiled at his friend, who would do anything in an effort to cheer him.

* * *

Burt was practically running as he exited the terminal, his eyes scanning to and fro in search of a guy he didn't know. Blaine held up his self-made sign declaring he was searching for a Burt Hummel. Burt sighed in relief when he spotted him.

"Oh, thank god you thought of that," he said breathlessly as he shook Blaine's hand. "I suddenly realized I had no idea what you looked like."

They got out of the airport quickly and into Blaine's car before Burt started his questions.

"So how is he? What should I expect when I see him?"

"I think he's on the mend physically though he really should go to the hospital to get his ribs checked out." Blaine kept his eyes on the road as Burt looked at him intently.

"And James? Is Kurt going to call the police?"

Blaine paused, already feeling like he had failed in the one thing that Burt had asked him to do. "I don't think he will." Burt let out a huff of annoyance. "He talks of starting over and I think he just wants to forget that James ever existed. He quit the show he was rehearsing."

"What the hell?"

"It's important that he starts again…"

Burt stared outside the window, his mind whirring with anger. The idea that James had hurt his son was heartbreaking; the fact that he had been so far away when it happened made him feel powerless. He looked over Blaine's profile as he drove, sizing him up, taking him in.

"You've been a good friend to Kurt."

Blaine turned quickly to look at Burt before his eyes returned to the road.

"How did you meet?" Burt asked.

"James and Kurt lived in the opposite apartment from me. I saw him before he had blinds."

Burt raised an eyebrow and Blaine realized what he had said and choked on air.

"I mean… well he was there, singing or dancing and…" Blaine shut his mouth abruptly. He better quit while he was most certainly not ahead.

"You're gay?"

Blaine coughed again. "Er, yes."

"And James got jealous of your friendship?"

Blaine nodded sadly. "Honestly sir we weren't inappropriate. I made sure I wasn't. I wouldn't do that."

"So James made it up in his head? And stop calling me sir."

"Sorry… I guess he saw Kurt was spending time with other people and when he found out I was gay, I guess he got a little jealous."

"And he hit him?"

"A slap around the face a few days ago and then James told him he couldn't be my friend anymore. I think Kurt wanted to keep the peace, but we met for coffee and James found out. Kurt felt the true brunt of his anger." Blaine's jaw tensed and Burt noticed his knuckles showing white on the steering wheel.

"What else did he leave behind?"

"Everything. He's taken a few clothes and his most treasured possessions, but everything else is still there."

"Well, we can go there and get his stuff. Without Kurt."

Blaine looked a little too long at Burt, swerving a little on the wheel when he regained his focus.

"Are you ok with that?"

Blaine nodded grimly. He would do anything to get Kurt's peace back and close this horrible business.

* * *

Kurt had never looked as happy as when Burt came through the door, followed by Blaine. He ran as fast as the bruises on his hip would allow and hugged him fiercely before his ribs protested.

"Shit Kurt…" Burt's eyes filled at the sight of his son brought so low.

"Don't dad, I know…"

"We're going to the hospital now."

"I'm fine…" Kurt protested weakly as Burt dragged him to the door.

"You're getting checked out."

Kurt weakly followed, accepting the inevitable. The doctor checked him out at the hospital, eyeing him curiously when Kurt refused to explain how he had gotten his injuries. Burt and Blaine said nothing, only their tight-lipped expressions showed how they were struggling to keep it in. Rachel had remained at the apartment and was still there when they returned. However, before the three men came back, Tessa and Ruby—unaware of Rachel's existence—were surprised to find a stranger in their home.

"Sorry," Blaine said, sinking in on himself. "I should have texted."

"No, that's fine. We did suspect Rachel was a secret friend of James' until she revealed top Broadway secrets and we love her now."

Blaine laughed. "Glad to hear she's fitting in."

"Where have you been?" Tessa asked.

"The hospital," Blaine said. "Kurt has a broken rib but there's not much they can do and we couldn't tell them how he had got his injuries."

Ruby nodded in complete understanding, but Tessa looked on the verge of saying something until she spotted Blaine's warning glance. She bit her lip instead.

"Blaine, are you ready?" Burt said quietly, after a while. He was clearly getting impatient and Blaine simply nodded, causing Kurt to look up in surprise. "Where are you going?"

"To your old apartment, to get your stuff," Burt said matter-of-factly, preparing to leave, and Blaine followed. Kurt, startled, got up too quickly for his aching body and hissed.

"You can't do that!"

"Yes we can Kurt," Burt said, putting on his jacket. "You need to get out of that apartment and he needs to know to back off."

"But what if he hurts you? What if he doesn't let you in?"

"He's probably out, but if he's in and he causes problems then we'll call the police," Blaine said. "We won't do anything stupid, Kurt, I promise."

Kurt looked seriously worried, his eyes darting from Burt and Blaine, who both looked fiercely protective and determined. They went quickly, barely hearing the call to be careful, striding with a confidence that a little justice might be achieved.

The apartment door was loosely placed without hinges as they approached and they couldn't tell if James was home or not. They knocked loudly.

James was surprised out of his stupor as he sat on the sofa, waiting and thinking. He had searched the obvious places for Kurt that morning but had given up, knowing that Kurt would have to return for his stuff eventually. He was just deciding how to cope without a lock on his door when Blaine and Burt knocked.

"Who is it?" James called out.

"Your worst nightmare," Burt shouted without thinking and James recognized the voice, clenched his fist waiting for the fight and removed the door easily. He took several steps backwards as Burt nearly ran in, heading straight for James and pressed him against the nearest wall.

"You like hitting? You think you're such a big man? Come and show me how big you are! Show me!"

Blaine was ready and waiting. He stood behind Burt, his jaw clenched, his fists balled up. James didn't resist the hold but accepted the press of Burt's hands on his body, forcing him against the wall. He sneered.

"Daddy Hummel comes to the rescue then."

Burt finally released his anger, his fist coming out to hit James in the face, causing James to clutch at his jaw in agony. Burt let him go.

"You think you can hit Kurt like that?"

"He got what he deserved. He's a cock slut."

Burt hit him again, causing James to stumble lower, but he didn't give up.

"Did he tell you what he's been doing? Sleeping around, parading with this gay shit?" He sneered again, his anger directed at Blaine.

"We didn't do anything, you made it up in your head."

"Don't try to reason with the guy," Burt said, never taking his eyes off James. "We've simply come to get all of Kurt's stuff and warn you."

"Warn me about what?"

"To stay away from Kurt or he'll press charges."

"He's not planning to call the police?" James looked very surprised.

"No, he's kinder than me. Much kinder," Burt said. "He takes after his mom in that respect, but if you give us one more reason; if we see you again; if Kurt as much as smells you near him then we'll return and we won't be half as forgiving as Kurt."

James seemed to realize when he was beaten and the hand that had been rubbing his jaw now hang limply at his side.

"Now you will let us get his stuff and you will never see Kurt again."

James nodded, pissed that he couldn't say or do anything to change the situation.

"Where's Kurt's phone?" Blaine asked. James got it out of his pocket and handed it over. Burt seethed again.

"You took away his freedom? You need to get your head checked."  
"He was fooling around behind my back!" James exclaimed angrily.

"No he wasn't," Blaine said, "We've only ever been friends."

"You say that, but I _know_," James sneered. "I saw the messages, I saw the writing on the cards. You fell for him. I know how it happens."

Blaine couldn't deny it and Burt looked at him carefully, but turned fiercely to James again.

"It doesn't excuse what you did," Burt said.

Burt didn't want to entertain his stupid reasoning anymore. He packed up Kurt's belongings methodically and Blaine started helping. As they worked James called to get a locksmith to change the locks and repair the door. An hour later the packing was complete.

"You'll leave him alone?" Burt asked, just wanting it to end for Kurt.

James nodded. "Is that what Kurt wants?" He looked a little lost. Despite it all, Burt realized, James hadn't been expecting the relationship to end.

"Of course it is!" Blaine shouted.

"So you can sweep in? His knight in shining armor?" James sneered again, hating the jealous rage that swept in and seemed to take over.

Blaine opened his mouth to say something more, but the need to make him understand just dissipates.

"Will you leave him alone?" Burt shouted again, coming closer, his anger never leaving him.

"Yeah, okay," James said, exasperated, stepping back. "I'll probably go to LA. New York is tired."

"I don't give a fuck where you go as long as you stay away from my son. Let him start again and get away from you."

James nodded grimly, the only sign of remorse he showed. Burt and Blaine left with all the boxes and bags, James stood by the window to watch their efforts. He hadn't meant for it all to escalate, but he could see LA in his sights now and he knew that was where he belonged, with all the perfect people and the sunshine. A rain cloud loomed in the distance and he realized he had nothing holding him back now and he would soon be gone.

* * *

Kurt couldn't rest in the apartment as he waited. Blaine and Burt could get hurt and he knew what his dad was like – he wouldn't hesitate to hit James for what he had done. He knew it wouldn't help, feared that James would hit back, or worse, Burt would have another heart attack.

Rachel tried her best, made tea, tried to distract him with talk of her own show and what Kurt could audition for now that he was out of work, but he wasn't listening. Tessa made dinner and joined in the conversation every so often, but it was only when Blaine texted Rachel that Kurt calmed down a little.

"He says that they've got all of your stuff and they're out of there. James apparently plans to go to LA and has promised to leave you alone."

"They're okay?"

"Yes, they're okay."

Kurt sighed, the tension and the worry catching up with him, and Ruby noticed.

"Kurt, would you mind me helping me sort out my wardrobe?" she asked suddenly and Rachel and Kurt looked up in surprise at the change in subject. "Blaine says you have an eye for fashion and what works. He said your closet is immaculate."

"It is," Kurt said, secretly pleased at the praise.

He got up gingerly as she took fresh drinks into her room and opened her closet.

"Well I think I can work with this," he said, nodding knowingly, already going through her clothes and taking out a few in preparation for the order he planned to put them in. Ruby sat on the bed in silence, letting him work.

The rearranging was a nice distraction for Kurt and he loved the simple task. It was good to feel a sense of accomplishment and the restoration of order amidst chaos; it was rewarding. After a while he barely noticed Ruby was there.

"I completely understand why you don't want to press charges," she said and Kurt was surprised out of his task and turned to face her questioningly. She carried on. "I did the same, I ran away and never looked back."

He had a dress in his hands, but he quietly sat on the bed, letting the folds of its fabric rest on his lap.

"You were attacked?"

She nodded. "My boyfriend, back in England. I left the country to get away from him." She said it simply and without emotion and Kurt wondered what she had to do to get to that point in her life.

"What did he do?"

"He hit me, threw things, burned a photo album in front of me – my most prized possession, all my photos of my dad who died when I was little. He took my phone, would lock me in the apartment, controlled who I saw, what I did."

"How did you get out?" he whispered in horror.

"One day he strangled me, tried to choke me. I remember thinking he was going to kill me, that I was going to die that way." She closed her eyes at the memory and Kurt took her hand in his as she continued the story. "But he stopped and as soon as he left, his fingers having left their bruises around my neck, I escaped and never looked back. I went to a refuge for beaten women. There was help, but as soon as I could I left the country. I never want to go back."

"I can't believe you went through that," he whispered.

"I wouldn't wish it on anyone," she said calmly.

"You've never looked back?"

"Never," she said vehemently. "You think to yourself, when it's all over, that you can't possibly get back on track. You think that he might have broken you beyond repair, but eventually, a step at a time you push yourself to achieve, you go for things that you know you can do. I needed that distance to start again. I couldn't have done it if I stayed."

"Do you wish you could go back?"

She shook her head. "No, not at all. My mom still lives there, but we were never close. I remind her too much of my dad."

"Do you regret not calling the police? I get scared that I'll regret it one day."

"It wasn't right for me," she said. "Don't let anyone tell you what to do Kurt. No one but you knows what it was like to live in that relationship. They don't get to decide. I don't regret it. I didn't want to have to stand up in court and see him again. I wasn't strong enough for that. He made me weak. I do regret that."

Kurt felt the fabric of the dress still in his lap, let the soft silky weave numb the edges of his heartbreak at what she was telling him.

"Do you know what happened to him?"

"No, I suspect he will go on to do similar things to other people," she said sadly. He looked up, his eyes suddenly a cool blue, swirls of ocean that made her think of waves.

"I don't want that to happen to me," he said. "I couldn't bear it if I heard he'd done it again to someone else."

She nodded in understanding. He stood, still carefully so to avoid hurting his ribs. He realized when he reached her door that he was still holding her dress. He handed it back.

"I don't judge you for what you did," he said kindly and he took her hands in his. "I think it was really brave to get out when you could and you fought back in your way and didn't let him win, but I can't do that."

"You're stronger than me," she said, smiling in admiration at Kurt who stood over her. The light from above shining in his hair. "I'll support you all the way. I couldn't fight him the way I should have. Let me help you."

He nodded and smiled sadly. The fact that there was a need to fight in the first place made his stomach heavy. They were broken out of their mutual reverie by a noise at the door. Blaine and Burt had returned, bringing Kurt's belongings and getting help from Tessa and Rachel.

"You're back," Kurt said, rushing towards them both, eager to touch, glad they were home and safe.

"Yeah," Blaine said smiling at the easy affection. "He really is a deluded bastard."

"I'm so glad you're out of there, Kurt," Burt said. "He's promised to leave you alone and we told him that you weren't planning on pressing charges or calling the police."

Kurt looked to Ruby, who met his gaze and nodded. That was the only reassurance Kurt needed.

"Actually dad…"


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Thank you for all the kind reviews giving words of encouragement. I really have tried not to portray Kurt as a weakling but it is a terrible thing to go through, as many of you know, and it would cause some mental anguish. Kurt wouldn't be Kurt though if he wasn't strong and later chapters definitely deal with that. Thank you for understanding and supporting the story.

**To the anon hater** – please don't read the story anymore or at least review properly so I can reply to your comments.

Thanks again to my beta **H T Elia** who tells me that 'tinkling' isn't a sound on a piano but pissing ;) Thanks sweetie!

* * *

_Even when you're crying you're beautiful too__  
__The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood_

'_All of Me' by John Legend_

"Actually dad…"

Burt looked at him carefully, waiting patiently.

"I've been thinking… I can't bear the thought that he could do it again, to someone else, someone that doesn't have the support that I have. I couldn't live with myself if I let him get away with it."

Burt thought it over, went over the words he had used to reassure James. Blaine's eyes searched Kurt's face, drinking him in, never looking more proud.

"Are you sure that's what you want kiddo? I mean a court case is one thing but the police will ask you questions, your relationship will be under scrutiny."

Kurt looked to Ruby again and this time Blaine noticed. He guessed that she had told him something of her own history.

"I know, but I need to do this."

"Then we're right behind you," Burt said, patting him on the shoulder. "We'll call the police now."

* * *

The police came straight away with a doctor who would perform the medical at the apartment to confirm his injuries. It was invasive, Kurt having to strip to his underwear and slip it down to reveal the deep purple bruise on his hip. Burt stayed in the room throughout, at the insistence of Kurt. A police report was written up, but it was explained that he would have to come down to the station to write a full statement. They had enough to arrest James after briefly questioning Blaine.

The lock and door were fixed and James was able to leave for the performance that night. As the show finished—his final curtain call taken and his face lit up after a perfect performance—James was told that the police were waiting for him in his dressing room. His face was ashen as he was led to the station, knowing full well who was pressing charges and revoking on their promise.

There was enough evidence to suggest that James had committed the crime and despite getting the best lawyer it seemed it was easiest to admit the indiscretion and face the penalty. With this being his first crime, he was assured that it would probably result in a fine rather than a sentence. His director posted bail and he was allowed out in the early hours.

He was tempted to seek Kurt out, ask him to drop the charges, ask him why he bailed on his promise but he knew he would get himself in more trouble and he still didn't know where Kurt was staying. He seethed at the fact that this was happening and the annoyance of his director only made it worse. He had brought bad repute on the production.

As days went on and Kurt continued to heal with his friends at Tessa's apartment, James was told of people selling their tickets, or just not turning up to see his performance. As the papers splashed photos of James trying to hide behind dark glasses, the sordid details of his abusive relationship with Kurt came out, though Kurt remained in hiding. The director finally had enough.

"I'm sorry, we're going to have to terminate your contract."

James had suspected this would happen, but it irked him nonetheless. His fists clenched, but he nodded with gritted teeth.

"We're losing advertising and they're demanding you leave. I know it's not yet gone to court, but people know you're guilty or at least suspect you of bad behaviour. They don't want to see you in the show."

James closed his eyes, feeling tears appear at the unfairness of it all, the injustice of his personal life affecting his career. No remorse, no understanding. He opened his mouth to retort, to argue his case, but the director held up his hand.

"No, there's no discussion. I have to let you go," he said, and then his eyes softened. "Look, I get that it's a knock, but this is your chance to get away from Broadway. You must admit the stage here has always limited your career. Maybe you could return to modelling, go to LA like you wanted?"

"Won't it follow me there?"

"I doubt it. The news was here, separate state, different crowd. If someone wanted to find the dirt they could but I doubt that it will stop you succeeding."

James perked up a little.

"Your understudy, Jake will take over the role until we close, I think."

James was ushered out, no shake of the hand or well wishes exchanged, but James felt nothing, only desperation to leave.

* * *

It was a few weeks later and Burt had long ago returned to Lima when Kurt heard the news through his own lawyer: James would accept the charge and pay the fine. He was already making his way to LA and he had said nothing.

Kurt came back to a quiet apartment when he found out. Tessa had gone to garner more permanent situations with local bars and Ruby was at work. Only Blaine remained, humming to himself and strumming his guitar. He missed plunking on his piano, but he only returned to his apartment occasionally for clothes and he obviously couldn't bring the instrument with him.

"You're back."

Kurt nodded slowly, taking a seat on the sofa.

"Are you ok?"

Kurt was tired, his eyes bloodshot like he had been crying. It felt like the energy he had retained for his fight against James was finally leaving him and he had nothing in reserve.

"James has accepted his fault and taken the fine. He's already moving to LA and is getting his lawyer to sort out the rest."

"That sounds too easy."

"I know, but I guess he was too successful for it to happen any other way."

"And you're not happy?"

"I don't know," Kurt said sighing loudly. "I thought I would be. I mean it's on his record and the damage has been done to his career, at least in New York, but I can't shake the feeling that it isn't enough. I'm still here."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I have no job or place to stay that's mine. I'm what I was before. The bruises may have healed and I can finally leave the apartment regularly, but I feel trapped here. I don't want him to have won."

"What do you want?"

Kurt thought it through. He needed to leave this apartment, he knew that for sure. He had enjoyed living with Tessa, Ruby and Blaine, but it was too crowded with so many people in such a small space and he needed to work again.

"I think I need to leave."

Blaine panicked inside, but nodded to Kurt. He'd loved living in the small space with Tessa, Ruby and Kurt, making him realise that he'd missed sharing an apartment with friends. He didn't want to admit to himself how much he had loved sharing a bed with Kurt, who had inched closer as the nights grew colder. They were easily affectionate against a world full of James, and Blaine didn't want that to end. Kurt sensed his apprehension despite knowing that he always had Blaine's full support.

"You don't think I should leave?"

"No, it's not that," Blaine said quickly, "I mean not that I want you to leave either." Blaine sighed, trying to get his mouth to work properly again. "What I mean is that I want you to do what you feel most comfortable doing. You're free Kurt, I get that you want to live your life again. I'll just miss you being here. I'll miss sharing a place with you."

Kurt saw the guitar in Blaine's hand and sat down next to him.

"You miss your piano don't you?"

Blaine was startled by Kurt's accurate perception, then nodded.

"Blaine, you should be back at your own apartment. I've taken up too much of your time as it is. There's no need for you to stay here to look after me. You are paying rent on an apartment you don't live in. You can go back."

"It'll be strange to go back when I know you used to live on the opposite side. I know James has left but…"

"I'll get a new place or maybe move in with Rachel and Santana…"

Blaine watched Kurt muse out loud, his eyes elsewhere and before his brain had registered his thoughts, he blurted out the first thing to come to mind.

"Move in with me."

Kurt was startled. "What?"

"I know it seems silly and abrupt and not thought through, but it makes sense if you think of it. Ruby and Tessa can have their space back and I can return to my place with someone to help with the bills. It's big enough and I can turn the living area into my bedroom with a sofa bed, so you can have the bedroom. You don't have to take a step back and move in with Rachel. You can move forward, too."

Kurt's eyes darted as he thought it over. The idea didn't seem ridiculous and he had gotten used to sleeping with Blaine too. As images played in his mind of domestic scenes and the thought of leaving this small space, Kurt's face lit up with a slow smile.

"You think it could work?"

"Yeah," Blaine said eagerly, coming closer. "We already know that we can live together in a much smaller space, without driving each other crazy. I think it will be perfect."

"Ok, we'll give it a try," Kurt said, then the sensible voice of his father kicked in. "But if it doesn't work out, we should talk about it, Okay? I don't want it to come between us."

"Of course," Blaine said, already getting a few of his belongings together.

Tessa came in amidst the shuffle.

"What are you guys doing?"

"Blaine's moving back to his apartment and I'm going too," Kurt said, happily.

"And that's sensible because…?" Tessa looked sceptical.

"What do you mean?" Blaine's bubble was the first to burst.

"You can't see it?" Tessa saw the imperceptible shake of Blaine's head, the indication to say no more. Kurt looked confused. "I mean," she continued with a loud swallow. "If you think it's okay and not strange then go ahead." Kurt seemed to get some of her meaning.

"Tess we'll be fine. It's not like before when I moved in with James. We're equals here, friends, and I feel safe with Blaine."

She looked to Blaine, who blushed slightly. Kurt was so trusting. She smiled at Kurt.

"Good, then I'll help you pack," she said, her mood instantly changing. "Ruby has literally been a pain in my ass ever since we've been sharing a bed."

* * *

It took the day but they were moved back into Blaine's apartment after they borrowed a van from a friend of a friend. They went out that night to celebrate, Blaine and Tessa playing separate sets at a local bar with rapturous applause. It was only as they returned to the apartment that Kurt struggled against the darkness.

A single glance to the now occupied opposite apartment—where the blinds were up—brought strange memories of darkness and longing for the pain to end. The couple that lived opposite seemed happy enough and completely oblivious to Kurt's eyes seeking and imagining across the way. They laughed at something that had been said and Kurt was transfixed. There had been no laughter when he lived there. The couple got under their covers, switched the lights off and Kurt found himself choking back tears.

"Kurt?" Blaine came in tentatively, not daring to touch in case it was unwanted. Kurt instantly hugged him close.

"What's wrong?" he looked over Kurt's shoulder as the boy in his arms shook with tears and saw the opposite apartment shrouded in darkness. He rubbed Kurt's back repeatedly; the only thing he could do was be there, a solid presence. Kurt's tears slowed eventually and he calmly extricated himself from Blaine's arms though he struggled to be completely away from him. Blaine walked him to his bed.

"What's wrong?"

"The opposite apartment." Blaine looked again. "They're happy."

"Oh."

Kurt was letting silent tears trickle down his face, his eyes were like the colour of the sea. Kurt closed his eyes against the pain and Blaine nearly gasped at the beautiful perfection of his pained face. Blaine hated to see him so sad, the bruises long since faded, but he realised inner scars would take so much longer to heal. Before he noticed what he was doing, Blaine was silently brushing those tears away, gently making sure that nothing sullied that perfect beauty. He was nearly done when Kurt opened his eyes slowly.

"You always take care of me," he whispered gratefully, in awe of Blaine's kindness.

"I can't bear to see you sad."

"I'm never sad for long when you're here."

Blaine pressed his lips together. The urge to kiss Kurt was almost overwhelming. He was so close, his eyes swimming and huge, his lips upturned into a comforted smile. Something sparked between them, Kurt's own eyes flickered to Blaine's rosy lips and he felt it, too. Kurt sighed, almost silently begging to be kissed and Blaine could feel Kurt's breath on his lips.

"Blaine…" Those words from that mouth instantly stirred in Blaine's chest, but he refrained; he knew it was too soon. Kurt blinked and the moment was gone.

"I think we need to fill this apartment with music," Kurt said, the inches returning between them, though Kurt's hand rested in Blaine's as if it belonged there. "Do you think your neighbours would mind if we played a song?"

"Just one should be okay." Blaine walked Kurt to the piano, holding his hand and sitting next to him on the stool. Blaine's fingers fell lightly on the keys as Kurt watched, comforted by their musicality. He spoke over the notes, the tune almost drowning out his words.

"I just need a little time," Kurt whispered.

Blaine looked at him and said nothing. His gaze softened as he understood and he nodded, his fingers continuing to grace the piano gently. Kurt smiled and rested his head on Blaine's shoulder as the notes morphed into a song he recognised from one of his favourite TV shows.

_They say nothing lasts forever_

_Well, I wish that that were true_

_Cause this aching in my heart won't go away_

Kurt's eyes were closed, and Blaine took one glance knowing that he was reliving horrific memories.

_They say everything must change_

_They say that time will see it through_

_Well, I've listened and I've waited for that day_

Kurt opened his eyes, stared straight ahead, singing his heart out. Blaine watched, his fingers working of their own accord.

_But I wake up with this anger_

_And the pain won't let me be_

_And the smile I share_

_Is only there for show_

_If I hang on to this heartache_

_Then my soul will not be free_

_So I keep trying_

_But I just cannot let go_

_I can't let go_

_I need it to remind me_

_I can't let go_

_Oh, I just repeat the past_

Kurt linked his arm through Blaine's as the playing continued.

_And though your arms are saying yes_

_I feel my heart keeps saying no_

_I want to love you_

_But I can't let go_

_I had to live through bad beginnings_

_And I've seen unhappy ends_

_So I close the book_

_Before the story starts_

_I'm just a witness to my lifetime_

_And I'm a stranger to my friends_

_I'm a trafficker of broken, damaged hearts_

_Now you ask me to start over_

_But it's easier said than done_

_Cos the memories are strong when they arise_

_And when heartache comes a'calling_

_I won't even try to run_

_Cause it's songs that makes me know that I'm alive_

Blaine watched as silent tears were working their way down Kurt's face as he sang, the pain working its way through his eyes.

_I can't let go_

_I need it to remind me_

_I can't let go_

_Oh, I just repeat the past_

_And though your arms are saying yes_

_I feel my heart keeps saying no_

_I want to love you_

_But I can't let go_

Blaine played the tune until the end, Kurt repeating phrases until his tears stopped. Blaine kept his eyes on the keys even as he finished.

"Blaine?"

"Yes?" Blaine whispered, his eyes still down.

"Will you look at me?" Blaine did, his honey-brown eyes wide and searching. Kurt smiled.

"I just need a little time," Kurt whispered like before and Blaine sighed in relief. He could wait; he would wait forever if there were just a chance.

"I'll be here," Blaine whispered, feeling lighter as Kurt smiled. "I'll always be here."

* * *

Blaine really wanted to be the gentleman. He had every intention, when Kurt moved in, to sleep on his brand new sofa bed in the living room, away from the bedroom to give Kurt his time and privacy. After kissing Kurt sweetly on the cheek, offering to make warm milk, Blaine had returned to the living room, got out his bed and lay there, staring at the damp patches on his ceiling. Light from the street lamps caused patterns of shadows on his walls and he let out a frustrated sigh as sleep eluded him. It had been quite a while since he had slept on his own and he realized he had very quickly relied on Kurt for affection and comfort as freely as he provided it for Kurt. He was amazed actually that it hadn't become awkward, two gay men sleeping in the same bed, an obvious attraction emanating, at least from Blaine. He had loved the easy affection, the giving of comfort when needed and had relished being the best friend.

He was just considering getting warm milk and reading a book when he heard Kurt stir. At first he thought he might just have been restless in his sleep and he would soon settle, but it got louder and Kurt no longer sounded peaceful. He made louder noises, more startled and sounding like he was in pain and Blaine went instantly to his bedroom.

"Kurt? Are you ok?"

There was no answer, but Blaine could see his distress. He thrashed once on the bed and Blaine came closer to see his face screwed up in pain.

"Kurt. Kurt. You're ok. You're ok." Blaine gently touched both arms to hold him still, but Kurt startled at the touch and almost went to hit Blaine until he opened his eyes in panic.

"It's me, Blaine. You're okay, just a dream." Blaine's voice was soothing, calming and he gently stroked Kurt's face until his breathing returned to normal.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said after a while, his voice wobbly. His hands shook, but he sat up, taking deep breaths to steady himself. Blaine sat next to him on the bed, continued to stroke his face as he held his hand and Kurt felt himself returning to normal.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Sorry for waking you."

"Don't be silly; I was worried."

"It was a nightmare," Kurt closed his eyes. "I thought they stopped."

Blaine remembered the first few nights after the attack, the need for him to hold Kurt tight until the tears stopped or the shaking ceased. They were never referred to in the morning, but Kurt was eternally grateful that he had Blaine's arms to securely hold onto.

"Will you hold me?" Kurt whispered, a little embarrassed at his need. Blaine smiled, trying to contain the joy he felt at such a request and he simply opened his arms as Kurt came closer. He stroked Kurt's hair gently until he could hear Kurt's breathing slow down and he kissed the top of his head, just grazing his lips there so as not to disturb him. As Blaine thought Kurt was asleep, he slowly extricated his arms from around Kurt's torso, trying not to wake him up, but he was stopped by a voice.

"Don't go," Kurt mumbled, his eyes remaining closed. "Stay with me tonight."

Blaine couldn't deny that request and he placed the covers over the both of them. He briefly wondered if this was going to happen a lot and if it might be dangerous, but his subconscious didn't let him ponder it for too long before he was deeply asleep, right where he belonged.

* * *

In the morning it was Blaine's playing on the piano that woke Kurt, who had slept soundly without waking the whole night. It was late, nearly noon, and Blaine had been up for a few hours, made coffee and cleaned the apartment, but now he was restless and although he suspected it might disturb Kurt's slumber, he couldn't resist. The piano, long neglected, had called to him and he wondered if he still had the ghost of the song he had started to compose so many weeks ago. The memories of looking into that apartment across the way, seeing pain and discord, but feeling silence and peace in his own place, seemed to haze and form in front of his eyes. He placed his fingers gingerly on the keys and played just a few notes.

Kurt awoke nearly as soon as he'd heard the notes, but he lay there for a while, rubbed his eyes, and listened carefully. It was only as Blaine's clear voice rang out that Kurt started to pad closer to the sweet sound.

_If you're lonely anytime, you can talk to me_

_When you have trouble on your mind_

_I will always be here to shield you from it all_

_The best way that I can, anything you want from me__._

It was a beautiful sight. Blaine was playing, still in his pyjamas, his eyes focused on his fingers as they graced the keys and Kurt watched as he led into an obvious chorus.

_Call me day, call me night_

_Call me anytime you need someone to hold you_

_The tears in your eyes will be gone, they will dry_

_And if you still find that you can't face the world outside_

_Let me be your place to hide_

_I could always lie to you, if that's what you need_

_Tell you life is never cruel and people never leave_

_But love is not always kind and hearts break all the time_

_And even if I'm far from you_

_Call me day, call me night_

_Call me anytime you need someone to hold you_

_The tears in your eyes will be gone, they will dry_

_And if you still find that you can't face the world outside_

_Let me be your place to hide_

"That's beautiful."

Blaine stopped playing and looked up, his mouth slightly open at the sight that greeted him. Kurt was standing there, his hair an adorable mess in places, his eyes bright and so blue that Blaine wanted to comment, but couldn't find the words. Those eyes begged to be described and written about, but it was impossible.

"Did you write it?"

Blaine nodded, barely perceptible and Kurt came a little closer.

"It's amazing, Blaine."

"Thanks," Blaine found his voice, but it was quiet. "I wrote it a while ago but I've managed to remember most of it."

Kurt started to piece together parts of the story and he sat down next to Blaine on the piano stool to give him something to do. His hands were placed awkwardly on his lap.

"I wrote it about you." Blaine stared at his fingers on the keys, couldn't bear to look in those eyes of blue, not when they were looking so intensely in his direction. Blaine blushed.

"Can I hear the rest?" Kurt said quietly.

"I didn't get the chance to finish it, not sure if I remember the bridge at the end—" Blaine stumbled on his words; he needed to excuse himself, but Kurt interrupted.

"Please…"

Blaine started off shakily, but he finished and Kurt felt his eyes fill again as he listened to the words.

_Little corner of the world is what I give to you_

_Somewhere you can find some peace and understanding_

_Life can be so sweet_

_Call me day, call me night_

_Call me anytime you need someone to hold you_

_The tears in your eyes will be gone, they will dry_

_And if you still find that you can't face the world outside_

_Let me be your place to hide_

"Thank you," Kurt whispered, his hand coming up to cover Blaine's as it rested on the keys. "It's a beautiful song."

Blaine finally looked up as he took in Kurt's hand on his own. Kurt's eyes were shining and there was so much he left unsaid, but Blaine knew it all, he knew how much Kurt wanted to say, what he was really thanking him for.

"You're welcome."

* * *

**Song quoted**:

'I Can't Let Go' by Jennifer Hudson from SMASH

'Place to Hide' by LucieSilvas (I pass this off as Blaine's own composition)


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** Hello my lovely readers :) In this chapter a musical called 'Next to Normal' is mentioned. I've got my knowledge from wiki and youtube so excuse the mistakes. The musical is about a woman called Diana who lost her son, Gabe, when he was little. She imagines he is there, sees him and sings to him. Hopefully the rest is evident in my descriptions.

Thanks again to my lovely beta **H T Elia**.

* * *

_Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing__  
__Bow down to the mighty__  
__Don't run, stop holding your tongue__  
__Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live__  
__Maybe one of these days you can let the light in__  
__Show me how big your brave is_

'_Brave' by Sara Bereilles_

"Kurt! Kurt!"

There was no disguising who it was; the shrill high-pitched voice bursting through the apartment could only belong to one person. Kurt was surprised she wasn't saving her voice.

"I have top secret intel," she squealed as soon as she saw him, grabbing his hands in earnest. "They're doing auditions for 'Next to Normal', you'd be a perfect Gabe."

His mind had never worked so hard, but as soon as he considered the prospect, doubt crept in and darkened the corners of his mind. He started to shake his head.

"I don't know if I can do it; I'm not ready."

"Don't be ridiculous," Rachel said, grabbing his arms, searching his face with her big brown eyes. "Take me or Blaine with you. Remember that someone tried to knock you down. Rise again like a phoenix."

"Rachel…" He rolled his eyes.

"No, Kurt, show me how big your brave is, show me," she dared him and he sighed at her and her ridiculous song quoting.

"Ok, I'll try."

"Good, that's all I ask," she said, a self-satisfied smile on her face. "Now who are you going to invite along?"

* * *

He was allowed to audition before the open auditions due to his background and credentials, but it didn't stop the nerves. The table stood in front of him: the casting director and a producer amongst the people to impress. _Just a first audition,_ he reminded himself. He had done this countless times, but the nerves swirled in his stomach causing it to churn. He had sought for advice from Rachel, who suggested he showcase his talent as Gabe by singing a song from the set list. He went with his gut-instinct, a different song, one that might not be easily recognised, but could show his range and ability. Blaine sat at the back, inconspicuous to anyone apart from Kurt, who smiled at his presence.

"When you're ready Kurt," the casting director Eileen said.

_If I came to you empty handed _

_A barren ocean _

_With nothing at all _

_And if I came to you empty hearted _

_Searching for pieces _

_After the fall _

He started off tentatively, but it only showed his acting ability, the range of emotion he could bring to a song. Eileen was clearly impressed and she smiled.

_All I've ever known is how to hide a secret _

_But I'm tired of going on without believing _

_And love is not illusion, love illuminates the blind._

_If I fell into you, would it be close enough?_

_If I finally let you in, would you show me what love is?_

_If I had nothing to give._

Blaine watched, like he had been unable to the other night by the piano. He was beautiful and could be fragile, but Kurt straightened his back and Blaine knew he was strong, like no other.

_If you came to me empty handed_

_I'd bring the ocean to bring you home _

_And if you came to me empty hearted_

_I'd find the pieces to make you own_

_If I fell into you, would it be close enough?_

_If I finally let you in would you show me what love is?_

_If I had nothing to give._

_If I am a promise_

_Will you let me break again?_

_I will be your congress, I will only let you ban _

_All I've ever known is how to hide a secret _

_But I'm tired of going on without believing _

_And love is not illusion, love illuminates the blind._

Kurt's eyes had been closed, but he opened them as if he _had_ been blind. He looked directly at Blaine and smiled. Blaine was dependable and oh so caring and he almost shone there as he sat. But Kurt was a little afraid.

_If I fell into you, would it be close enough?_

_If I finally let you in, would you show me what love is?_

_If I had nothing to give_

_If I had nothing to give _

There was a slight applause, they had clearly enjoyed the performance, but wanted to give nothing away. Eileen smiled and nodded, saying they would be in touch. Kurt simply thanked them and went on his way.

"They have no idea," Blaine said angrily, as they left the studio space, rushing to keep up with Kurt, who was walking quickly. "They don't know what it took to go there and sing after what's happened."

"I'm nothing to them Blaine," Kurt said matter-of-factly. "I wouldn't want to be treated any other way."

"Do they do that every time?" Blaine asked, incredulously.

Kurt nodded knowingly. "Mmm hmm. Don't get offended on my behalf. They don't know anything about what's happened and I wouldn't want to be treated with kid gloves like a prized porcelain doll. I'll find out like everyone else."

"I suppose Broadway must be demanding and cut throat to succeed. It's where every singer wants to be."

"Exactly. I've always had to work for it."

Blaine opened his mouth as if to speak and then changed his mind, closing it abruptly. Kurt noticed.

"What?" he said, then he sighed. "You were going to ask about James? Blaine, you can mention his name. It's not like Voldemort you know."

Blaine laughed a little at himself. "I know. I just wasn't sure how comfortable you were with me discussing him."

"He's not my favorite subject, but I accept that he might come up in conversation occasionally. He was a part of my life for two years, whether I like it or not."

"Did James find it easier to get work?"

"Yeah, I always hated that, not because I envied it," Kurt hurried to add, "But more because I felt he was cheated of the experience like the rest of us. I've always appreciated every role I've got, because I worked damn hard to get the part. It was easy for him and I don't think he liked his job."

Blaine nodded sagely, showing wisdom and looking suddenly older than his years.

"And if you get a rejection for this role?" Blaine asked quietly, as if he were afraid.

"Then there will be other parts and jobs. I think the best thing is that I tried, that I didn't let circumstances change my whole future. I'm putting myself out there."

"Yeah," Blaine said, his face showing the love he often tried to hide. "You're free… like a blackbird." He thought back to that time by the window and Kurt seemed to see the echo of the moment and then blinked so it disappeared.

"Would you like to go for coffee?"

* * *

Kurt heard a week later that he was up for a second audition, this time to sing some of the songs from the production. He prepared thoroughly, Blaine helping when he could and Rachel offering advice. As she saw him off, with Blaine again by his side, she smiled widely.

"You're ready," she said happily. "You took a chance before, you had to be brave, now you're ready. You're confident and the best you can be. Go."

He smiled widely at her exciting pep talk, reminiscent of Mr. Schue, and he walked with Blaine to the subway.

Kurt was quiet on the journey, musing over Rachel's words, making him doubt his own security when he was on his own. He noticed Blaine, dependable and solid, sincere and caring and always by his side. He worked up the courage to say something just as they were approaching the theatre for the second audition.

"Do you think I'm weak?"

Blaine was startled by the sudden question, deeming it ridiculous and shook his head in puzzlement.

"I mean it's lovely that you always come with me, that I can depend on you for that encouraging smile at the back, but maybe I depend on it too much?"

"You don't want me there?"

"No it's not that," Kurt said quickly, "It's just I worry that I take you from your work, your possible jobs. There's no time just for you, if you always take care of me."

Blaine looked confused like he'd never thought of any of this before.

"There's nowhere else I need to be."

"Maybe if you just wait outside," Kurt said it quietly, his head lowered and Blaine couldn't hide the hurt.

"Okay."

"Really Blaine, it's nothing to do with you," Kurt said hurriedly. "I just need to realize I can do this on my own."

"You don't have to be alone," Blaine said emphatically, his eyes wide and earnest. Kurt smiled at the sincerity.

"I know," Kurt said, taking Blaine's hand and giving it a squeeze at the kindness. "But I do have to learn to stand on my own two feet occasionally. I need to do this for myself."

Blaine nodded, not really understanding, but accepting that it was important to Kurt. "I'll be right out here."

"I'd love that, but I may be a while. Why don't you meet me for coffee later?" Blaine nodded, understanding that he needed his space. Kurt smiled and squeezed his hand again before he let it go, so slowly that he almost wanted to delay it further.

They were all business as he stood on stage, knowing exactly what they wanted to see. He had rehearsed all the songs sung by Gabe, confident that he could deliver each performance with enough feeling to convey the varying emotions.

Luckily the lady who was to play Diana was present, a little later, and able to do chemistry tests with Kurt who had sung all of Gabe's songs to the panel. She was good, an old enough woman to play Gabe's mother, but such an old hand on Broadway that they were guaranteed a success with her presence.

As soon as Kurt found out it was _the_ Anastasia Lazzara, he was speechless. He had rubbed shoulders on occasion with people who were Broadway royalty, but none this close and the possibility of working with her was amazing. He immediately thought back to whether he was good enough when she first came in, her coat trailing a path behind her like a cape.

"Sorry I'm late, sorry I'm late," she gushed as she came down the steps of the auditorium. "Is this the Gabe I might be working with?"

She got on stage effortlessly and Kurt nodded quickly though he hadn't been addressed.

"Ana," Eileen said, walking on stage to introduce them properly. Kurt couldn't believe she knew her well enough to call her 'Ana'! "This is Kurt Hummel."

"Pleased to meet you, pleased to meet you," she said, shaking Kurt's hand profusely and Kurt wondered if she repeated everything she said twice. "So are you new to this game?"

"I've been in productions but only off-Broadway."

"Well Broadway's always the dream, isn't it?" she said knowingly. Kurt thought briefly of what he used to say, that striving was enough, being in a great production was the reward in itself, but he didn't say it. It didn't feel true anymore – he wanted to be on Broadway, he needed this production.

"Yes it is," he said.

"Well, let's get started. Shall we?" she said, taking her coat off quickly and Kurt noticed her bright red nails, filed to perfection.

"How about the scene where Diana finds a music box while cleaning Gabe's room and plays it, causing Gabe to enter and it leads onto 'I Dreamed a Dance'?"

"Sounds fantastic," Ana said and she closed her eyes, preparing for her role with a script in hand and kneeling on the floor. Kurt almost believed there was a music box in her hand before he realized he had to perform too. He took the offered script.

He imagined she was his mother, feeling terribly small and mentally desperate to see her dead son. Ana changed before his eyes into that woman and as she started to sing, he began to hover over her, dance a few steps as if he was merely waiting for her to join him.

_I saw you light the ballroom_

_With your sparkling eyes so blue_

_Graceful as an angel's wing_

_I dreamed a dance with you_

She got up slowly and let her arms lift up to be taken by him as he led her around the room in a simple waltz. She seemed to be fragile in his arms, paper-thin and they danced, barely touching.

_You whispered slyly, softly_

_You told me you would be true_

_We spun around a thousand stars_

_I dreamed a dance with you_

_I know the night is dying dear_

_I know the day will dawn_

Kurt joined in as Gabe, his voice quiet, so as not to disturb her song, her memories.

_The dancers may disappear_

_Still the dance goes on_

_And on_

She continued on her own, tragically believing her dead son was really there and not in her imagination.

_I'll wake alone tomorrow_

_The dream of our dance is through_

_But now until forever love_

_I'll live to dance with you_

_I'll dream my love_

_I'll live my love_

_And I'll die to dance_

He was led into his song, persuading his mother that there was a world where they could be free, where they would be together:

_There's a world_

_There's a world I know_

_A place we can go_

_Where the pain will go away_

_There's a world where the sun shines each day_

He was dreaming of that world, where all pain disappears, his eyes closed in imagination.

_There's a world_

_There's a world out there_

_I'll show you just where_

_And in time I know you'll see_

_There's a world where we can be free_

And then it hit him. In the image of a world where he was free he was never alone. Blaine was there, so loving, so amazing, so completely different from James. He opened his eyes to Ana, who was desperately holding on in her role as Diana. She wanted that place.

_Come with me_

_Come with me_

_There's a world where we can be free_

_Come with me_

There was rapturous applause and as Kurt was standing back, now out of character for Ana to take her rightful place, she took his hand and led him to centre stage, indicating he should take a bow. He blushed and the applause got louder for him and he couldn't help but smile.

* * *

"It was fantastic Blaine!" Kurt gushed as soon as he left the theatre, calling Blaine on his phone. "I met and sang with Anastasia Lazzara! We all called her Ana!"

"Oh my… really? That's so exciting!" Blaine exclaimed.

"Are you still free for coffee?"

"Yeah, just give me a few minutes then I'll meet you at the usual place. Something strange happened as I left the theatre earlier and I need to finish up here."

"Something strange?"

"Yeah, it'll be best if I explain in person," Blaine laughed. "I'll see you in half an hour."

"Ok…" Blaine hung up and Kurt was left wondering why he had been so abrupt.

* * *

"Right I have to go now, but thanks for letting me join in with your games," Blaine said excitedly to all the little faces that stared up at him. The woman, Lizzie, who had found him on the street just outside the theatre, was now looking at him from the back of the room, a most grateful expression on her face. She looked so relieved, Blaine could only smile back.

"One more song, one more song!" The kids shouted and Blaine smiled indulgently.

"Well, I have a friend that had to be really brave today so I think this song is for him."

"Is he your BFF?" one girl asked innocently and Blaine beamed.

"He is the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for," Blaine said then led into the song:

_I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath_

_Scared to rock the boat and make a mess_

_So I sat quietly, agreed politely_

_I guess that I forgot I had a choice_

_I let you push me past the breaking point_

_I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything_

The kids all joined in during the chorus. One kid even rolled on the floor and pretended to be a lion.

_I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter_

_Dancing through the fire_

_'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar_

_Louder, louder than a lion_

_'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar!_

The kids loved it and there was a great applause, especially from the people that worked there. Blaine had saved them from a group of disappointed children with nothing to do. He was led into an office and hugged as soon as he was inside.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Lizzie gushed. "You saved my life, I don't think I can ever repay you."

"Oh, it was nothing," Blaine said modestly.

"No," she said hurt that he was brushing the compliment aside. "Have you ever seen angry and disappointed six year olds? They're scary." She shuddered like she was replaying a memory. "Anyway, what do I owe you?"  
"Oh don't worry, it was fun," Blaine said quickly, money never entering his mind.

"Don't be silly Blaine, I was going to pay that bum that bailed on me a hundred dollars and you did an excellent job."

"A hundred dollars?" he said incredulously. "Do many centers pay that?"

"Yeah when they have the funding or the budget."

Blaine's mind went into overdrive and she smiled, aware she had lost him to the idea.

"You could easily work in several centers or schools on a regular basis for an agreed fee. You were really good, your rapport with the class was effortless."

Blaine nodded, still thinking.

"I'd be interested in hiring you full time," she said, handing him the center's business card. "Let me know. I mean as I say, you saved my life."

* * *

"I don't know what to do," Blaine said after he had relayed how he had spent his morning.

"So this woman just approaches you on the street and asks you to play to a bunch of children?" Kurt asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well I did have a guitar on me, it was kind of a given that I could play it."

"But still, you could have been anyone."

"Well, I wasn't left alone with the kids, and I don't think I look like a murderer."

Kurt laughed. "No, definitely not murderer material. So you're going to go back?"  
"Yeah I think so, it would be a regular income of sorts and would still leave my evenings free."

"I've never seen you so excited about something," Kurt said, beaming.

"And it's coming together for you," Blaine said, matching Kurt's grin.

"That's if they agree," Kurt said, trying to keep his feet on the ground.

"You were born to play a role like this Kurt, no more off-Broadway, this is where you belong."

"You think so?"

"I know so," Blaine said confidently. "No more living in the shadows. You are your own man, you can do anything."

Kurt felt himself grow slightly in the light of Blaine's praise.

He could do anything.

* * *

**Songs quoted:**

'There's a World' and 'I Dreamed a Dance' from the musical 'Next to Normal'

'Empty Handed' by Lea Michele

'Roar' by Katy Perry


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N**: Just because I love you, here's another chapter!

**To the anon reviewer**: I am not disregarding the opportunities, Kurt is. He also changes his mind quite frequently depending on his feeling and circumstances. At the moment he wants to strive for Broadway at other times he will long for a production which means a little more.

* * *

_Only me beside you_

_Still, you're not alone_

_No one is alone, truly_

_No one is alone…_

_Things will come out right now_

_We can make it so_

_Someone is on your side_

_No one is alone_

'_No One Is Alone' from 'Into The Woods'_

There was no doubt in the mind of the casting director: Kurt should be Gabe and he was given the part the following week. It would be a few months of rehearsal and he would see Ana nearly every day. He was so excited he was bopping when he told Blaine and Rachel.

"I knew you could do it," she said happily. "Now we'll be able to compare notes together, rehearse together, drink honey and lemon tea together."

Kurt wasn't sure he loved the overuse of the word 'together', but nothing could dampen his mood. Blaine was getting contracts to sing at other schools and day care centres, but he hadn't seen Tessa or Ruby for a while, their endeavours separating them a little.

Blaine got a call.

"Blaine! I can't get hold of Kurt, is he there with you?"

"Yeah…" Blaine said, and Kurt looked confused, immediately aware something was up by looking at Blaine's face. Blaine handed the phone to Kurt.

"It's Tessa," Blaine whispered.

"Hi Tessa, I haven't seen you in ages," Kurt started conversationally, but he was interrupted.

"Kurt, I couldn't get through to your phone," she said angrily.

"Sorry, I had it on silent, I've got a job on Broadway!"

"I would really love to celebrate with you, but something's happened to Ruby and…"

"What's happened?"

"She got a call from a relative in England, some aunt or something. It appears that her mother is seriously ill and she's been asked to go back."

"Oh fuck…" Kurt whispered, "She won't want to do that."

"Exactly and when she found out she went out for a walk and isn't answering her phone. I worry she might do something stupid."

"Ok, I'm coming over," Kurt said grabbing his jacket as he continued talking. "In fact I know a few places she might go. I'll let you know if she's okay when I can."

"Thanks Kurt," Tessa said, sounding relieved. "I knew I could count on you." She hung up and Kurt went to the door, filling in the lost information to a waiting Blaine and Rachel.

"Text me too," Blaine said as he kissed Kurt on the cheek, a quick gesture without thinking, but there was a pause when they were both startled by the action.

"Will do," Kurt whispered, looking directly at Blaine who smiled, his warm eyes soft and adoring.

It didn't take long for Kurt to find Ruby, searching places he would go if he wanted to be alone and think. The Highline was one of the first places he walked and he found her on a bench looking over the city.

"I knew they'd send you," she said as he simply sat down next to her, saying nothing and clasping his hands together.

"Are they worried?" she asked.

"A little," Kurt said. "They just want to know you're ok." He sent a quick text to both Blaine and Tessa to let them know.

"You know why I went for a walk?"

"Your mom is ill?"

"Yeah, I suspect it isn't serious, but they want me back. They think I should be there in England."

"They?"  
"Relatives. This annoying aunt in particular. She often sends emails filled with guilt inducing statements."

"If your mom is ill though…"

"Yeah I know," she said, closing her eyes, "but I've spent an awful long time pretending I don't have a mom."

"Is she that dreadful?"

"No, not really," she said, "but she wasn't there when I needed her the most and I know she blames me for Joe."

"She blames you for the violence?" Kurt was incredulous.

"Not in so many words. Gosh, she would never say it, but sometimes she has this look on her face like she thinks I'm weak and I brought it on myself. She thinks I chose wrongly and should have got out sooner."

"She doesn't know what it's like to go through that."

"Exactly, but everyone has an opinion on it. I used to catch her looking at me after my dad died, like I pained her. Everyone always told her that I was the splitting image of my dad, they would look at me and gape. I guess it annoyed her that I was daddy's little girl."

"Relationships can change," Kurt said after a while. "When my mom died I never thought I'd be able to talk to my dad about stuff, but we can. In fact he's my biggest champion. We're completely different, but we somehow work and I know he's always got my back. If anything happened to him…"

"I won't ever have that with my mom, Kurt," she said matter-of-factly. "I wish that all it would take was a little effort. I would put every single ounce of myself into that relationship. She's never wanted to make the effort."

Kurt nodded. "What are you going to do?"

"I'll go home," she said standing taller, as if she was piling the courage she needed on her shoulders. "It's the right thing to do."

"Do you need anything?" He grasped her hand and squeezed.

"Just promise me if I call you a lot while I'm there you'll remind me why I'm doing it. You'll tell me that I'm brave."

"You are brave."

"See, you're doing a fantastic job already," she said smiling, her eyes twinkling mischievously. He tickled her side causing her to laugh again.

"What were you doing when Tessa called?"

"Telling Blaine that I got the part on Broadway."

"Wow, Kurt! You did?" Her face lit up.

"Seems like they loved my performance and Ana thought I was great."

"Oh it's Ana now is it?"

"Yeah, we're besties," Kurt joked.

"So, I took you away from Blaine?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're always with Blaine now," she said, no dig, just truth.

Kurt looked at his fingers. "Do you think I see too much of him?"

"No, I think he's good for you."

Kurt nodded, thinking of Blaine, his own version of a knight in shining armour.  
"The lines are blurring now," he said slowly, "He always disarms me, I never know how I feel when I'm around him."

She smiled. "He's your best friend, he's built you back up; he will always be there for you."

"But it's more than that," Kurt said, worried about how much to say. "He kissed me on the cheek earlier, just naturally, without thinking. Sometimes I dream of him, blurry images of the future, even when I'm awake. He's so unbelievably perfect, sometimes I think he's only ever a dream and I'll wake up properly and realise I'm still with James."

"What are you afraid of? Because he's the complete opposite of James – in _every_ way."

"I know. I really do know that." Kurt looked into the distance, trying to find the right words to describe how he felt. He could feel it all ebbing away, just out of reach and there was only Blaine. "I guess, I'm afraid of myself." Ruby looked confused. "I'm afraid that he'll be so perfect, that we'll be so amazing together and I'll screw it up. I'll make mistakes and it'll ruin the friendship we have. I can't live without him now."

"No one knows the future, but I can't imagine you would make mistakes that big. There would be two people in the relationship; he won't want to make mistakes either. It won't just be in your hands. Don't be afraid of love just because you've been burnt."

"I know, I know," he said.

"And you can't let James win like that." Kurt looked at her, surprised by her statement. "He tried to make you believe you were worthless, just something he could abuse and hurt. Well, that isn't true and Blaine doesn't think that either."

Kurt looked up, his eyelashes soft in the light of the Highline, his cheeks aglow. "What _does_ Blaine think of me?"

Ruby rolled her eyes and smiled. "He's loves you, he's such a dork."  
Kurt blushed a little but felt his insides stir and melt.

"You don't need me to tell you that," she continued. "It's written all over his face."

"He makes me feel so connected, so loved," he said, his voice trailing away as he thought of Blaine again.

"Then say what you need to say," she said simply. "And keep me posted whilst I'm in England."

* * *

Half expecting Ruby to text him constantly about her trip to see her family, Kurt didn't expect to have James come back into his life so suddenly and seemingly without reason. Kurt had started rehearsals for 'Next to Normal' and was enjoying learning from one of the greatest ladies on Broadway, who gave so much whenever she played against him. They would have coffee in between sessions, discuss the production and occasionally even shop, where Kurt would recommend a few little touches to her wardrobe and encourage her to accessorise. He soon dubbed Ana the hag he never had, which made her cackle.

Kurt hadn't heard from James, hadn't followed his career upon his departure to LA so it was a complete surprise when he bumped into him after a rehearsal on the sidewalk.

"James…"

Kurt looked like he'd seen a ghost, his face instantly paling as he stumbled back instinctively, causing James to grab his wrist in an effort to keep him still. Kurt recoiled in horror at the touch.

"Get the fuck off me!"

"Kurt, woah, we need to talk," James said, trying to placate, not understanding the pain etched on Kurt's face.

Kurt seemed to regain some of his senses and he stood back again in preparation to walk away. He tried to step past him.

"No we don't."

Kurt nearly succeeded. "Kurt, wait, please…"

Kurt turned, only slightly as he walked away, saw something he'd never seen in James and he hesitated.

"Please, listen to me," James begged. "I won't keep you for long. I just need a few minutes, then you can get away and I won't bother you again."

The idea that he would definitely never see James again spurred him on; the thought that James had once held even a little of his heart made him feel sick. He could barely nod his assent.

James smiled and Kurt couldn't bear the little victory he saw there in his eyes. They walked to the nearest coffee shop and Kurt sat down in a seat by the window – public and visible, out of harm. James looked a little surprised, but ordered their coffees.

Kurt watched him for a little while. James looked thinner, less secure and he wondered what had brought him back here, to a place he hated. His back was no longer straight and confident, his body seeming to apologise for everything and to anyone. Even as he brought the coffees over, his shoulders were hunched and he approached Kurt as if he expected a slap in the face.

"Why are you here?" Kurt asked, getting straight to the point.

James clearly expected the question. "To apologise. I need to say sorry."

Kurt didn't believe it but he stayed silent.

"I've been seeing a therapist," James continued. "He's been helping me."

Kurt hadn't been expecting that, but still he stayed quiet.

"I realise I acted out of misplaced jealousy. I loved you like a possession and you were…"

Kurt held his hand up, he could bear no more.

"What is this really about?" he said coldly. "Why are you really here?"

"What do you mean?" James paled.

"I mean," Kurt said with a hint of venom, "Cut the crap and tell me what you want."

"I don't want…"

"No," Kurt shouted, causing people nearby to look a little worried. "Don't treat me like a fool. What do you want? Why are you here?"

James was silent for a long time. He seemed to be weighing the pros and cons of possible answers, but Kurt waited.

"I need you to make a statement to the press, something about our relationship and how it really ended."

Kurt looked relieved at the final honesty, but he stood up abruptly, suddenly grateful that James had ordered coffees in take away cups. He started to walk and realising what he was doing, James followed quickly.

"No, Kurt, don't go."

"Get away from me James."

"Kurt, please listen, I just need you to say that it was a misunderstanding, just an argument that went wrong. I…"

"No!" Kurt wheeled around to face him on the sidewalk. "It wasn't just an argument that went wrong, you broke a rib, you bruised me and cut my lip."  
It was the first time James had realised what he'd done, come face to face with his actions and he stopped still.

"And what's worse," Kurt carried on. "You led me to believe it was my fault, my mistakes but IT WAS YOU!" James had never seen Kurt so angry, but he kept his distance, and Kurt never touched him.

"You cheated on me…" James said weakly and seeing the pathetic expression on his face made Kurt's anger finally dissipate.

"No, I didn't. I never cheated and I would never have done that," Kurt said quietly. "I thought I loved you."

James was relieved to hear at least that.

"I did love you," James said.

"Not enough," Kurt said, "And with some kind of warped love."

"But Blaine was after you, he wanted you."

Kurt realised then that James would never understand and the conversation was pointless. He sighed and closed his eyes, relying on his last bit of strength and patience.

"No, he loved me in the right way," Kurt whispered. "He cared when you only saw red, he took care of me when you wanted to hurt me, and he wanted my best when you took it away. You need to leave, James. You won't get what you want here."

James understood at least that and nodded. "Ok, I'll leave. I'll go back to modelling I think, it's easier than trying to break into acting over there."

Kurt nodded, not really caring.

"I won't bother you again." Kurt wanted to say 'good', but left it unsaid.

* * *

Kurt texted Ruby the details of seeing James, and got a reply almost instantly:

_**Final closure at last. Good riddance, well handled. Miss you x**_

Kurt was surprised by the last comment. They had shared so much but Ruby wasn't one to reel out platitudes or text kisses.

_Miss you too :( how is rainy old England?_

_**Not too rainy actually! My mum is the same as ever, but we seem to have reached a status quo at least. Joe is apparently living with someone, so the grapevine tells me, but nowhere near my mum, so won't accidently bump into him.**_

_Is she feeling better?_

_**Yeah, nothing much to worry about, I'll be home in a few days x**_

Kurt was glad to hear her mention her real 'home' and he text again to wish her a good trip. With such a good response from Ruby, understanding and caring, Kurt was surprised at Blaine's reaction when he told him once he got back to their apartment.

"Where is he staying? I'll personally make sure he goes back to LA." Blaine was already grabbing his jacket and keys, walking towards the door until Kurt stopped him.

"I don't know. You can't do that."

"Why not? After what he did to you…"

Kurt had never seen Blaine so angry. It seemed as if he had been bottling it up for months.

"He's gone now, he said he'd leave me alone."

"I thought he understood that from our last meeting with your dad," Blaine seethed. "Why are you so calm about this?"

Kurt sighed. "Because I've gotten over it. He can't harm me again."

"He shouldn't have harmed you in the first place."

"But he did and it's over. He didn't get what he came for."

"So who's to say he won't ask again."

"He knows there's no point. I won, Blaine, I won."

"I didn't know it was a game."

Kurt sat on the sofa, silently asking Blaine to do the same. "It was my life, not a game, but I'm glad it's over. He gets to walk away and try to live his life somewhere else."

"But what do you get?" It seemed so unfair to Blaine, who fiercely believed in justice.

"I get peace and closure," Kurt said, closing his eyes. "He hurt me once, left bruises and broken ribs, but he didn't leave inner pain. I know who I am now and it's not his victim, not a pathetic shell of a man, but someone fierce and together. I can stand on my own, I can be who I want to be and not stuck in anyone's shadow."  
Blaine said nothing. He just looked at Kurt as if he was shining. He was so proud of him, so amazed that he could rise like that out of ashes and pain and become a better version of himself. Blaine wasn't sure _he_ was that brave.

"Don't worry about me Blaine," Kurt whispered, his eyes bright and shining. "I'm still here."


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks to H T Elia once again for being an awesome beta :)**

* * *

_In the darkest night hour_

_I'll search through the crowd_

_Your face is all that I see_

_I'll give you everything_

_Baby love me lights out_

_Baby love me lights out_

_You can turn my lights out_

'_XO' by Beyonce_

* * *

As soon as things settled and Ruby returned, Kurt planned a trip to Coney Island and all its amusement parks in an effort to remind everyone they were young and carefree. Rachel had been insufferable since she had started a new production of 'Into the Woods' and all eight shows a week were beginning to take their toll. She wasn't kidding when she had said she would rehearse with Kurt and although their parts were different Kurt was expected to help her whenever he could. He would often come back to the apartment he shared with Blaine and fall onto the sofa in the hope of never leaving it again. Blaine, in these circumstances, always made dinner and spoke of his day in an effort to take Kurt's mind off Broadway. He would play a song he'd written, or describe how a child had made him laugh with a silly comment so Kurt could relax.

Blaine had never been happier or more secure in what he was doing day-to-day. He loved playing to children most days and still getting a chance to perform his own music and covers in the evenings at his regular gigs. Whenever he could, Kurt would join him for support and enjoy drinks and freedom until the late hours.

"Right, now Ruby's back, we can go," Kurt said happily, "and that includes you Rachel." Blaine, Kurt and Sam were having a potluck dinner around Rachel's.

"I'm busy each night, you know that," she wailed.

"You can join us during the day, the theatre will still be there when you get back."

"Okay, okay, but why do you want to go so much?"  
"Because we haven't celebrated anything in so long and I know I got the show two weeks ago, but I always felt it was an anti-climax when I found out. It's a big deal to me."

"We know," Blaine said, kindly, touching his hand as it rested on the table. Rachel noticed, but said nothing though Kurt barely registered those gestures anymore. They had become more and more frequent and Kurt was used to the comforting touch or the gentle stroke of fingers on his skin. Kurt wasn't really an affectionate person, and he had always been suspicious when James had initiated contact, but from Blaine it was reassuring, soothing.

"So we'll invite Tessa and Ruby, and everyone here. Let's see if we can get Mercedes and Artie if they're free," Kurt said excitedly. "And everyone will have a great time."

Blaine smiled at Kurt's eagerness, but Rachel's eyes just rolled.

* * *

The Cyclone rollercoaster was thrilling as Kurt sat next to Blaine, awaiting the screaming descent as the cars went slowly upwards. He thought he'd prepared, knew what was coming by watching several people go on the ride first. He covered his face at the thought of what was to come. He could hear Blaine laugh next to him and he opened his hands to see and found Blaine looking at him, his eyes twinkling with happiness.

"Fasten your seat belts," Blaine said, leaning in close so Kurt could hear him above the rush of wind.

Kurt winked as he recognized the line from a film they'd seen again at an old cinema recently. "It's going to be a bumpy night."

They reached the top and descended in a rush and scream. Blaine lifted his hands in the air and hollered, and Kurt thought 'what the hell?' and did the same, causing them both to laugh at each other. They dipped and rose, twirled and spun and it wasn't until the ride slowed down when they were able to catch their breath.

"That was awesome," Blaine breathed. "We have to do that again, when the sun goes down."

They went on various rides, ate too many sweets and candy floss until Rachel had to leave for work and they sent her off with a kiss on her cheek and a happy wave. The group seemed to disperse a little, people pairing off and coming back together again. They dodged in the bumper cars, racing around like crazies, and Kurt would laugh loudly, especially as he was being pursued, his body bouncing back when he was hit.

After a while, once Blaine and Kurt lost the others and the sun continued to set, they decided to go on the Wonder Wheel, where the wheels slid on rails between the hub and the rim as it rotated. The sky was a myriad of colours and they could see the old parachute jump that stood proudly with its neon lights, high above the rest of the rides. Kurt and Blaine were silent, only so they could digest the scene in front of them, take in all the fun of the day and wonder where it left them in all of the crowds around them.

"Did you have fun?" Blaine asked after a while.

"Yeah, it's been great. Did you?"

Blaine nodded and looked over the sunset, the colours streaking the sky ahead of them.

"It's beautiful and tacky here, all at once."

"That's why I love it," Kurt said, smiling. "We've finally made it."

Blaine thought over the words that made life seem so limited, as if the end was in sight, but thinking of the last few months, they _had_ made it. Blaine realized he was where he was supposed to be, doing what he loved, and Kurt had achieved so many of his own dreams. Life was good.

Blaine took in Kurt's happy gaze out to the world ahead and it wasn't limiting. They could do so much, be whatever they wanted as long as they were still breathing. Blaine snuck closer, breathed in the air that Kurt must have breathed out and they found their hands entwining again, a touch so common but so warm. They couldn't reach a final destination on the Wonder Wheel; it was ever a circle, always coming around to the same view, only changing slightly at every round. Blaine watched the colours of the sky change on Kurt's face, saw the lights in his eyes and sighed. Life was wonderful as long as Kurt was in it.

Lights popped, neon bulbs flashed and eventually Kurt and Blaine were separated as they came off the Wonder Wheel, the crowds pushing them farther apart. It was a while before he realized he was on his own, Kurt talking to the person behind him for a minute until he realized it wasn't Blaine. He stammered an apology to the person he had been speaking to and he spun slowly, searching through the crowd, hoping to catch a glimpse of Blaine.

It overwhelmed him, the idea that people were closing in without meaning to; they were surrounding him, causing his breath to falter. His eyes scanned the lit up faces, and fireworks started to pop loudly, banging and showering them with more light. He tried to call, but Blaine didn't answer the phone and he suddenly realized he wouldn't be able to hear him if he did. People went to other rides, jostled to get a better view of the fireworks and still Kurt couldn't find him. The sky rang out with a shower of bangs that created a blue heart, which soon disappeared and Kurt thought he could see Blaine's face in the sky and his heart skipped a beat.

Blaine was everywhere. Every face in the crowd, every guy with dark hair and mesmerizing eyes of honey was Blaine. Kurt's hand went out to touch someone on the shoulder, until he realized it wasn't the one he was looking for and retracted it quickly. He felt panicked and then he saw him.

Blaine was standing still, throngs of people surrounded him, but it didn't bother him. He didn't come forward, but he smiled and Kurt saw another collection of sparks illuminate the sky above him, colouring Blaine's face like splashes of paint. Kurt felt his fingers tingle to touch and hold him. He stepped forward and people seemed to leave him space to move, no longer jostling him along; they left him a path. He was it and there he was, just Blaine.

"I lost you," Kurt breathed and he was so close Blaine could feel the words on his face.

"I was always here." Blaine smiled and took Kurt's arms to tether him to himself. Everything melted away. There was no more James, no more pain, only Blaine who would always be there.

"I love you," Kurt whispered and although they had gotten closer, their lips breathing in the same air, the statement gave Blaine a jolt of surprise and his eyes widened.

"You do?"

Kurt nodded and smiled.

"I love you too," Blaine whispered, his fingers coming up to stroke the soft skin of Kurt's face, simple adoration in his eyes. Kurt came closer, bridging the small gap and placing his lips where they belonged. He had let him take, but as soon as Blaine realized what was happening, his lips moved slowly too and he teased Kurt's tongue with his own. He breathed Kurt in; no one else was there. It was slow, awed, soft and hushed, and Kurt could taste the sugar on Blaine's tongue. Kurt felt the addictive sugar rush, his soft hands cupping Blaine's face, holding him close. Blaine felt heavy, in a daze, and swayed a little when he pulled back.

"I've wanted to kiss you for so long," Blaine said on an exhale, his eyes still closed.

"You can kiss me whenever you want to," Kurt smiled, his eyes twinkling. His gaze never left Blaine who remained dazed but solid beneath his fingers. Blaine was everything and everywhere. Kurt felt stupid for leaving it so long, but it felt so different, so easy. He leant in again for another kiss, just because he could.

"I think I might have found a new obsession," he breathed when taking necessary air.

Blaine laughed. "That's fine by me."

* * *

**A/N**: This chapter is truly inspired from the song and video by Beyonce called 'XO' – sorry about that but it just screamed Klaine when I watched it! This is the furthest I've ever gone before Klaine get together in a fic so sorry for the wait! Hope you enjoyed it – let me know!


	17. Chapter 17

** Warnings**: Finally the good kind of warning! M rating applies.

Thanks to my wonderful beta as always - H T Elia :)

* * *

_I was sent here for you_

_We were made to love_

_We were made to love_

_You were sent for me too_

_We were made to love_

_We were made to love_

'_Made to Love' by John Legend_

Kurt and Blaine came home soon after leaving the others behind, causing a frantic text an hour later to reach both of their phones. They assured their friends that they were okay and Tessa started to laugh at Sam, who looked clueless.

"Hand it over," she said, stretching her hand out in expectation.

"What are you talking about?"

"The money, I called it. You owe me $20." Sam had never seen her look so gleeful.

"They hooked up?" He asked incredulously.

"They went 'home early'," she said, making air quotes. "We all know what that means."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Not necessarily. Blaine and Kurt are different. I want proof."

"I bet you another $20 that Kurt has a hickey tomorrow morning. I know for a fact that Blaine is a biter."

"Eurgh, gross," Sam said pulling a face. "I do not want that image in my head."

"Deal?" she said decisively.

"Ok, deal." They shook hands.

* * *

Kurt clutched Blaine's hand all the way home. Now able to touch freely, he couldn't seem to let go. Blaine would look across at him every so often, on the subway, as they walked, and he would smile so warmly that it reached his eyes, aware that he was the luckiest guy in the world.

"Sorry to sound like a sap, but you're gorgeous in this light," he breathed when he could stand the silence no more and Kurt laughed.

"That is pretty sappy, but thank you."

"What would you think if I stopped to kiss you right now?" Blaine's eyes twinkled and Kurt laughed again, though he surreptitiously looked behind him down the street.

"I'd love it, but not sure the other people on our street would like it."

"Okay, I'll wait," Blaine said, biting his lip to hold back the urge. He raced home a little quicker, taking Kurt with him by the hand. As Blaine opened the door, he could feel Kurt's hands on his side and back and he turned to find Kurt's eyes a little darker in the streetlight.

"I know we were affectionate before, but my hands want so much more," Kurt said, blushing a little. Blaine took his hand and kissed it slowly. He led him into the apartment and took off his shoes.

Kurt made warm milk, their evening custom, and Blaine joined him in the kitchen after a while, sneaking his arms around Kurt's waist and kissing the back of his neck.

"Everything feels so different now," Blaine whispered, his warm breath tickling Kurt's neck, making him sigh. "I know we do this every night, make warm milk, play the piano, but now I get to do this." And he nibbled his way along Kurt's neck, pressing his lips and sucking in places. He closed his eyes and sighed in pleasure.

"Blaine…"

Kurt moaned loudly and leant backwards, allowing Blaine better access to take, take, take. Blaine kissed and sucked a spot just below Kurt's ear that drove him wild and he felt wobbly on his legs.

"Want to take this somewhere else?" Blaine whispered.

"God, yes…"

Kurt dragged him to their bedroom, no longer a place where they would just sleep and hug. Kurt stopped just short of the big space; sheets were folded neatly and tucked in.

"We can take it slow if you like," Blaine whispered near his ear after a while. Kurt hadn't realised he had stopped and taken so long, but he turned quickly.

"You want to take it slow?"

Blaine closed his eyes in an effort to resist and take control. "God no." When he opened his eyes again they were bright and Kurt couldn't look away. "But I'd go slow for you. I don't want to be a trigger for anything."

Blaine emphasised the word 'anything', leaving a lot unsaid. They'd never had a discussion about any other abuse and Kurt realised that Blaine had imagined far worse.

"I think we need to chat." Kurt walked him to the bed and sat down next to him. He breathed out. "James never raped me, Blaine."

Blaine looked visibly relieved.

"We had a reasonable sex life most of the time. It was more that…" Kurt looked embarrassed to be discussing this with Blaine. He started to think his demands were silly.

"You can tell me," Blaine said quietly and Kurt realised how he could tell him anything; first and foremost he was his best friend.

"He could be cold afterwards, only worried about his own orgasm, but I guess a lot of relationships turn into that eventually. It was no big deal."

To Blaine, it was. "Kurt, not every relationship is like that. You're fucking amazing, no one should ever take you for granted."

Kurt chuckled at the swear. "It seems you've been hanging with Tessa too often."

"If you let me," Blaine said quietly, sincerely. "I'll show you how beautiful you are." He looked over Kurt's lithe body, fully clothed on their bed, making Kurt feel like he was being undressed with his eyes.

"Can I take off your clothes?" Blaine asked and Kurt nodded.

Blaine removed each item so lovingly, slowly, with confidence but awe at every inch of skin that was being revealed. Kurt watched him carefully, saw only love in those honey eyes that had cared for him for so long. When Kurt's shirt was removed, Blaine carefully draped it on a chair and returned his eyes and lips to Kurt's exposed shoulders as he sat sideways. He kissed him gently, his lips ghosting over soft skin. Kurt almost closed his eyes with the pleasure, but he kept them open, desperate to see. Blaine was taking his time, determined to give all the pleasure and clearly enjoying it himself as he bucked a little closer, his erection bumping against Kurt's thigh. Blaine moaned loudly at the contact.

"Please… let me touch you."

Kurt's fingers ached to touch and Blaine eagerly stripped his top. His eyes were dark, but Kurt had never felt so turned on and he looked like he might just devour him as he pushed a little, causing Blaine to fall onto the bed.

"Your chest…" Kurt murmured in awe of the dark hair littering his pecs and leading along his toned stomach. He touched, because he could, and sat back so he was lying on his side, his fingers feeling along the warm skin, causing Blaine to giggle.

"Sorry, you're just so beautiful," Kurt said. He indicated Blaine's belt. "Do you mind?" Blaine couldn't speak, too overwhelmed at the thought of what Kurt might do and he weakly nodded. He involuntarily bucked as Kurt's fingers ghosted over his straining erection, on his way to removing his pants. Blaine didn't care; there was no finesse, he needed his pants off very soon. Kurt giggled.

Just in his boxers, Blaine didn't feel exposed. Kurt began kissing, just like Blaine had kissed him earlier, except Kurt's fingers ghosted over his inner thighs, or led up higher at the same time until Blaine was practically mewling in pleasure and bucking higher.

"Fuck, Kurt…"

"I love it when you curse," Kurt murmured near his ear and he took the opportunity to suck gently on his earlobe, causing Blaine to buck again in desperation. Blaine sat upright causing Kurt to sit too, mirroring his position.

"If you kept that up, I would have no choice but to maul you or come in my boxers," Blaine grinned, but the blush on his cheeks was evident.

"What's wrong with that?" Kurt asked innocently, coming closer, looking directly at Blaine. His eyes were so lust-blown and dark that Blaine momentarily lost his breath and his heart stammered in his chest.

"You want me to come in my underwear?"

"No," Kurt said, coming even closer so his breath tickled Blaine's soft lips. "I want you to maul me."

Blaine's eyes widened and Kurt just had to laugh.

"I knew I couldn't get away with comments like that…"

"No, no, I was just surprised," Blaine said.

"Why?" Kurt said, sitting back slightly. "I'm not a porcelain doll. I promise I won't break."

Blaine opened his mouth, about to protest that he knew that, when Kurt interrupted by removing his pants and underwear. Blaine sat open-mouthed.

"James may have hurt me, but I'm still here and you can kiss me—" Kurt came lower, back to the bed to kiss Blaine's shoulder. "You can move me—" Blaine was nudged backwards again as Kurt hovered over him and finally came closer, his face inches from Blaine. "And you can definitely take me." Kurt's lips pressed insistently against Blaine's warm, soft mouth. Blaine just took it, because he wanted to relish this above everything else. "Because with James I was never allowed to enjoy and take and I have dreamt of doing this with you for a loooong time."

Blaine moaned at the image, the knowledge that Kurt had been struggling like he had and he kissed him back, pushing Kurt so he was upright and dipping his tongue in to enjoy.

"Fuck me," Kurt moaned, "Take me and make me moan. I want to feel it."

"Fuck - "

Kurt fell back onto the bed, spreading his legs a little wider and Blaine almost came at the sight, so perfect, so open and waiting for him. He closed his eyes.

"I put lube in the bedside drawer," Kurt said after a while and he blushed, causing Blaine to wonder if he had much time alone to do that to himself, to touch and find that spot. Blaine's cock twitched in pleasure.

Blaine trailed the lube down, touching gently, making Kurt moan already and he pressed back slightly against Blaine's finger. Blaine added two and then a third so he was carefully prepared, all ready until…

"Blaine, please…" Kurt moaned so loudly, Blaine was temporarily worried about their neighbours, but he granted Kurt's desperate plea and prepared. He pushed Kurt's knees up to his chest and went in slowly—as slowly as he possibly could—eventually moving deeper. Kurt kept his gaze, a gentle and loving gaze, so in love with the man inside of him.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked, a stuttered question, a heaving of breath.

Kurt nodded. "You can go further, it's ok, you can -"

He closed his eyes and moaned as Blaine rocked slightly farther, fully in. Blaine's senses were overwhelmed; Kurt was everywhere, all around him, and they were rocking together, slow and endless, in time with Kurt's gasps of pleasure. Blaine kissed his perfect mouth as it opened with another moan of pleasure, his tongue teasing the roof of his mouth and moaning in tandem. He rocked harder, tilted so the angle was just so…

"Fuck, right there Blaine, right _there_—"

Kurt arched to meet the thrusts and his eyes clenched in pleasure, so there, so complete and _full_. Blaine's fingers trailed down and he gently took Kurt in his hand, causing him to come straight away. He tightened his hold and watched as Kurt came undone. A few more heavy thrusts, his eyes wide open to take in the sight and Blaine came hard.

"Oh fuck. That was so good," Blaine breathed, coming out and collapsing on the bed beside Kurt, who was panting.

"Fuck," was all Kurt could say and their eyes met and they laughed until their sides hurt.

"Worth the wait?" Blaine asked after a while, one of his legs still draped over Kurt's body, his lips curled into a cheeky smile.

"You have no idea how long I've waited for that," Kurt said smiling and not caring about the mess and he tangled his legs around Blaine's so they were together. "I've waited my whole life for that."

Blaine said nothing, hating that Kurt had never experienced it properly, but eternally grateful that he was enjoying that with Kurt instead. Kurt nestled his nose under Blaine's jaw and smiled, breathing in his scent of sex and old-fashioned cologne.

"I've waited my whole life for _this_," he murmured and Blaine brought him impossibly closer.


	18. Chapter 18

** Warnings** for bedtime shenanigans later on in the chapter.

Thank you to my lovely and amazing beta **H T Elia** – I crack up at her comments every time!

* * *

_And when the night has finally gone._

_And when we see the new day dawn._

_We'll wonder how we wandered for so long, so blind._

_The wasted world we thought we knew,_

_The light will make it look brand new._

'_Light' from the musical 'Next to Normal'_

* * *

Kurt went into full rehearsal mode as the previews loomed. Full dress rehearsals were underway, as well as final tech shows and Blaine was allowed to watch and sneak in near the back so he wouldn't distract Kurt.

"You were fantastic!" Blaine exclaimed as soon as the director had declared the actors finished for the day. Kurt jumped.

"You saw?"

"Of course," Blaine said, shrugging his shoulders. "I didn't want to distract you from feeling the part, but you said I could watch one day."  
"Oh honey, I don't mind," Kurt said, his arms wrapping around Blaine's waist to tug him closer. He kissed him chastely and beamed.

"I would have put on a special performance if I knew you were to be here," Kurt smiled mischievously and Blaine felt the heat rise.

"But there are others present…" Blaine whispered, looking around at the bustling auditorium. People were running errands, meeting last minute demands of the director or producer and paying absolutely no heed to the lovesick couple amidst the seats.

"I can't see anyone giving us a blind bit of notice," Kurt said, nudging Blaine's nose with his own. He kissed him, just a nip of a kiss, and Blaine murmured something inaudible.

"What was that?" Kurt asked innocently, kissing along Blaine's jaw gently and oh so seductively.

"Take me home."

Kurt had never run out quicker.

* * *

The day of his opening night arrived. Kurt had been at the theatre all day, determined to take every chance for perfection. Ana arrived early afternoon and was surprised to see Kurt already there.

"Darling, don't panic," she said, air-kissing him on the cheek as she approached. "I know opening nights are dreadfully nerve-wracking, but you'll be amazing. All the previews gave you amazing reviews. You're pipped for a Tony you know?"

"I didn't want to read too many reviews in case it all came tumbling down."

"Don't be ridiculous," she said waving his ideas away. Someone's personal assistant came up to Kurt with several bouquets of flowers.

"These are all for you," Lizzie gushed. "Shall I put them in your dressing room?"

"For me?" Kurt's face lit up.

"You're a Broadway baby," Ana said, threatening to break into song until Kurt raised an eyebrow and laughed, as if she were doting on a small child.

"Who are they from?"

"The biggest is from your dad and Carole," she said, reading the card and giving it to Kurt. "This one is from Rachel and this small one is from a guy called James?"

Kurt's face fell.

"Oh right, thanks," he said and the PA looked confused at the change in Kurt's expression. "Can you put them in my dressing room? I'll take the cards, thanks."

She did as instructed and Kurt looked over the cards. Both his dad and Rachel had sent him beautiful bouquets with cards of congratulations and lots of love. James had sent a mediocre bunch of flowers and the card simply read 'congratulations.' He didn't really know what to make of it all.

"Who's James?" Ana asked and Kurt looked startled, completely forgetting she was there.

"An ex-boyfriend."

"Oh," she said, her eyes wide with sudden realization. "It's _that_ kind of card. He wants you back?"

Kurt looked at her sharply. "God, no, never going to happen," he said adamantly, shaking his head profusely.

"Bad break-up?"

"The worst. He hit me, I called the police. He lives in LA now."

"Oh he's James _Baker_?" she said, realization dawning on her face. "I didn't know you were _the_ boyfriend."

"Yes, I tried to stay out of the papers as much as possible. I was quite unknown then. He wasn't."  
"No, I know. It ruined his career on Broadway didn't it?"  
"Yeah, I don't think he's had much luck in LA either."

Kurt sat down on a theatre seat, slowly, gingerly, still looking at the card in his hands. Ana's expression softened as Kurt suddenly looked his age – the son he was playing very evident in his lost little face.

"You'd forgotten about him."

Kurt nodded.

The silence was comforting, allowing Kurt to digest his thoughts, calm his whirling mind. She took his hand and squeezed.

"It was a very brave thing you did," she said, "getting out, striving for a dream. He can't change that by sending some measly flowers."

"I know."

"That guy that's been visiting the theatre nearly every day this week? The guy with the impeccable hair and the cute bow ties?"

"Yeah, that's Blaine," Kurt said, smiling at the apt description.

"Someone special?"

"Someone _very_ special."

"Well then," she said, happily. "This James can't take that away from you. Enjoy your night Kurt and don't let him win. Throw those pathetic flowers away and take your curtain call and bow, showing the whole world how fantastic and marvelous you are. Show them Kurt Hummel and how far he's come."

"As long as you take the bow with me?" he asked and her eyes twinkled.

"Oh darling, in the words of Ms Gaga – 'I live for the applause.'"

Kurt laughed loudly.

* * *

Blaine had never been more proud. As he sat in a row in the circle, alongside Burt, Carole, Rachel, Tessa, Ruby and as many friends from Lima that could make it, he beamed. He'd seen countless rehearsals, helped with songs and lines at home with Kurt and watched Kurt grow into the performer he knew was inside, but nothing quite prepared him for his perfection on stage.

Kurt, as Gabe, was crouching near the metal poles at the back of the stage, starting quietly, just as Ana, who played his mother, was talking to her doctor.

_I am what you want me to be,__  
And I'm your worst fear__  
You'll find it in me.__  
Come closer...__  
Come closer..._

I am more than memory

_I am what might be,__  
I am mystery.__  
You know me__  
So show me._

When I appear it's

_Not so clear if__  
I'm a simple spirit__  
Or I'm flesh and blood..._

But I'm alive,

_I'm alive,__  
I am so alive,__  
And I feed on the fear__  
That's behind your eyes._

And I need you

_To need me__  
It's no surprise__  
I'm alive...__  
So alive...__  
I'm alive.__  
_

He was staying in the shadows of the stage, almost bursting to get out, determined for the other characters to see and recognise him, but he was frustrated.

_I am flame and I am fire,__  
I am destruction,__  
Decay and desire__  
I'll hurt you...__  
I'll heal you..._

I'm your wish,

_Your dream come true,__  
And I am your darkest__  
Nightmare too__  
I've shown you...__  
I own you._

And though you made me,

_You can't change me__  
I'm the perfect stranger__  
Who knows you too well._

And I'm alive,

_I'm alive,__  
I am so alive,__  
And I'll tell you the truth__  
If you let me try._

You're alive,

_I'm alive,__  
And I'll show you why__  
I'm alive...__  
So alive..._

I'm alive

_I'm right behind you.__  
You say forget,__  
But I remind you.__  
You can try to hide,__  
You know that I will find you.__  
'Cause if you won't grieve me__  
You won't leave me behind...__  
_

He came closer, startling his mother, who was the only one who seemed to hear him. He was persistent and he sang louder.

_I'm alive,__  
I'm alive,__  
I am so alive,__  
If you climb on my back,__  
Then we both can fly.__  
If you try to deny me__  
I'll never die__  
I'm alive...__  
So alive...__  
I'm alive…_

He'd worked himself to the highest level of the construction on the stage, louder, more desperate to be heard and his last note finished, with open arms wide. He was the only thing anyone saw on stage and Blaine had no doubt that everyone believed in his existence. Kurt Hummel was alive and no one could ignore his talent anymore.

* * *

Ana had been right. There were standing ovations for both her and Kurt and neither shied away from the limelight. Blaine and Burt were the loudest of all in their praise and adoration, as Kurt bowed again and again, beaming with amazement that this was all for him. He was enveloped in hugs as soon as the curtains finally descended.

"I knew it, I knew it," Ana gushed. "You were amazing." She wiped a tear from her eye and Kurt briefly thought she looked just like a real mother to him, so proud at what he had become. He hugged her again tightly.

Kurt's dressing room was crowded by the time he got there. Flowers were blooming out of every corner and he was hugged and kissed far too many times for him to keep track. Flustered, he landed in his chair and felt his eyes brim with tears that everyone had come to see him; that he had made it and it had been such a success.

"So this is the famous and debonair Blaine?" Ana asked as she seemed to miraculously appear beside him. Blaine was touched that he had been mentioned and he immediately took her hand to explain how big of a fan he was.

"He's a keeper," she stage-whispered to Kurt as soon as Blaine let her hand go. Kurt laughed and let the discussion of his performance commence. Once or twice he would glance around the room, at people discussing the performance, praising his ability, and wonder how he had ever managed to become so lucky.

* * *

Kurt relished the quiet as they entered their apartment in the early hours of the morning. Blaine made him warm milk quietly, his feet shuffling around the apartment as Kurt changed into a dressing gown. Upon seeing him enter the kitchen, Blaine's breath left him.

"As amazing as your performance was tonight, I am so very grateful that I get to see you like this; that I'm the _only one_ that gets to see you like this."

Kurt snuck up to him, curling his arm around Blaine's waist securely as he continued to warm the milk. Kurt loved the domesticity of their relationship, that he only had one person to come home to each night. His last relationship had woefully lacked any such intimacy. The thought made his stomach twist. He'd have to tell Blaine about the bouquet.

"I have to tell you something."

An eyebrow raised, Blaine sat down at the kitchen table with two mugs of warm milk and waited.

"I received some flowers today."

Blaine laughed. "I know, I don't think I've ever seen so many. Perhaps in a florist's shop," he mused.

"No these were different. Small and pathetic actually, but the person who sent them has a tie to us."

Blaine's brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to work out who it was.

"James," Kurt said slowly.

"What?"

"The card just said 'congratulations' but I wasn't sure what to do with it."  
"Burn it. Throw away the flowers," Blaine said, getting up quickly and angrily.

"I did."

"Then what's the issue? We don't have to think about it again."

"But what does he want? Why is he sending them in the first place?"

"Who cares, Kurt? Whatever his motive, it doesn't matter. Don't let the bastard ruin the most perfect evening."

"I don't want to," Kurt whispered, looking down at his drink in panic, wondering if he had done just that by bring it up. Blaine noticed and brought his chair a little closer, taking Kurt's hands in his and imploring him to look at the beautiful honey-coloured eyes ahead of him.

"Nothing can touch us Kurt," he said. "On that stage, you were everything. He will never have that and he wanted to reach out because he is jealous. He expected you to amount to nothing."

"Tonight _was_ perfect."

"Exactly. Don't let one pathetic guy ruin it for you. Don't try to work out what he meant. He's not worth it."

"I guess he will always be a part of my life, he'll always be out there. It's like Ruby too. Joe will always be somewhere out in the world and we can run and hide but they're always lurking in the shadows."

Blaine looked infinitely sad that he couldn't remove that for Kurt.

"Life is full of shadows," he eventually said. "We can't remove them, we can't escape them. But your life is what you do _against_ the shadows. If you refuse to let them win, if you use those experiences to shape and mould you and perhaps to help others on the way, then, well, you would have succeeded."

"I love you," Kurt said, his beautiful blue eyes swimming with such love that Blaine could never doubt his sincerity.

"I love you too," he said.

* * *

"Fuck, Kurt!"

Blaine had no idea that hair tugging was a thing for him, but as he rocked gently inside Kurt, kissed him fiercely, Kurt had nowhere to place his hands and it felt so good. Blaine's hair had long ago escaped its gelled confines and Kurt ran his fingers through his curls, tugging on occasion and letting out obscene moans.

"I love that I can run my fingers through your hair; I fucking love your curls."

Blaine groaned at his words, thrusting harder and faster, causing Kurt's hips to lift and join him.

"When I first saw you, across the way, they were the first thing I noticed," Kurt said, his words stuttered as his hips matched Blaine's thrusts again. "I dreamt of touching and running my hands through…"

Kurt tugged a little harder and without warning, Blaine came hard, his eyes wide at Kurt's admission. He thrust deeper and harder so Kurt could join him, but seeing Blaine come undone so beautifully and at the words that had escaped his mouth, he came too, his back arched and his neck exposed.

As they came down from the high, Blaine wrapped his legs around Kurt's body once he'd disposed of the condom and Kurt brought him closer, his nose nuzzled under his jaw.

"Did you really want to do that?"

"Mmm, yeah," Kurt said at the memory, his eyes closing, and his expression blissful.

"Then you have my permission to do that anytime you want to."

Kurt chuckled. "Thank you, kind sir."

* * *

**Song quoted:**

'I'm Alive' from 'Next to Normal'


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:** Thanks again to the wonderful H T Elia for beta-ing this chapter.

* * *

_Go on and try to tear me down_

_I will be rising from the ground_

_Like a skyscraper_

_Like a skyscraper_

'_Skyscraper' by Demi Lovato_

Kurt had a few weeks of perfect performances. He had breaks during the day to run errands and spend time with Blaine, before Anthony finally approached him, out of the blue.

Kurt arrived at the theatre early, offered a few interviews for the press and was sipping his coffee in his dressing room after his last interview when Sara, another PA, had explained someone wanted to see him.

"Anthony!" he exclaimed in surprise at seeing his last director. "I haven't seen you in ages."

In fact he hadn't seen him since his last rehearsal for 'Brave'. He had called again a few weeks after the attack, finally explaining a little of why he had left, but he'd never seen him in person. Anthony filled in the unexplained upon seeing the press reports.

"How are you doing, Kurt?"

His expression was kind. He sat opposite of Kurt, in the only other chair in the dressing room.

"Good thanks," Kurt said. "I owe you an apology."

"No you don't," Anthony said quickly. "I saw what happened. I understood."

"I just needed a new start; it wasn't the production."

"And look what you've done here," he said, looking around the dressing room that showed how Kurt had made it. "You're living the Broadway dream. I can't begrudge you that."

"I would have stayed."

Anthony's gaze softened and Kurt briefly thought how he looked a little like his dad. "I know, but you were destined for this. It's what all of us in the business dream of."

Kurt accepted the praise and realised that though his path had changed because of James, it wasn't necessarily unwelcome.

"They say you're due a Tony."

"I don't know about that…" Kurt shrugged, apologetically.

"I saw the performance last night. You definitely deserve one."

"Thank you."

"What are your plans for afterwards?"

"I don't know yet," Kurt said, a little surprised at the question. "I haven't thought that far ahead."

'No one's approached you?"

"I'm not sure I'm open to suggestions yet."

"Want to go for a coffee and hear mine?"

A pathway opened ahead of Kurt as he suspected what they would discuss and he finally nodded, opening his dressing room door and leading the way.

* * *

"They want you back."

One of the reasons Kurt loved Blaine was the complete and utter belief he had in him that he would make it, that his life story would be filled with successes and loves. As they sat eating dinner and discussing the coffee meeting Kurt had with Anthony, there wasn't a doubt or question that Kurt was worth fighting over in the business and was hugely talented. Kurt smiled at the thought.

"Yeah, but I'm not sure," Kurt said, his voice a murmur of insecurities. "What about? The production was good, you said so yourself."

"I know, but it could do with some work, especially the music." Kurt thought about it as he ate his greens. The script itself was fantastic and there was obvious depth to the characters that appeared on stage, but there were no songs that could really sell it. And then it hit Kurt.

"You could write the songs," he breathed as if he realised he was stupid for not thinking of it before.

"I don't know, Kurt…"

"Why not? It'll be perfect. Your songs are great, Blaine. You could play a few for Anthony and see if any fit the musical, or maybe you could tighten up the songs already given."

"Wouldn't the person who wrote them be offended?"

"Maybe," Kurt said shrugging, "but we all want the best musical we can possibly make. Who wouldn't want a helping hand?"

Blaine couldn't help it – the idea of writing songs for a possible Broadway musical loomed in his future and even just this whisper of a possibility made him hope. The cynical voice of his father's, though, held him back.

"I don't know, I'll think about it, I guess." Kurt recognised the tone of defeat and hated it. He wouldn't give up.

"Do you think your parents would approve? Would that be a suitable career path for you?"

Blaine was shocked at the mention of his parents. They rarely discussed them and Blaine enjoyed being a self-made man, someone that stood on his own two feet and supported himself. He kept his parents up-to-date with what he was doing, saw them for various holidays, but what he did in New York only concerned him and Kurt—and he liked it that way.

"I don't know," Blaine swallowed. He'd said that phrase a lot in the last few minutes. He felt a little jittery.

"Because I would be _really_ proud," Kurt continued. "Not only if you succeeded and won Tony awards for your song writing skills, but more importantly because you _tried_."

Blaine looked like he'd been listening to the sensible voices of his parents for a while. His career had taken unusual turns these last few months, more time spent with children rather than furthering his own dreams. Although he loved all areas of his job, his day-to-day activities suggested that he had played it safe, stuck with possibilities that provided stability and money, possibilities that made him think that risk and change were bad. Kurt's eyes were shining, staring at him resolutely, daring him to question what Kurt knew to be true.

"A really wise guy once told me that he couldn't let them win."

Blaine nodded, reminded of his own confidence in his striving, his catching of dreams.

"I seem to remember another guy saying that we'd fight them together," Blaine said, smiling, and Kurt caught it and laughed.

"I think that guy sounds like the absolute best," he said with a grin.

* * *

Kurt signed back onto the production over coffee. As he finalised contract details and information, he let it slip that he knew a guy who could improve the songs. Anthony was willing to accept a little direction and gave Kurt his card, asking Blaine to contact him in the near future.

Blaine tentatively called and Anthony actually seemed happy to hear from him. A meeting was arranged to see the guy, Derek, who had written the songs, music and lyrics, and Blaine brought all he had to the table.

"He liked them?" Kurt asked over dinner that night.

"He loved them, but there weren't really any that matched the script. We're looking over the existing songs tomorrow."

Blaine tightened the melodies and helped with the lyrics, and after several meetings they had a much better score that could go with the musical.

Kurt, still playing Gabe in the evenings, was now rehearsing 'Brave' again in preparation for its debut in a small theatre off Broadway. Patty was mainly happy to see him again.

"I see you're on Broadway now. I thought you might be too big for this little production."

Kurt recognised the sass that covered the hurt and he said nothing, but gave her a big hug. Her startled face as they parted told him she had really missed him since his departure.

"I was worried about you," she said quietly, as if it pained her to admit it, just as much as the knowledge of what James had done and how it had caused her heart to hurt.

"I know but I'm back now, doing what I love and striving to make this musical big and Broadway bound. With me?"

He looked so hopeful, his eyebrows raised quizzically and his mouth open in a grin, and she could only nod and laugh.

"All the way."

* * *

Kurt, in the end, was only nominated for a Tony that year for his role as Gabe in 'Next to Normal', though he won a few less prestigious Broadway gongs. Ana, won Best Actress and thanked Kurt profusely in her acceptance speech, almost telling off the committee for missing him as a winner. He laughed proudly as he clapped loudly at her win.

Blaine had never worked as hard as he did now to write a fantastic song that would make the musical amazing and show its critics that it was worthy of the Broadway stage. In the end, two songs were included and the production began serious preparation for its fight to Broadway.

They had a definite theatre, which was to house the musical for a short time in the hopes that eventually someone would see the good in the production and move it forwards. Kurt and Patty made the musical as good as possible, Kurt finally able to put his all into the production. He was no longer tired, no longer worrying about home life, and seeing Blaine work so hard at the score made him want to fight even more. All they spoke of, all they did was for the musical.

Eventually the musical opened in a tiny theatre off-Broadway to amazed reviews, singing both Kurt and Blaine's praises. Patty was described as a star to watch, but generally the critics couldn't believe it was opening to such a small crowd. During its opening night, Kurt sang the song that Blaine had written which ensured his standing ovation at the end of the performance. He was singing as Edward, alone on stage, despondent at the unrequited love he felt for another man. Blaine watched, tears in his eyes at seeing his creation sung by the love of his life.

_I wish you were a bad man_

_I wish you made it easier_

_I wish you'd done something unforgivable_

_'Cause holding onto you is that all I can do until_

_I learn the hands around my throat are my own_

_Don't let me know if it hurts_

_If it hurts you_

_I don't want to be your friend that you turn to_

_That you won't pull me close_

_But you can't let me go_

_Don't let me know_

_Don't let me know_

_Don't let me know_

_Don't let me know_

On the basis of their reviews, they were invited to fill a theatre on Broadway, after a few weeks of rehearsal, as soon as another production finished. Kurt and Blaine were ecstatic.

"I knew you'd make it so much better," Kurt said, clutching Blaine's shoulders. "I'm so proud of you." He kissed him, gasping as he parted. "You take my breath away."

"Kurt," Blaine breathed, his eyes still closed. "It was your performance, you were amazing."

Kurt didn't dispute it and worked extremely hard to keep the production going so well, even in its move to Broadway and a much bigger theatre.

The last song of the performance, another song by Blaine, was magnificent and as they were both nominated for Tony awards the following season, Kurt was invited to sing it at the ceremony.

Kurt was nervous, his hands shaking behind the curtain as he waited for his entry. He could see Blaine nervously sitting next to his parents, who had been invited, along with Cooper, to possibly watch their son accept an award for his musical contribution. As he spotted just a glimpse of coiffed hair in the wings, Blaine smiled to give encouragement and waited to see Kurt bring his song to life. Kurt came onto the stage and saw, for one second, the multitude of people that were watching just like any other night, but then his eyes alighted on Blaine, sitting next to his parents whom had doubted he would amount to anything. He started to sing, not for himself, not even for his character, but for Blaine – the person who had written the song and built Kurt up in the best way possible.

_I can hold my breath_

_I can bite my tongue_

_I can stay awake for days _

_If that's what you want _

_Be your number one_

_I can fake a smile_

_I can force a laugh _

_I can dance and play the part_

_If that's what you ask_

_Give you all I am_

Kurt lifted his head slightly as the music lifted and he got louder.

_I can do it _

_I can do it _

_I can do it_

_But I'm only human _

_And I bleed when I fall down_

_I'm only human_

_And I crash and I break down _

_Your words in my head, knives in my heart _

_You build me up and then I fall apart _

_'Cause I'm only human, yeah_

_I can turn it on _

_Be a good machine_

_I can hold the weight of worlds_

_If that's what you need_

_Be your everything_

_I can do it _

_I can do it _

_I'll get through it_

Blaine thought back to the day he had doubted, when he had a silly conversation with his parents about money, and they brought him down just like they did when he was a child. He knew, as Kurt sang, that he had done it, been through life's struggles and won.

_But I'm only human _

_And I bleed when I fall down _

_I'm only human _

_And I crash and I break down _

_Your words in my head, knives in my heart _

_You build me up and then I fall apart _

_'Cause I'm only human, yeah_

Blaine looked fleetingly at his parents, who often had that power in his life, and his mother turned to face him, seeming to understand she was being watched. She beamed at her son and the pride was finally obvious to Blaine.

_I'm only human _

_I'm only human_

_Just a little human_

_I can take so much_

_Until I've had enough_

_'Cause I'm only human _

_And I bleed when I fall down_

_I'm only human _

_And I crash and I break down_

_Your words in my head, knives in my heart _

_You build me up and then I fall apart _

_'Cause I'm only human, yeah_

Blaine and Kurt had the same thought at exactly the same time: they were built up by the other, beautifully and gloriously, not letting anyone get in their way. They might have had knocks, James might have tried a little harder than most to reduce Kurt to rubble, but they couldn't be knocked down anymore. Blaine's eyes shone at Kurt as he finished the song, bright and so proud that they had made it. No matter the outcome tonight, they were like skyscrapers.

* * *

Of course, Blaine's category came first: 'Best Original Score' and the nominees were announced. Kurt clung to his hand as they waited; Blaine did his best winning smile at the camera when it was his turn and schooled his face in preparation for his failure. Except it didn't come.

"And the winners are Blaine Anderson and Derek Luson."

Blaine went pale, only the clutching at his hand told him he had heard correctly. "You won Blaine. You won." Kurt was shouting and he was hoisted up by his dad, he vaguely realized.

"We're so proud of you son," his father said, as he embraced him tightly and then he was encouraged up onto the stage.

Blaine had never been gladder to see someone in his life as he was when Derek walked beside him. So relieved that he had a moment to recollect and figure out what he was going to say, Blaine let Derek speak first.

"Thank you so much," Derek gushed, clutching the award in his hand and beaming. "The musical has come so far and from such a humble background that we just really appreciate being here. I think I speak for both of us when I say that our cast is amazing and we'd love to thank them for their tireless performances each night. They bring to life our songs in such a perfect way. Thank you to our director, Anthony and the whole of the cast and production crew who do an amazing job. Blaine?"

The microphone was suddenly in front of Blaine, but as he looked into the crowd, it was just a haze. The important people stood out and he smiled.

"I simply want to say thank you to the love of my life, Kurt Hummel, for believing in me when no one else seemed to. For helping me to strive for my dreams because without him, none of this would have been possible."

They were ushered off stage, both so happy and Kurt suddenly thought, if only one person could win tonight, he would be just as happy if it was only Blaine. But of course, as the nominations for 'best performance by an actor in a leading role in a musical' were read out, the process began again. Blaine was now clutching his golden award and he took Kurt's hand as the winner was announced.

"And the winner is Kurt Hummel for the musical 'Brave'!"

Kurt was up and out of his seat like a jack-in-a-box and Blaine was right beside him, kissing him profusely on the cheek.

"Oh my gosh," Kurt said as he finally managed to get to the stage. "Thank you so much. I have so many people to thank, so many people that helped me get here. Thank you to Anthony, my director, who let me come back after all that time. Thank you for the brilliant cast, especially Patty, who keeps me going strong when all I want to do is sleep. Thank you to everyone who ever believed in me and thanks to those people, who tried to knock me down. This proves that they could never succeed." He thrust his Tony award into the air, shaking it for emphasis, proving his point. Blaine cheered loudly.

"Thank you to my dad and family, for everyone who comes to watch the show and most importantly to Blaine. The love of _my_ life, without whom I wouldn't be here. Thank you my love."

The Broadway critics had been nothing but amazed, and their real life critics, people who tried to knock their confidence, or physically tear them down, hadn't succeeded. They were left realizing that here, today, they were a power couple for the century of changing equal rights, and a celebration of love.

* * *

**A/N: **Just the epilogue left!

**Songs quoted (I pass these off as Blaine's songs):**

'Human' by Christina Perri

'Don't Let Me Know' from SMASH


	20. Epilogue

**A/N: **So this is the epilogue… thank you so much to each and every reader for sticking by this story when I deleted. I'm always blown away by the amazing reviews and they truly make my day when the class I teach just get a little too much!

**Thanks to my lovely beta H T Elia – as always she did a fantastic job :)**

* * *

_**Definition of a power couple**__: __A couple who seems to have a fairy tale romance. Both parties involved in the power couple have tremendous influence over people around them because of their devastating good looks and seemingly perfect relationship with their significant other._

'_Urban Dictionary' online_

* * *

Blaine and Kurt became poster boys for equal rights in the gay community and were regularly seen at fund raisers and red carpet charity events where they represented well. They continued to be successful in their musical endeavors. Blaine started writing his own musical when he got the rights to 'The Great Gatsby' story and he met another guy willing to write the book for the possible musical. He was given a lump sum to work on it so he didn't have to give up his day job singing to children. He started playing music at children's wards, too, where some were long-term patients and very sick indeed. Their little faces would light up at hearing him sing and play their favourites, just for once forgetting they were ill. Kurt continued to star in the musical 'Brave' whilst rehearsing for a revival of 'The Phantom of the Opera', an all-time favourite of his.

They had been together for over a year now and knowing there would be no other for Blaine, he went about preparing the best proposal ever. He thought back to the cheesy way James had tried to apologize and he wanted no reminders for Kurt when he did propose, so he enlisted help from friends. Songs were rehearsed and places scouted until Blaine got exasperated.

"This isn't right," he said to Tessa and Sam. "None of these ideas are right."

"Just keep it simple dude," Sam said as Tessa rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Think about the first time you saw him, or your first date."

"No, that isn't dramatic enough," Tessa said with annoyance, but Blaine had stopped, his face caught in a perfect expression that simply said 'Eureka!'

"But of course, it's perfect," Blaine said, the cogs in his mind working overtime.

"See?" Sam said to Tessa in triumph. "Blam will always beat Blessa every day."

Tessa looked horrified. "You did not just make up a ship name…"

Blaine ignored them. He'd thought of the perfect way to propose and he knew just how it would all work out.

* * *

Kurt came home after a particularly tiring matinee performance to find the apartment deserted with a simple card on their bed.

_This is a treasure hunt. To find the love of your life and all possible answers to every single question you have ever asked, follow these clues. P.T.O._

Kurt laughed, but turned the card over as instructed.

_First, go to the place where we first met face to face. Ask for your usual and it will be given unto thee._

Kurt looked around the apartment, wondering if Blaine was secretly hiding and watching it all, but then he grabbed his jacket and walked to the coffee shop. He was greeted with a loud 'Hi' from the barista and his drink was immediately prepared and given to him.

"Do you know what Blaine has planned?" Kurt asked and the girl smiled and gestured that her lips were sealed. "I thought as much," Kurt said and he was given his second card.

_Don't bother asking for extra clues, none will be given._

Blaine knew him so well.

_Now go to the theatre where you first brought my songs to life. You will be given some treasure. _

Kurt was confused, but did as instructed and took the subway to the small theatre off Broadway. Upon arrival, one of the security guards laughed at his surprised face and gave him a small skyscraper statue attached to a little card.

_You make me feel tall._

Kurt laughed loudly at this. He had always joked that Blaine was something that came in a small package, but who was very sweet.

_Thirdly, go to the department store on the attached map and buy a tiger onesie. _

"What?" he said loudly and the security guard put his hands up in defeat.

"I'm only following instructions, dude," he said, "Don't shoot the messenger."

Kurt chuckled. "No, it's just a strange request."

"Well the guy that gave it to me seemed very eager for everything to go smoothly. I'd play along if I were you. I'm sure it'll be worth it."

"Oh, I know so," Kurt said with a grin.

Kurt followed the map and bought the onesie as instructed and was given his last, final instruction from the lady at the till.

_Go home and put this on. Play 'Crazy in Love' and twerk that fine ass._

Kurt blushed and looked over his shoulder in case someone could read it, but he nearly ran home to complete the instruction properly. He reached his still silent apartment and put his onesie on, glancing around the apartment every so often in case he might catch Blaine watching. He was finally suited and ready to twerk so he put the music on and bopped. He started off feeling very self-conscious, but after a while, when he realized no one was in the apartment, he lost all inhibitions and twerked like he just didn't care. He laughed and remembered that glorious moment with Blaine the last time he had twerked. Then he realized.

His eyes glanced in the direction of his old apartment, a place that had seen various tenants since he had moved out over a year ago, but he wasn't expecting the sight that greeted him.

In a matching onesie, Blaine was standing by the window preparing to twerk too. He did a few booty-popping moves and then held up something that had been resting on the bed. A sign.

_Kurt you are the love of my life. _

Kurt came closer to read properly and was transfixed as Blaine held up another sign.

_We met nearly two years ago in this very way…_

_And I have never been more grateful for pieces of card as when they introduced me to you x_

Kurt watched, tears filling his eyes as he guessed what might come next.

_This apartment now houses a new memory…_

_This is just another lifetime where we've chosen to come back and find each other…_

_And fall in love all over again, over and over for all eternity._

Kurt couldn't believe the cards he was reading, was stunned at the expression of pure adoration on Blaine's face as he revealed each and every new card.

_All I want to do, all I've ever wanted to do, is spend my life loving you…_

_So Kurt Hummel…_

And to add to the name, Blaine had drawn a fantastic cartoon of Kurt, coiffed hair and gorgeous blue eyes alongside.

…_my amazing friend, my one true love…_

_Will you marry me?_

There was a single red heart next to the question and Blaine's expectant face. Just trying to take it all in, Kurt eventually realized an answer was necessary but there was really only one he could give. He nodded quickly, to which Blaine's face lit up and he went to rush out the door, the barrier over the apartments, now holding them back. Blaine rushed too and they met on the street, a collision of arms and several kisses.

"Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" Kurt exclaimed and Blaine kissed his lips so he couldn't say anymore. He deftly removed the little black box from his pocket and held it out invitingly. It was placed on his finger and looked at and admired from a distance, ending in more kisses and hugs and finally all his friends popped out of the doorway next to the apartment and joined the fray.

* * *

James hadn't tried to contact Kurt again, seeming to understand that Kurt would never reply. He watched Kurt's rise to fame, noticed the awards he won and the achievements he made. James' own star didn't rise, but he was successful enough at modeling to make it his career.

Blaine and Kurt walked through life hand in hand without looking back. They were fierce together but well aware of life's knocks and possible bruises, but they came out stronger, never beaten down, only standing taller. They were drinking warm milk at the kitchen table after a long day of performances, when Kurt's eyes locked with Blaine's, his thoughts bringing him back to the guy in front of him with the honey-coloured eyes.

"You know, I don't hate James for what he did," Kurt said and although Blaine couldn't say the same he let Kurt finish. "He made me stronger without realizing it, made me fight for what I know to be right. He brought me closer to you and made me realize that you have to strive for what you want and work hard."

Blaine nodded.

"I'll always be thankful that I met you, but I wish you hadn't gone through all that pain."

Kurt smiled sadly and took Blaine's hand.

"That pain only shows what we're capable of, forces you to prove yourself. In the end, nothing will stop us."

* * *

**A/N**: Thanks for reading. I've started a soulmate fic, the first chapter of which should be up next weekend.


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